Is He Lazy?

I am above 30 yrs.married about 4 yrs ago,with kids.Was really in love and determined to make the marriage work.I took up the responsibility of the home and had to even give him money sometimes.Became uncomfortable when i started noticing he adding little or nothing to family upkeep and was not doing anythiing tangible to pick up his responsibility as the man.
I have had to change jobs,take up more than a job just to keep families together,while he sometimes sit at home or works when a job comes along.
Right now,i loathe him so much.i am so angry at him that i don't even want him to touch me.Come to think of it,we'v not really had a great sex life from the start.Never been satisfied
Really would want to love and be loved,long to experience passion.Real romance.IHave someone i can respect
I sometimes think of divorce but  the kids......
Then,for how long would i continue to live like this?
abay abay
31-35, F
6 Responses Aug 12, 2010

Abay, <br />
I have a recommendation: Show this website to your husband. Tell him about the ILIASM EP group. <br />
You might be surprised once he learns that he is not alone in this madness. <br />
That might provide the change your marriage needs. <br />
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You do not need to tell him your username here. Let him read and learn that he is not alone living in a depressing sexless marriage with a spouse who refuses to make love to him. <br />
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By the way, if I had to take a wild guess, I would say your husband is NOT lazy but rather, he is depressed because he knows his wife does not love him and he knows that no matter what he does, he will never do enough to please her and win back her love -- despite what she says.<br />
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Good luck. <br />
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You know there is something fishy ( and not the yummy kind ) when they go on about household chores. Bah.

Hello abay<br />
It could be that both of you rushed into marriage like many do. Unfortunately these kind of things usually only materialise after some duration of marriage and when the initial spark of romance and love has lost some if its power and life becomes a bit more mundane with work, and all the effort of that goes into having a family. Another problem that arises is unforgiveness, and you have indicated that you hold this kind of feeling. He probably has some unforgiveness in his heart as well, and he might be acting a bit lazy to stir you up at times or see how you react. I know this might be extremely hard for you but do try and forgive him and keep loving him. It is surprising what love can do to people. So many relationships are destroyed through one or both partners having unforgiveness. Even people we love can say things at times that really hurt and are hard to forgive. I would be surprised if both of you have not said an ill word or two towards each other. If one of you can take the initial step and be humble and offer an olive branch of a truce and say your sorry and that you really do still love then your marriage will be continue along the same way and more than likely get worse. It will destroy both your happiness and can even make someone get health problems. You both really need to try and patch things up and in my opinion forgive and show love if you can. Another thing you could try is to go out and enjoy each others company., wherever that may be. <br />
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Best wishes

Love is not conditional.more money more love less money lees love.You ought to be his inspiration which you are not.So leave him for his betterment .You don't deserve anyone .You are a loner so fly alone without commitment.

Thanks carla0811n.But if you have stayed this long(considering your age), why would you still want to leave?<br />
gentleman1,on several occassions i have told him wat i want and why he needs to be strong for the family.All to no avail.Counsellors around us have told him so........Yes he works for himself but he does not like to go out and get more jobs.I also told him to go get a salary job which he has not been able to.<br />
Truth is he wants to have sex if possible on a daily basis but i am not just interested.To me,sex is not just physical but in my heart,with some1 i appreciate and love<br />
Thanks bazzar, i am trying to digest all that you have said

Does your husband want to have more sex with you?

Hello abay.<br />
From where I sit, and on what you say, it would deem you have hooked up with a parasite. Selfish, and self centred. These attributes lend themselves to him treating your needs with total indifference, and one (of many) symptoms of this is a lack of sex.<br />
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You ask " how long can you live with this ?" The answer is - until you choose differently.<br />
The idea of striking out on your own is frightening and uncertain. Fear can paralyse you into inertia. <br />
There will come a time though when you realise that you COULD get out. You will see that there are possibilities. <br />
Next, might come the moment where you figure you WOULD get out - if certain circumstances arise. <br />
Then, when you have a look at how miserable you are, the negative affects on your kids etc that staying in the marriage are costing comes the knowledge that you SHOULD get out.<br />
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Once that cat is out of the bag, you WILL get out.<br />
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It's a process, not sure where you are in the process. Possibly pretty early on, where the absence of sex has assumed itself as the big problem. Whereas this IS a problem, it ain't the main problem.<br />
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Read some stories, talk to people. There are many here who will willingly give you their input, and some short term hints to keep you going as you start your journey out of this crap.<br />
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Tread your own path.