Loyalty: A Comparatively Stable Mechanism Created To Replace Love, Ardor And Intimacy


These are some rambling thoughts and may contain some incoherence but I'd like you to see the intent more than the vehicle and let me know what thoughts flow from this. Before I go any further, I must say that I have been reading some of Osho's writings recently and while not a favorite author, he does challenge conditioned belief systems. All cultures carry some framework of acceptable behavior, beliefs, etc, and being Asian, I grew up in an environment with strict familial, cultural and societal norms and rules for many things, hence my interest in some of his writings.

Love and Ardor and the connection which they nurture, Intimacy, are natural and have their rhythm, an ebb and flow and hence are inherently not constant. They are awakened anew by a sense of connectivity, by some intangible harmony of vibrations between two people. The magic in this is that while unstable, they can and are replenished anew, in an instant - it may be a certain look, a word, some suggestive words even (LOL), a touch (you get what I mean).  Fragile and  unpredictable but so very necessary and powerfully nurturing for the soul.

In place of these unpredictable and comparatively inconstant natural expressions, we've installed more definable, teachable, measurable and more successfully transferable structures which as Osho maintains, is Loyalty, which hinges on the interaction of three tenants - Belief, Duty and Respectability.

Now I don't agree whole-heartedly with everything that Osho writes, but this is food for thought, and more importantly, a kernel of insight to sit with and digest, to feel. Love and Passion, Ardor are risky because they are natural but are easily replenished if nurtured and the magic is that we see our lover through new and eyes every time. Loyalty, to a Belief, to a Norm, to a Duty or what is deemed Socially Respectable Behavior, does not create nor encourage nor sustain intimacy. In fact we snuff it out instead because we ignore and suppress our true natures and it is a convenient way to hide from or ignore our own darkness. I think I digress here.

The main point for contemplation here is some self-examination - do we stay and are we trying to make things work because there is some spark of intimacy, some embers of ardor and passion which if breathed on, can reignite our relationship, replenish it anew, or is staying and working on it year to year really a response to centuries of social engineering (a sense of loyalty, belief in an institution, be it religion or marriage, or doing what is respectable and socially acceptable)? 

I'd love to read opinions and perspectives on this. 
LaoTzu LaoTzu
41-45, M
9 Responses Aug 10, 2010

Yeah, Lady said it. When you are in love, loyalty is just a natural part of the package. <br />
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It is easy to see ourselves as having forced loyalty however, it may not be easy to see our mates in the same position. Forced loyalty is just a euphemism for slavery or living under fear or the threat of retaliation. <br />
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I think we keep working at it partly because we are given mixed/dishonest signals from our mates which may not always be their own fault if they feel unsafe in the relationship. I am not excusing refusal here, just trying to explain how the dynamic might get fueled.

I could not agree more with the Infamous LADY. Thank you my Lady.

Lady, you made some really interesting points - I appreciate the idea that loyalty grows out of love but can become forced and subject to being broken without the anchors and that loyalty which has its own power can cause us to go on long after the embers are cold.<br />
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TB, that was the most succinct description of Osho in a long time - ROFL. I suppose one of the recurring things here is how people still keep working at something which is dead, to their detriment. Quite apart from fear of moving on, there is loyalty, I feel, whether to the person and/or to an ideal which past a point becomes, as you said, toxic for all involved. Yes, it needs to stop.

Hi DingDao, I am familiar with Osho's history and his practices - LOL. It does not however, invalidate a perspective. Osho was fond of drawing together concepts from a range of teachings. What is useful however, is to remind ourselves from time to time that there is a sort of balance. Blind loyalty to a set of principles or rules or norms without question and at the expense of listening to one's inner voice is I feel, not a way in which one may actually find passion or intimacy, much less love. These are not created nor are they nurtured by such artifacts, nor can they be contained by them.

Honored Teacher of the Lao<br />
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When Osho was in the US, he was in the habit of making sure that the people who were going to see him had been given Ecstasy.<br />
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I think you're getting the teachings of Kung Fu Tzu confirmed via Osho.<br />
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(try a kiss on the neck just under the ear for a bit of passion)<br />
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Ding Dao

ROFL - Reverse engineering! I love it. Yes, self-examination and we do walk our own Way.

Well, I suppose demolition could be called "reverse engineering" LT !!!!<br />
Seriously though, I think anyone does well to have a fearless and honest inventory of their beliefs from time to time. To challenge their own thinking.<br />
What society, religion, family, friends, - anyone / anything - says ought not be accepted without challenge.<br />
And, at the end of the day, you tread your own path.

Perhaps we could all do with a bit more demolition work .

Bit of both I reckon. I was a kid in the 50's and 60's and my parents had an apparently passionless marriage. And the social attitudes at that time were super conservative. Some of it rubs off on you.<br />
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As a young man in the 70's I spent some time 'apart' from normal society (I was in the army - it was the time of the Vietnam war, and social attitudes of the time were not kind to people in the army). That left a few welts too.<br />
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I got into a marriage knowing very little.<br />
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It wasn't all bad. But it was very dysfunctional now I look back on it. <br />
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Anyway, I carried at attitude from various experiences that "you adapt, you guts it out, you persist" and that was part of the problem. I was persisting alright, but for what end aim ? My efforts to try and sort out answers became an end in itself. And on that basis, I go with the 'social engineering' you describe.<br />
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Then, I took up demolition instead of engineering !!!!! lol