Remorse

Brown from lack of nourishment. That's priceless. I do know the feeling. I went through the same in my first marriage. Best of luck my friend :-)

Thanks for all of your input.



Bazaar, you are right, it is not good to look back too much. I have been looking back a great deal, I think in order to recapture something I have lost in myself. I focused so much on working and succeeding that I forgot to how to have fun. Also, all the rejection over the years has really hurt me internally.



Ddog, that has been my intention, only a few years left!



Humili, at first your post bothered me. I guess the aspect of a small mind. I grew up in a very challenging home. I was thrown out at a young age and battled my way to a successful life. It has been very trying. I don't believe that I have a small mind, but I have overcome many problems. I do appreciate your input though. Thanks for calling me a gentleman.



4PM, thanks for the advice. I have been working on some visualizing. Unfortunately, I have great demands on my time at the moment.



TB, you are always on the money!!



MIC, I was using a bit of sarcasm when I said beloved. I have attempted to speak to her many times of how I feel used. She just doesn't care.



NSHU, I am not falling for the illusion of a party life. I just want someone I can lovingly share my life with. I know the grass is not greener, but the patch I'm living on is brown from lack of nourishment.



Windylindyx, this is an awakening. I know things are one-sided. I will follow your advice!

Are you having a mid life crises? Probably. We all do at some point. Doesn't mean it's a bad thing. In most cases though we tend to romanticze the past & look back on the "good ol'e days". In your case though your looking back at the days that never were. Personally most of my regrets come from those years in my early twenties. It was the 80's & I was a professional musician in the Hair Metal Band days. I lived the sex drugs & Rock & Roll stuff. Yea it looks like fun on the outside but isn't all it's cracked up to be. That & I have just matured. Sure the meaningless hookups, one night stands were fine in my early twenties but as we age we require more than that. Things look like fun until we live them.



Try to live by the feelings of no regrets. You do have some things to be thankful for. You have raised a good kid & been a good dad. That doesn't mean you aren't ready to move on & start a new life. Only you can know what is best for you. But don't go by what others are doing or the "grass looks greener". It rarely is. The single world looked much better to me than it actually was after my first marriage. It is tough out there. At that age most women I dated were divorced & most with good reason. NOBODY COULD LIVE WITH THEM....LOL!



If you want to move on to make a good life for you that is fine. It just isn't wise to base your decision on what you see others doing.

Smiling, the envy you feel now is valuable. Embrace it for it is this feeling of dissatisfaction that will motivate you to get your act in order.



Create a picture in your head of what you want in your life. Be a prolific painter and use vivid colors and lots of detail. Now see your current life in your mind. Notice how it's black and white and washed-out.



It's time to start taking steps to achieve your vibrant & colorful life!

When the kids are grown and out, divorce her and call Dave Ramsey on how to get out of debt.

We must mix in different circles in as much as the 20 odds I know are far more into fun than fiscal responsibility. Rather reminiscent of me at that age !! lol

Additionally, it is perhaps unwise to regard the last 14 years as a "loss". What you have been thru has helped make you what you are today, so it has had priceless value actually.



And YOU as of today, are getting a handle on where you are, and who you are. That's going to be a valuable base to launch from. And, it seems from your previous stories, and this one, that your countdown to launch has started. How long the fuse takes to set the thing in motion is down to you.



Perhaps it is unwise to look back too much - a bit, to reabsorbe lessons learned is fine - but not too much. The future is somewhere where you can manage aspects of your life. The past has no particapatory use at all.



Tread your own path.