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I Don't Love My Husband Anymore

I don't even remember the last time we had sex.  Years ago, I think.  There is no emotion from him at all.  He doesn't even seem to miss me.  He sits in front of the tv night after night.  Or he buries his head in a book.  Or he comes home late from work.  Or its his night for 'me' time.  Whatever that is.  I gave up caring years ago.  He just disappears and comes home hours later.  The crying from me is over.  I'm just a hollow shell where a whole person used to be.

He doesn't like to talk because it makes him uncomfortable.  Have no clue what that means because he doesn't want to talk about it.  Every night he sleeps on the couch.  If this was all recent, it would scream affair, but it has been going on for years.  It may be an affair, because he accuses me of cheating every time I go out of the house.  Even when the kids are with me!

The saddest part is, I don't even care what happens to him anymore.  He could drive off a bridge tomorrow and I wouldn't even notice.  I would be annoyed that I would have to make funeral arrangements.  When I read that I think, how cold can I be! 

Then I think of the many times over the years, pleading with him just to talk to me, give me a hug, or maybe a kiss!  And how cold that stare has been.  How I have been brushed off like a pesky mosquito. Told he has important things to do, he's too busy to talk, too busy to spend any time with an insignificant wife.

If I had known this, I never would have married him.  I feel like an idiot.

lunalady lunalady 41-45, F 26 Responses Dec 22, 2007

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I am not normally a person who immediately says AFFAIR! But in this one, I do suspect it. Not because of the going out but because he's always accusing you of cheating.

UAU!!!!!<br />
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I just got married too, july 2011,,,,,, and i got bit up by my husband many many times, and all those times i really forgive him,,,,,,, after we break up last december we decide to get back toguether again,,,,,,,, At first i was so happy because we move in again and hopping that everything runs well,,,,,,,,, but he starts all over again screaming at me, calling me names, and makes me fell worthless,,,,,,,, and things starts to change towards my feelings,,,,, I cant see his face because he makes me sick, at night time i dont want him to touch me because i start to hate him,,,,, everything it is a reason for me to try to stay away from him,,,,,,when it is time for me to go to work i feel so happy cuz i dont have to see him for a couple hours,,,,,, when he has something to do on the street i am the most happiest woman inside the house, because i have the whole house for me and no body is going to scream at me,,,,,,,,,, I already sak him to leave me and give me the divorce but he doesnt want to separate againg,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, sometimes i wish if i just could go back on time,,,,,,,,,, because now with all the things he makes me to go true I DONT BELIEVE IN LOVE ANYMORE,,,,,,, I think every man is going to hurt me like he did it,,,,,,,,,,,, I wish i could just buy a plain ticket and disapeare from his sight,,,,,,,,

I am so sorry.I do know how you feel my wife is like your husband .She never has time for me but she has time to spend my money .I feel like such a looser and wish I had someone who cared .

Ina sexless marriage of one year. I have thrown myself at him, made nice dinners. The only time he wants to touch me is when he is drunk and i want nothing to do with him. We have not slept in the same bed in five months.<br />
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He has nowhere to go, no money, no car, no family. I feel stuck and exremely resentful. I am telling him this weekend to leave. I feel like he is pathetic. Not being mean, but i feel like he is this helpless child.

Ina sexless marriage of one year. I have thrown myself at him, made nice dinners. The only time he wants to touch me is when he is drunk and i want nothing to do with him. We have not slept in the same bed in five months.<br />
<br />
He has nowhere to go, no money, no car, no family. I feel stuck and exremely resentful. I am telling him this weekend to leave. I feel like he is pathetic. Not being mean, but i feel like he is this helpless child.

Ina sexless marriage of one year. I have thrown myself at him, made nice dinners. The only time he wants to touch me is when he is drunk and i want nothing to do with him. We have not slept in the same bed in five months.<br />
<br />
He has nowhere to go, no money, no car, no family. I feel stuck and exremely resentful. I am telling him this weekend to leave. I feel like he is pathetic. Not being mean, but i feel like he is this helpless child.

Ina sexless marriage of one year. I have thrown myself at him, made nice dinners. The only time he wants to touch me is when he is drunk and i want nothing to do with him. We have not slept in the same bed in five months.<br />
<br />
He has nowhere to go, no money, no car, no family. I feel stuck and exremely resentful. I am telling him this weekend to leave. I feel like he is pathetic. Not being mean, but i feel like he is this helpless child.

Ina sexless marriage of one year. I have thrown myself at him, made nice dinners. The only time he wants to touch me is when he is drunk and i want nothing to do with him. We have not slept in the same bed in five months.<br />
<br />
He has nowhere to go, no money, no car, no family. I feel stuck and exremely resentful. I am telling him this weekend to leave. I feel like he is pathetic. Not being mean, but i feel like he is this helpless child.

Ina sexless marriage of one year. I have thrown myself at him, made nice dinners. The only time he wants to touch me is when he is drunk and i want nothing to do with him. We have not slept in the same bed in five months.<br />
<br />
He has nowhere to go, no money, no car, no family. I feel stuck and exremely resentful. I am telling him this weekend to leave. I feel like he is pathetic. Not being mean, but i feel like he is this helpless child.

Ina sexless marriage of one year. I have thrown myself at him, made nice dinners. The only time he wants to touch me is when he is drunk and i want nothing to do with him. We have not slept in the same bed in five months.<br />
<br />
He has nowhere to go, no money, no car, no family. I feel stuck and exremely resentful. I am telling him this weekend to leave. I feel like he is pathetic. Not being mean, but i feel like he is this helpless child.

