Don't Even Know Where To Start....

I have been with my husband for 12 years, married 10 1/2. Up until about 1 1/2 years ago he was extremely sexual and we had a pretty good sex life. Then, he went on medication for high blood pressure and that was the end of that. It caused ED and we also discovered his testosterone was low. The doctor gave him Levitra to help. It helped, but it's so friggin' unromantic and not at all spontaneous to have to rely on that crap.

Well, that's not even working anymore. The last 3 times we've tried to make love he has not been able to hold an erection and finish. I am sick of this and it's ruining our relationship. I have gained alot of weight, we're both stressed, etc. but he insists he's attracted to me. I don't believe him at all anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore. I really feel like he wants to find someone else to be with. He was a 25 yr. old virgin when I met him and I'm the only one he's ever been with. Maybe he's regretting it, or maybe he's wondering what someone else is like.....whatever is going on, we need to figure it out. Like I said, it's killing my self esteem (which I didn't have much to begin with) and our relationship.

I know some of you will suggest counseling, but don't bother. He won't go. I'm just at the point where I feel like I need to pack up the kids and go. Not only does our sex life suck, but he sucks at communicating too.

Sorry for babbling and for being all over the place. Like my title says, I don't even know where to begin........
imastar78 imastar78
2 Responses Aug 8, 2010

It may seem like your husband is not attracted to you anymore, but trust me that is not the case. From what I read, he has a physical difficulty keeping an erection and it has nothing to do with you being unattractive. Please don't feel bad about it, try to relax and give him some time to relax as well. The physical problem can easily turn into a psychological if your husband starts to feel guilty. Trust me, he is probably suffering as much as you are, if not more for not being able to keep the intimacy with you. So it's not easy for him to talk about's only normal. Please don't throw everything away, before you ask yourself some questions like: Has he been a good husband so far? Is the relationship you have with him important to you? Do you love him? I hope it helps. Wish you both the best.

I would not suggest marriage counselling in a situation where one of the spouse didn't attend / attended unethusiastically.<br />
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However, some individual counselling for imastar78, about what imastar78 wants out of life, strategies imastar78 can use to get thru this early stage of a problem, and how imastar78 can make some sense out of this senseless situation imastar78 is in, - could be very valuable.<br />
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It may point the way imastar78's life moves forward to. (that may or may not include "Mr imastar78") <br />
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This sexless thing is a bugger imastar78, and sometimes some outside help can help us see things as they really are rather than what we 'think' they are or 'wish' they were.<br />
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Tread your own path.