All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

 ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the house. He watched **** on the Internet, had huge folders of naked women photos on our computer, even chatted up other women by e-mail. (He was once a member of this forum, by the way).

I had thought he visited prostitutes, but wasn't sure. I knew he went to topless bars with his friends, where they got lap dances. I found out that they would also visit massage parlors in our area, to get hand jobs. He said he loved me and wanted to be intimate with me, but he had no idea about what was going on inside of me, didn't know what I was thinking, how I had become disgusted with him.

He used to be very romantic, think only about me, but that changed long ago. After he got into the **** and other stuff his attitude was more like he'd have sex with anyone who was willing, if he could. He saw women as sexual objects, myself, my friends who visited, women in supermarkets, everyone everywhere. His mind was filled with only one thing: SEX. When we did make love I felt like he was using me. He wanted to used sex toys, put me in positions I didn't feel comfortable with. He wanted to watch adult movies while we made love. It was gross. He wasn't paying attention to ME. We weren't making love anymore, it was like we were just F--king.

I missed my old boyfriend,the man I had fallen in love with and married, that's what I missed. I felt lost, didn't even know who this man was that I married, he'd changed so much. He'd become a bit of a pervert. "Sorry, honey, if you are reading this." I told him, "Shut off the computer and focus on me, maybe something could happen, maybe not. I just don't know, and for a long time have not cared. Why should I have sex with you if I no longer feel attracted to you? I'm not a freaking prostitute. Ugh." Fortunately, he did turn off the computer, he changed his ways, and started to come back to me. You can read our story here. Please don't jump to conclusions though. Make sure you read our whole story. Please know, that people can change. (original story edited 10/09)

1st STORY UPDATE (7/4/08, slight edit 10/09): I am not going to go in and change anything that follows, so newcomers can read the natural progression of my story. I would just like to ask anyone who reads this to check carefully all posts after #90, as people are responding to what I wrote early on in this discussion, not even taking the time to read the last few pages, where I describe how things have changed. Thank you for your attentiveness.

2nd STORY UPDATE (10/24/09): Hi everyone. I made some edits in the original post (above) so it would be clearer. Once again I must ask you to please go to page # 9 and read from there. I was very angry in the early pages, but my husband and I both made efforts to reconnect. Things have changed dramatically. Please read from page 9, or else you are missing the changes in my life. People change, but you have to pay close attention to one another, forgive one another. Understand why your partner doesn't want to have sex, if they refuse you, and why sexual intimacy is so ESSENTIAL for a marriage, if you are the refuser. Most importantly, don't jump to conclusions!!!

No Longer Lost,


LostLeila LostLeila
31-35, F
428 Responses Dec 27, 2007

i love a happy ending...your dedication is commendable

Very happy for the way things turned out in your favor.

Best of luck to you.

ITs normal for a guy to think about sex a lot else there would be no babies. You just need to have that conversation. Communicate or get separated.

first of all, rest assured, you're about to get REAL
advice from a REAL man. He is a boy, he never had a man teach him how to be a man, and Argo, he has no idea, he moves in the world trying to figure it out, but it has to be taught by other men.

You're a sexual being, deep down, you want to be you, and that's the good point.
You need ALL the control for it to work, this is how. When a man talks, and asks for something,
he puts his emotions right out there, she could
refuse him and he is cut down like the oak tree,
or she can do it, because she decided to trust,
and respect him enough to Obey, obedience is trust,
without trust, relationships don't work.

You need a man to tell you to ware what he wants,
do the things he wants, act in ways he wants, you're a woman, a blank canvas ready to be splashed by emotions for a landscape picture. You need a man who will ask ALL what he wants, be it high heels in bed, a dirty shirt, not letting you ever ware thongs, only letting you have white panties, or telling you to randomly stand up, so you feel sexy. You control your own actions, and when you do as the man says, you are still in control, but now, his emotions are in your fingers.

