So Here's My Deal...

Hi you guys! I've been sort of watching and being a quiet person, but I thought I would go ahead and share my story.

I'm 29 years old and I've been married for 10 years. We have two children. I'm well educated and a strong christian. Before I was saved, my husband and I were in a swinger / lifestyle relationship for about 4 years. Now, we have chosen monogamy.

Here's the problem though: my husband doesn't like sex with me. When he does have sex with me, it's ok - but it's like he has no sex drive. He went to the doctor (I forced him) and found out that he has low testosterone levels. He began getting shots and after a month, he has normal testosterone. Still, no sex. He just doesn't like sex anymore. I'm not sure if it's because sex is now boring to him because we had such wild experiences, or its because he just doesn't want the hassle.

I'm a cute girl, live in Minnesota. I desperately, desperately want to follow the Lord and have only one partner. Problem is - what do you do when you have tried EVERYTHING to seduce your partner? Sexy picture texts, letters, emails, bj's in front of the t.v....

Your feedback is appreciated ;)

jandy9999 jandy9999
26-30, F
7 Responses Aug 12, 2010

The fact that he was willing to get hormone replacements tells me that he is willing to work with you on the issue - this is key, as most of our spouses have not only refused us in the bedroom but have refused to address issues.<br />
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If your husband is willing to work on this with you, I would suggest talking with your pastor/priest, etc. Also, as I am from Minneapolis, I can highly recommend the Center for Sexual Health at the U of M - the folks there may be able to gently guide you and your husband through sexual problems. As a refused spouse I went there just to talk face-to-face with folks that wouldn't judge a sexual health problem. While it didn't help save my marriage, it helped me grow as a person. <br />
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Finally, continue to explore your thoughts with the folks on this site. It really does help.

I'm sure you are cute and sexy. These attributes are, unfortunately, irrelevant in your present dynamic. And whatever other things you bring to the table - say compassion / intelligence / humour / integrity / understanding - will be sorely tested.<br />
IMHO, you have chosen your path via your religious beliefs (presuppossing the religion you have chosen has the contraindicated "no cheating and no divorce" aspects to it). If your religion is fulfilling your life in all other ways then that's the price you pay. No point in bleating about it.<br />
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Now alternatively, if you are prepared to challenge your thinking about all sorts of life issues, you might find that there is another pathway through life. Your path. Unique to you.<br />
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Not that challenging your thinking about life is going to solve your sexless marriage problem by suddenly turning your spouse back into your lover (that's actually highly unlikely no matter what you do unfortunately) - rather, it starts to open up options for you. Whether you choose such options is entirely down to you.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Thanks again for all your comments. I agree that a Christian marriage is a sex-filled marriage - and a husband is supposed to provide sexually for his wife to ensure that she is not subject to temptation (and vice-versa). I can't wait until death, unfortunately. I need to do something. Maybe your right about the raging alcoholic to the tea party.. maybe we should do something to spice it up some. Thanks for giving me so much to think about :)

ummm....my lover is a good church going man with his wife. Has that ever been a thought that he may have someone else?

I know how your feeling, my wife and i used to be in the lifestyle and we have chosen to get out of it. I think that in time he has in fact found the monogamy to be boring and just not what it used to be with the two of you. My wife has fallen out of everything no intrest in sex no intrest in anything that has to do with it. I try to talk to her about it and i have found that here you can vent and get some good advise and see what can happen. as for me and what i do, i have met a few people to chat with and the possibility of cybersex/cam sex is an option for me. you have to look at what you want to do, what your willing to do and how faw your willing to go

I truly believe you can be a Christian and have an outside partner. I know this will generate a big debate but .....

You are going to have to wait until rigor mortis sets in. Sorry.