Did All 10,000+ Of Us Here Really Make A Mistake ?Your marriage may have been sexless for two months, two years or twenty years, but how can anyone know what is around the corner when they marry a spouse who has seemingly presented the `real' them as a marriage prospect, only to change once the deed is done and signed ? Have we really made a mistake or have we been the victim of an unforseen switch in circumstance ? Marriage calls for faith and trust, and we placed our faith and trust that this person and this person alone would take care of our sexual needs, we understood that there may be a certain amount of give and take, and that it may not be like we were teenagers forever, but instead that there might be a deeper understanding, an exploration of new things to keep the marriage fires burning, and a belief that our spouses actually wanted to make us happy. For this we agreed to forsake all others, and we kept the promise.
Was it wrong of us to place our faith in the person we loved and thought we could talk to about anything ? When you're in your twenties can you possibly see what life will be like in your forties ? No. Many of us are deep into careers by this time, and have families, and sex goes to the bottom of the list. We have many more demands on our time than when we first met, but I have never understood when spouses say they are `too tired' for sexual time. If you're tired you go to bed. If you're in bed together why not help each other to sleep with some sweet gentle love-making ? A little intimacy goes a long way if it's genuinely felt, you don't have to make it an athletic event !It seems they were never too tired to rot their brains watching TV/surfing the net or doing household chores instead of joining you in bed.
I don't believe any of us here could have possibly forseen how the dream of love we shared could gradually (or rapidly, it seems to happen both ways) turn to dust, leaving us wondering what happened, and if we'd misread `monogamy' as `celibacy' on the marriage contract.
I honestly do not regret marrying my STBX, I did it with 100% good faith. I do not think I made a mistake marrying her. I do however think the mistake many of us make is to believe that we are forced to stay in a marriage when the partner has blatantly disregarded the vows they made and decides to shut down intimacy altogether, and always seemingly with NO discussion or explanation. At this point nothing is up for negotiation, you are utterly taken for granted and in my opinion the biggest mistake we can then make is not to consider leaving. It takes a long time to absorb the fact that the person you thought cared for you above all others, is prepared to watch you suffer agonies in front of them and pretend it isn't even happening.
It isn't a mistake to marry them, but it is a mistake to hide from the truth, no matter how long it takes to realise it.
skippyboy 46-50, M 23 Responses 9 Aug 24, 2010