Gentleman avoid you because the ones around you,
we see you say "No." to a guy, and we are out of the place like a light. We know who are boys and who are men, say "No." to a man while single for example, and the girl is a no go, she's a emotion drain. and women love to teach women "no." because then they cant have the real men, the women with the lies get them... Make him man up, be a real man. Where he wants to put his jack, he should tell you, speed of sex, he should tell you, when sex happens, he's on it, if you have to say sorry, because he decided, you do it.
Only a real man makes a girl happy.
And that is from a REAL man.

You wouldn't know one if you met him.

Obey ? Lolol

you give me hope with your story. thank you

I am in same situation as your husband is, and why I do that because I could not find my wife attractive and she does not care about this she always busy with kids she always tired. Never said I love you etc... so what you think what should I do ? She do sex with me she do what I said but I have not married a cow ????

My problem was she would say she was in the mood in the afternoon but when evening came was not and feel asleep. Then she would expect me to know when she was ready. I would get worked up and she would not be in the mood. I finally said let me know when it is not fair to think I can read her mind. It felt like she was playing games. Well don't need to worry about her lieing thieving *** she is gone took to long for it to come around she spent money like it was water and when the well went dry she snuck away. Then had the nerve to ask about coming back.

He's a little horn bag....lololol....all kidding aside ... these are the symptoms of a man not receiving enough sexual release. If he needs more sex he may have too find a partner and talk too his spouse about outsourcing or separation.

Sex is what holds everything together in a relationship...if its not happening its time too move on....there isn't anyone that should be suffering sexually in their relationship if they are then its time too figure out the next move for happiness.

no sex, bad sex, no caring, robotic love affects everything you do and sweeping under the rug only makes it worse.....good luck!!!

Agree with you on these points. If your sex life is zero there are some serious problems that need addressed or the relationship is none existent.

I disagree. There is plenty of relationship, it just isn't a HEALTHY relationship for both parties.
Probably not all that healthy for the Denier either.

no wonder u didnt want sex

I think your story illustrates the very real damage caused by *********** addiction. The sad thing is, it is obvious to the partners of those using it, but those using it think it is harmless. *********** objectifies the sexual partner; your spouse is no longer a loving companion but a sex object. I am so glad that you kept communicating with your husband and that he has begun to meet your needs as a full person again.

I would direct you to the APA site where the metastudies of 140,000 men demonstrates clearly THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS **** / SEX ADDCITON. Does not exist. Just another scam by rightwing religionists to sell more guilt and more social power.

**** was not the problem . The problem is one tried new things instead talking from the start she just refused sex sometimes sex Will be sex. Other times it will be the caring loving thing. Sometimes you just have to be an animal and use it for relief. You have two people expecting one to get their way all the time is wrong.

LostLeila i think you have your own rights you are an individual and not an object of lust i feel that person is not worthy of your love he just wants one thing so i think love a person who loves your heart who loves your smile who loves your happiness i am ashamed of your husband how could he just extract what he wants from you without caring enough

My first question would be did you stop giving him sex first?? did he start looking at **** and other things after? you dont have to do nothing that u dont want to but you are his wife and in a way you most please him too. sex is not the main importance in a marriage but it has to be there or it wont work out

My question is not \'Did you stop giving him sex\" and replace it with \"so when did sex become a chore rather than something you WANTED to do?\"

i want your present photo.and where r u living right now

just do what your husband want! give pleasure for him! you are his wife! serve him!

I knew I should have married an Asian woman . . . :-)

Definitely! But every coin has two sides.You need to know what you really want exactly.As for me, I love blonde,they beautiful.When you have chance to be with the one you loved so much it's worthy to sacrifice some other things.

As for brunette,you can come to asia.Asian girls are attracted to white men.Sometimes these girls feel proud if they married a white man, as i see it they just lose their mind...However if the native boys want to marry these girls,it will not be so easy since they always ask so much.Most of them are so money worship especially in the big cities of China.
P.S. I've never seen a person with red head,a real red head not the coated one...Did this kind of human really exist?

No es dificil comprender a la mujer si el hombre no fuera machista el mundo sería diferente

Sex is the most important to a man. Its in our wiring. Can I ask if you had done something to change? Did you get a new haircut or hair color? Did you stop smoking. Did you get heavy? There is always a reason why men lose interest in their partners. Maybe he changed and simply wanted a younger woman. This happens to men who have been married a long time.

