Should I Leave My Husband?

I posted this story elsewhere but thought it might get a better response here:

Jne 2010:
I have been married for 17yrs. Our sex life has not been satisfactory for me for about 3-4yrs, although my husband seemed to still be happy with it but complained we didn't do it enough (2-3 times a month). 2 years ago he started having some erectile function issues, went to the doc, got viagra but this did not help. I love my husband, but am no longer attracted to him ... although I still try to be intimate with him as often as we were before the issues, I am usually left unsatisfied. In the past year I have started niteclubing with my best friend (she is divorced). While out I have been surprised by my physical attraction to other men and have even kissed a few of them. Does this mean I shouldn't be married anymore. I have discussed an open relationship with my husband but he doesn't want this as he believes no one else would want him, I disagree as he is a very loving and caring man, he just doesn't satisfy me sexually.

Update: 11.8.10
I now have an open marriage and I am more confused than ever. I go out and have many men attracted to me and I to them ... it is a huge boost to the ego after years of thinking i was unattractive because my husband was not attracted to me. Unfortunately I believe the attraction for the other men is the no-strings sex that they think i am offering and that feels demeaning. What I really want is someone to get semi-attached to ...  someone who will care for me but not get in the way of the agreement i have with my husband. That agreement is an open marriage until our youngest finishes highschool in 3 and a half years. After that I am leaving. Although he believes he can win me back in that time. I wonder whether leaving now will be less painful for him in the long term rather than have him delude himself for the next 3 years thinking that he could win me back ... but then again I'm not completely opposed to the idea that it could happen, i'd like it to ... but it is unlikely.
garfield22 garfield22
36-40, F
4 Responses Aug 11, 2010

Thanx 4 your input ppl ... My hubby and i have talked and we are planning a trial separation after Xmas (one last family Xmas). I realised my 14yr old has grown up alot recently and is beginning 2 also get annoyed by her father's moods and my 16yr old spends all her time avoiding us by shutting herself in her room ... so this is not a healthy situation 4 them or my husband and myself ... 3 more yrs wud b awful 4 all of us! I feel so relieved. i also realise now is not the right time to find a new anybody ... i will wait till i am emotionally available 2 enjoy a more mutually loving relationship. Thanx again, your opinions really helped me 2 make my decision.

How can you possibly think that you will have a satisfactory relationship with the next (or the next, or the next). Seems to me that you should have a good hard look at yourself (and I do not mean the typical naval gazing that seems to be the current pass-time :-(

Hello G.<br />
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Dunno about the idea of "getting semi attached to some one" for sex, at this time. If you are capable of just casual sex to scratch that itch it might be the way to go.<br />
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Might be best to put your energies into an orderly dismantling of the marriage and the co-parenting. <br />
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Incidently, the 3 year time fr<x>ame seems ridiculous. If his, or your, resentments have not bubbled up and blasted a big hole in it within months I would be staggered. Best to get negotiations underway while you have this stuff on the agenda now I'd suggest. <br />
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Tread your own path.

Tough choices there. This differs in so many ways than what most experience here. Most here are having issues with open and honest communication from their partners. Getting answers like "I don't know" and just avoiding the issues. Doesn't seem to be the case for you.<br />
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Just keep a completely honest communication going with the husband. Discuss with him how you feel and what you need. Maybe encourage him to start getting out there so that he knows he will be able to find someone also.<br />
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There is no right answer here. You need to do what it takes to be happy. As for your child: well do you really think s/he will take it any better in the future. The key to the children accepting it is how the two of you handle it. As long as the children see there is still caring on each of your parts and that you both want each other to be happy and most of all you both love your children - that this has nothing to do with how you feel about them - then they will be able to handle it just fine.<br />
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Good luck with what you do.