Just A Little Vent

Nobody needs to respond. I'm just a little sad tonight. I have noticed my emotions since I have been sexless have fluctuated between hopeful, angry, depressed, and determined. It is almost like being on a roller coaster. Through it all, I was able to maintain some kind of consistency within myself. I was able to solidify things for my family.

That is until I had the emotional affair. Sometimes I wonder if it was kind of meant to be. The woman pursued me so intensely, and I could no longer fight her off. But now, I feel like I failed in a way. I do realize though, that if even some of my needs were being met it wouldn't have happened.

When my marriage went sexless I tried everything to reignite the flame. Nothing worked. My wife fell in with some women who prided themselves on being sexless. I guess she picked it up from them. Before that point, we were very close and she never turned me down for any request I made. It was very confusing the first time I was refused by her.

So now I am in limbo. Wife does not want to fix marriage, yet we are staying together for the kids. I would like for us to be close again as a couple, but we haven't been close in years. The woman that I had the affair with said my wife told people that she didn't love me anymore and I was there for convenience. That, when the emotional affair was discovered that it was her ticket out. Well, the kids demanded that I stay. God love 'em.

So, I am working on myself. Working on a novel and throwing myself into the kids and my work. I guess I'm doing pretty much the same thing that I had been doing for the last sexless decade. I just feel a little lonelier this go around. I really miss the attention and love my woman on the side gave me. The really sad thing is that my marriage isn't much different that what it was before. We don't talk much and we never touch.

Sorry for the rambling story. I am just figuring out what to do next.
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6 Responses Aug 8, 2010

If she is clearly stating that you are there for convenience & a paycheck you gotta believe she is telling the truth. Unfortunately there are many women out there that view their husbands like this, not as a soul mate, a partner, but a paycheck someone to provide the material needs. It's a shame.<br />
Guess you need to take control of the purse strings, really. I am sorry that the emo affair ended, but in my exp with that it is for the best, although it filled a vast void in me while it lasted, I am still reeling from the after effects of it. I need my head to be clear as I go thru my process. Good Luck, & keep smiling!

Convenience???? Nice....and you're happy to fund her lifestyle??? I agree with the first few comments about getting some legal advice...but I also agree about having to get off ones backside and DO something. Use it or lose it....We all go through the emotional cycles, but there comes a point, when you've talked yourself into the solution...and only YOU can act on it. I found EP a life saver when i was in my hell of a SM.....but it also made me 'think' and 'act'! And i'm glad i did. Ok, we didn't have kids involved, and you do....but people figure it out. You DO NOT have to continue living like this for the sake of the kids....one way or another....you'll find the strength and ACT....your W is taking u for a ride....don't let it happen! Only you can allow someone to take u for a mug! Good luck!

She said quite bluntly "my wife told people that she didn't love me anymore and I was there for convenience"?<br />
If this is the case you are being used, simple as that.<br />
End the convenience!!!<br />
In her head it is over, accept this and move on (In your mind). But if the kids want you to stay and you do, good for you, and them, but you REALLY need to renegotiate the rules. <br />
Your wife is giving nothing and taking all. See a lawyer, split the finances, have 'your own' nights out, holidays, holidays with the kids, do what you need to do. Exclude her, once her life becomes not so 'convenient' she will also have to face the reality and then SHE needs to make some choices.<br />
I don't know much of your story, your life, the dynamics, but get a grip!<br />
Learn how to manage on your own, I mean in totality. Be 100% independent in your own home. She will become redundant.

You don't seem to have moved forward much from your previous story S. That's ok. We all go at our own pace.<br />
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But you really seem to have an attack of the "poor me's". Don't want to be harsh, but mate, you are going to have to get of your arse and have a go !!!<br />
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As regards the marriage, resolve or dissolve.<br />
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You gotta start doing the work. It is not going to resolve or dissolve by itself.<br />
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The position of the 'refuser' is in some ways the easisest in these situations. They don't have to "do" anything. In fact, they may torpedo any moves you make (if such moves require them to do anything). If this attitude remains, then it is going to be down to you to do all the work. Sometimes, that's just the way it is.<br />
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If you are to be cast in the role of sole worker, do the work for YOU (don't take on the fruitless task of trying to fox the marriage. With only one worker that just won't happen).<br />
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You might as well get on with it.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I am also in a sexless relationship but not because of me. You shouldnt feel guilty for being attracted to another woman because its natural. Your wife is neglecting you plain and simple.

...well if you're there for convenience, perhaps it's time for DW to go back to work and begin spltting expenses in half with you! Surely you won't be subsidizing her lifestyle anymore?!?<br />
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I am still not buying the 'friends' excuse, either.<br />
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You should also perhaps see a lawyer to determine what your options are...protect yourself while living in the same house...