But it now looks like you have this in hand. Congratulations to you.

umm - I'm a woman and its more important to me than to him


I have to agree with rosé. I too am a woman and I have always and still do want sex far more than my H. He's gained over 100 lbs since we married nearly 13 years ago and seems to obsess more about food and craft beer than any woman, much less me. Fear, anxiety, whatever his reasons for stopping our sex and intimacy altogether, the reality is that it doesn't exist and it's not for my lack of want

Its nice to see woman who find sex as important to them as it is to me. I have gained weight to but that doesn't stop my sex drive. I would say I love sex more now than I was in my 20's.

I could have wrote that. Same for me brother.

2 More Responses

Your courage is AMAZING. I am glad I read that you two reconnected. But a lack of sex could mean many things. Just be glad that you and your husband is willing to reconnect! I wish you the best of luck and a happy life!

i envy your courage.. :)

Es muy dificil entender a las muejes en el aspecto sexual ..podriamos decir que la comunicasion ayuda pero..a lo mejor yo este equivocado pero las mujeres son como los hombres van cambiando en el trascurso del matrimonio se vuelve monotonía rutinario las palabras de amor ya no funcionan ...bueno ay que ser sinceros al 100% y honestos aunque traiga consecuencias pero es mejor saber que vivir en la ignorancia pensando que asemos bien la vida dentro del matrimonio ..... gracias por eceptar mi comentario .....

She is having an affair.

I have only read the first three paragraphs, and would like to mention that what you have described is every single man on this earth. We are here to have sex, we are supposed to have it very young, we are supposed to be with many women, we are supposed to all die young. This modern world is against our human nature, lots of guys still act like natural humans and are sexually very active in the ways you have described of him. Women are mainly here to be raped by the men who want to have sex, that's the natural order of our natural human life. It's only recently that there is "romance" and "civilization" and "respect." It's not natural. Just wanted to mention that. You can find a guy who will hide all of those traits, good for him, but they are in his mind regardless of if he hides them or not.

Whoa whoa whoa. "woman are mainly here to be raped by the men who want to have sex" I got some news for you, without women you wouldn't be here. You are one twisted cookie.

Obviously that would imply impregnating them to have a child... meaning they're here to be a Mother... How ever you want to look at it... Put the big picture together.

News for you most guys think about sex alot its part of the way we procreate if we did not think about it alot there would be no children and our race would vanish. Glad you worked it out. Communication real important in any relation.

Proud of you. Hugs. Sounds like your man has some sense.
My hubby was my best friend, but things changed too drastically over the years for a reconciliation. I miss the "best friends" part of the relationship so does he. That posterity, the things we shared together. It's gone. As if it never existed. Those shared moments... Poeffff. Gone.
Am in a new relationship now, but I DO miss the posterity and my new man knows NOTHING about the last 18 years of my life and it's not important for him to even want to know because we are both starting afresh...
Creating a new posterity.
But now I can be very different to how I was 18 years ago. Very refreshing I must say not to be with someone that knew me back then and has historical knowledge of me! Ha ha.
See both sides?

Communication important.

you are married but you are alone

so sad

You're husband is the type im dying to have or to be with... I'am suffer so much inside the marriage I had before for many reasons including not giving me the **** that I needed, ok the love is there but I couldnt take away the fact that I love an animalistic FUckkkkkk, sadistic, dirty and sexy fuckkkk that I my ex husband never gave me...

You are very lucky to have him, all u have to do is to be the ***** that he wanted to be and ull see...theres nothing wrong with watching **** while sexing...set aside the love thing, try to look at it in a dirty way... men love all bitchesss no matter what... so be one and enjoy is all safe than love...

Where is my good gal who loves alot of sex at who can also stay true to me?

great story LL, I had a similar problem in my marriage. After gazing around at the other women when my marriage was sexless I came to the conclusion that I was still in love with my wife and we started the painfull talks to get things back on the road. I started by writing her an honest, blunt, letter about how I felt about the marriage and the lack of sex. The letter-bomb led to alot of talks, tears, and finaly to both of us slowly improving things.