I am 35, he's 40. We've been involved for 12 years now. On anf off relationship that resulted in a recent marriage. We have no kids and most likely won't have any ever. He doesn't like kids. I feel I made a mistake and more and more think about going back to Europe and be closer to my mother. I don't love him, as he showed me more than enough he doesn't care about how I feel. Why did I marry him? I have no clue. Was I persuaded? I will have to make my decision soon. I do not want to continue to live my life in misery. I wish you the best, ladies.

I can relate in many ways to what some of you are sharing; I share a bed with a man who has not been intimate iwth me for the past year because he is impotent but he thinks that shouldn't matter as long as he goes to work & doesn't scream at me. We have a nice home, no kids, good jobs but no passion, no spark, nothing that keeps us connected anymore. I knew he was a solid dependable kind of guy when I married him, we never had fireworks but we were physically in tune with each other. Now, I come home, make dinner, read the paper, play with our oets, & go to bed. If he had a catastrophic accident tomorrow & needed care, I would find a nice nursing home for him & visit as it was convenient for me to do so. I would never do or want harm to come to him; I just don't care anymore what happens to him. It's sad, when love begins to die & you don't find it tragic enough that you are willing to try to save it.

A relationship will not work unless both stop being selfish. Most of what I read on this post involves 'me', 'I', 'What I need' and so on. Writting negative comments about your mates!, is it no surprise that your mate may have given up as well? there's always 2 sides to every story and to make such a quick judgment ba<x>sed on someone's emotional rant is foolishess. You may not want to hear this, but it's the truth, and what's worse, if it's not corrected you're destine to repeat it with your next relationship, unless your life is in danger or he/she has cheated (you have the option to forgive and forget) you need to work at it, that involves actions. Love is not an emotion, it's not lust or passion, those things come and go, fade, and drop like fads. Love is not selfish, it does not keep count of injury, it does not brag, Love hopes all things, believes all things, if anyone has ever had a whisper of true love, none of your comments would even be a thought.

I relate to all of you guys i'm in a sexless, silent, uncaring relationship for 32 years of my life I dont love him either. Ignore ignore ingnore is the name of his game and I no longer care. I only dream of one day finding that some one whom does want to be part of my life as I part of his. Companionship, lovers, friends, and teaching ourselves to love and trust again. Are you out there? Are you just a dream I imagine? Is happiness and love real? I dont belive that anymore. I feel like a zombie, my body moves and breaths, yet I feel numbed and a void, I feel dead unimportant. I'm a horrible mistake in this planet.

I too can relate to how you are feeling. I have been married for 11 years. I stay for the kids and have a plan for my exit once my youngest child is old enough. I try to stay in my emotional fortress where I treat him as if he does not exist. This keeps me safe and focused. There have been so many times that I have left the “fortress” only to discover that he have wounded me again. My coping strategy is to stay detached and to never let him back in. As in the story; I am know the one who is busy, unavailable, uncaring and too busy for an insignificant husband. Your story mirrors my own.

... so can relate to you... and i want out.. i just dono how or what to do to get out. =(((

I too am in a worthless marriage and my husband acts the same way. We have a son together and one would think he would be proud, but that's not the case. He communicates with his ex-wife and his 2 baby's mommas and can't even say hi to me. I should have known better than to marry someone like him. I'm successful and he spends his time paying child support for children he hasn't even had an dna on. He visits **** sites and disrespects me by staring@ other women while we are out. One time I left a restaurant because he and the waitress were flirting with each other in my face. I had stopped having sex with him a long time ago and I have recently left and I'm soooooo happy that I did!

About time. No one deserves an *** like that!

i feel so sorry for you, but i think i know how you feel i think i fell out of love with my husband a while ago but only just realised as he treats me like a door mat and is verbally abusive. I feel alone but thats it dont feel any thing for him..

Run for your life. Grab the kids and run. I read this and I see no hope. <br />
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Also, children can sense when things are not right. You do not want your marriage to be the example they look at when they are older.

Perfume...the kids. And right now he's standing in the room yelling at me about money. Ain't that a kick in the head?

Patty...that pretty much sums it up. He wants to do his own thing and occasionally deigns to join us. He insists on treating the girls like they are adults and should be able to relate to all things on an adult level. That, and he thinks they are 'out to get him'.

Thanks everyone for the comments and support. Riverwatcher, you hit it--Mr. Nice Guy took over completely. I don't want to be married to my brother, that's just gross. He wants a roommate situatation and he got it.<br />
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Yeah, unhappyone, two girls, 12 and 17.<br />
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Thanks Hyman, as usual you make me feel better!!!!<br />
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Thanks JRSK. Maybe after Festivus I'll feel a little better!

Yes, the same old story. In retail sales they call it "Bait and Switch". You advertise something like crazy just to get them into the store. Once you are committed to being in there, wham, the thing they advertized is gone.

Sadly I can relate to most of what you wrote. Why are you staying with him? The kids? That's essentially why I'm staying for now...

you are not a idiot. you got trapped or tricked into a marriage by someone who hid their true self or changed drastically after you married them. it happened to all of us. we are not all idiots. since your husband is jealous of a possible suitor, you may have some leverage. good luck

This is so sad... I feel for you.