It was not fixed over night. There were behaviours I had to stop and this was not easy. There were things she had to do as well. It has been 8 years since that letter changed our lives and we are happier now than when we were dating. I was very lucky to have a wife that wanted to fight for me and my love. We both choose to stay in the marriage and fight for it to work.

Best wishes to you both, DP


Congrats. It sounds like you two have put the flame back in your marriage. My hat's off to both of you. When it was easy to give up you BOTH chose to work your way back together. I bet it's fun now too?

From my experiences with an old flame who was addicted to **** and ****** he could neverbe intimate with me. It is a fantasy for the person lost in **** and prosititutes, they don't know how to separate it from the real life. Its a long and sad road to go down because they usually don't want to give that fantasy up. They are so busy pleasuring themselves and probably realize they are incapable of being intimate with someone. Best of luck!

**** can posion men's mind make them always be driven by the desires which can be much more twisty than the natural one.I mean all human beings have desires but some of them just stay in a unnormal sexual status.

This is why I think Marriage is BS. the idea that 2 people should be together forever and have that relationship stay exciting and for the spark to be there forever is ridiculous.
Me I just get into relationships with a woman and so long as we are good for each other we keep it going. As soon as we are not compatible in some way.. we say Bye bye
and each can go our separate ways.. and not have to go through the baloney of a marital divorce with lawyers and a big drawn out legal thing.

Yeah and religions tell people that if they have sex when they are not married its like some big sin or something. Bullsh*t on that.
there is nothing wrong with sex so long as the 2 people are consenting to it.
and you don't need a marriage license to make it valid. that is bullsh*t

forcing people be celibate until the are married and or forcing people to stay in a marriage if they are unhappy in it > because some of bullSh*t religious idea is completely hogwash.

Oh yeah there is some imaginary man up in the sky who is going to send you to eternal fire if you have sex without a marriage license Bullsh+t
Also telling people they have to stay with somebody for their whole life even if they are unhappy is BullSh+t

Just staying in a verbal relationship makes the most sense. You meet somebody you care about. You both agree to be together and you stay together as long as the relationship is good and your compatible. As soon as the relationship does not work anymore you say. Well it was nice knowing you
good luck and bye bye bye.

If a woman aint giving it show her the door...

Yup I agree with that.
A man needs sex once in a while. If a woman doesn't want to take care of that then say Buh-bye. and let her take her no sex self someplace else.

Both sexes experience periods of low sex drive for a whole range of reasons. Problem is , both partners don't go through them at the same time! Wouldn't that solve so many issues ! .....At your age, you could soon find yourself on the verge of a down hill slide when it comes to your own sex drive and erection quality . Your body may not perform the way it use to and you cant prevent the ageing process...Perhaps you should do some more reading on the subject of men who have lost their drive and the hell they are going through.And the hell that their wives are going through trying to salvage the relationship . Hope that your suggestion of telling your woman to "take her no sex self someplace else " isn't exactly what she will say to you when the tables are turned . It is not just the poor men who are suffering in sexless relationships.

Totaly agree with you Gman on your reply.... We love women who love alot of sex as long as that is exclusively with the man she belongs to. You know what I am saying.

I think we were talking the fairly beginning of the relationship not like after knowing someone for 30 years, in that case you just have to sit down and talk about it all and come to a resolution of how each can begin to have more sex together. I think communication is best to resolve these issues. as long as there not playing mind games or something most normal people can come to an agreement and resolution to have more sex together...

Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

Communication does nothing to heal the rage that rejection brings, nor does it alleviate the POWER the woman has enjoyed by torturing her husband, being able to bind him to monogamy while ensuring his celibacy

3 More Responses

You see - there IS a way out. Very interesting and touching story, especially when you view it from the beginning. I as a man had a similar experience the other way round, whereby my wife was rejecting me for years (although I used **** very infrequently by comparison with Leila's man.)

The key facts for me are that at the beginning, she thought he was sex mad and that she was refusing him for this very reason. To a greater or lesser degree, this happens in millions of relationships - sometimes with a husband refusing a "sex-mad" wife. The other key fact is that even though she had identified the source of the problem, she still wouldn't talk about it with him.
I had the same experience, and I pulled it round. And since she wouldn't talk about it or discuss the problem at all, I did it myself, by using my behaviour to change hers. It wasn't easy, and it took time, but it can be done.

It's all about changing her mindset, changing her opinion of you, and shaking her out of a fixed and even complacent point of view. It's not about getting her to do it "out of duty", it's about rekindling her desire for you. And it's not all, or even mainly, about sex. It's about what she thinks of you as a person, and also about rebuilding her sexual sex-confidence. Y

The story is at rekindle-her-desire dot com.

way toooo much drama,,, and gamesmanship,,

i think you must take him out camping in the woods re educate him about romance and sex let him see the gentleness and calmness in things only a calm surrounding with not many humans around can help him get back to you as in your first romances.

i think is too much better to think about sex but you will feel injoy if it starting with love so evryone will do the best to make the another happy

I want my hubby to watch ****, while im out with another man getting ****** over n over all night n day. I t old his connection that im his ***** and I love his ****!!

I use to love watching my (first) wife get having sex! It is a great turn on. Unfortunately, my current wife is not so much into that.

I am in a sexless marriage as well. Now I enjoy it bcuz im so horny 24/7. I know im wanting to be unfaithful. It will happen. A man was looking in my window one night, I enjoyed it and opened the drapes so he could see better.a week later I was raped by a very strong man with huge ****...I surrendered and told him id never tell. He got me wire, I sucked him all night long. Begging him to *** in me again. I went to his house. Stayed a week. I want him so bad.I go there everyday to please his ****!!

Wow after reading this... and from the mans point of view I only wish this was posted long ago... so that my wife could have read this... and it might have still given my marriage a chance. Now after 10 years of sexlessness...I have absolutely no desire for her

Leila I hope you know that you are Not the problem here.

Well that is a valid point - to be an ob<x>ject is no turn on. But what happens to people when that isn't the case. When it is not about sexually ob<x>jectifying a person, but rather, having having a normal love life that includes sex?

i think the problem is you . coz you don't have to be just have to be afriend must to be close to your husband more and more . i was study for three years about family problems. now there is one advice.for example,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, when you see your husband tell him that you want watch to see asexual movies with him and you want to do what they are doing . you have to do what the pitches doing in these movies. dance for him as anight club *******.and make more of Lure. you will see the diff.replay to may if there something change at locabry139(AT)

I want such a sexually unsatisfied wife as my close friend. I am trying to get such a friend for long time through different social networking websites, but I am not successful yet. I wish to tell all such ladies, please have trust on me. I want ONLY ONE such woman, not many. I want to make very close and passionate love relationship with her and I want to give her everything that she is missing in her unsatisfied married sex life. Please contact me if you are interested - chirokishore[at]gmail[dot]com

i would like to be ur good friend

Yes JRSK. <br />
<br />
QUOTE: they just don't accompany that love with physical affection. UNQUOTE <br />
<br />
Why does physical affection have to be sex, exclusively? <br />
<br />
I wish I was able to feel your side. In the world as you describe it I may as well be dead. You are saying I cannot love someone because I am incapable of sex.<br />
<br />
Yet I feel 24/7/52 the need to be physically close to someone. My life is worthless without laying with, holding, kissing, waking up with someone next to me, touching my body with hers. But sex does not come into it. Just love, that's all.... but love seems so secondary to sex in everyone else but me. <br />
<br />
I may have mentioned it here, but of the 80 relationship breakups I surveyed on EP, 2 ended due to financial issues, none because of having nothing in commopn or constant rowing. Yes, you guessed it, 78 out of 80 relationships broke up because the sex went wrong. they had no common interests, no fun, no responsibilities, no LOVE, ....only sex to hold them together. <br />
<br />
So, I say to you, treasure your love, even without sex, because it can far more easily go the other way without love. A man's best sex-partner is his right hand... it never deserts him for another, it knows how to please him and it never has a headache when he wants it. <br />
<br />
So why throw away a loving relationship where your right hand can adequately replace the sex, when just to get twice the sex you could well end up losing all the love? <br />
<br />
....and if you don't wasnt the love without sex, send her to me..... please!

You lack the attitude towards life, just visit with your partner and have a wild sex life.....

I can understand this, my hubby too is like that and it is a big turn off, you keep wondering if he is attracted to you or that female on the DVD or computer. its as if I am not enough for him to feel passionate, plus he always likes to turn me over that makes me feel neglected and not desired as if he is in his fantasy not in to me. no matter how guys justify this, its a big turn off.

Some people marry that are not compatible sexually. Make it work, or dont. That is your choice. Dont wallow in anger that the person you married isnt your sexual type (and I am saying this to EVERYONE not just the gal that was brave enough to write this). You have the choice to stay in it or not. I have chosen to live my life with less sex than I physically need, because my husband gives me the emotional love I need. **********. Self love. Sex doesnt make you lovable. yes it hurts but it doesnt define you.

I love women who love to play the victim. I have been married for 25 years and my wife looks at other men sometimes. Doesn't mean she wants to sleep with him. She is attracted to other men at times.She's married...not dead. Same thing for men. It is not unusual for couples to watch adult videos together. You don't want to be his sexual fantasy but you don't want some other women to be either. Sometimes men are not Mr Romance...sometimes men are just plain horny. You cant expect this man to continue in a sexless relationship just because you want one. To whom much is given...much is expected. You don't get to choose what you want to do and don't want to do in a married. I bet if you surprise him sexually a few times...a lot of that **** will go away.

I have many clients come to me who complain there wives won't have sex with them. And to be honest I think, "well I don't want to have sex with you either!!". NOT ALL of them, but the married deviant men who want to stick it in my BUTT (which will never happen).

I wouldn't have thought there was a ***** these days who doesn't do anal. That said, I don't blame you. I've heard that gay men run the p0rn industry. I think they decided to get straights f*cking butts so people would stop criticizing gays for it.

you'd be surprised. there aren't many sex workers who do anal, atleast in australia anyway. It's highly dangerous and if you're sore you have to go home so miss out on making money. Therefore it is not lucrative.

I'm glad you're aware it's dangerous. according to the renowned AIDS expert Stuart Brody, heterosexual transmission of HIV in Africa has been because of anal sex.

I agree it is a turn off for me ...a man who's sexuality is dominated by external elements. Like ****, media.... etc.<br />
<br />
I could never have a relationship with someone like this or I may as well just be f-ing a client. Actually some of my clients are great in the sack and not perverted. These experiences I actually ENJOY.

sex is a things which all men want ... its common thing but too much desire of sex is quite bad ...

Glad you and your husband are working things out. Good luck.

Dear L.L,<br />
Went through ALL 11 pages before commenting.<br />
I am both proud of how CLEARLY you shared your pain,doubts and anguish,and give thanks that you are both pulling through.<br />
It a two way street.I am glad you BOTH found the middle ground.<br />
All the rest is water under a bridge.Good to learn from & grow beyond,but in the past.<br />
Go ahead and creat you NEW future the way you BOTH NEED it to be.<br />
Proud of you,really!

Hi everyone. As conceptualclarity mentions, there were many changes that happened over time. The original story was posted in 2007, it is now 2012. If my marriage situation really interests you please take the time to read the posts made after 2009, especially from page #9.<br />
<br />
Two notes about this are there in the opening story. It amazes me that people jump to conclusions so quickly and don't take the time to see things carefully. I think a lot of problems in marriage stem from this, people are very quick to draw conclusions and condemn their partners or other people. I did this myself early on, I admit it, so I don't mean to judge all you guys. But if you want to have a marriage that is built to last it really pays to be open minded and not judge too quickly.<br />
<br />
My 2009 note:<br />
<br />
2nd STORY UPDATE (10/24/09): Hi everyone. I made some edits in the original post (above) so it would be clearer. Once again I must ask you to please go to page # 9 and read from there. I was very angry in the early pages, but my husband and I both made efforts to reconnect. Things have changed dramatically. Please read from page 9, or else you are missing the changes in my life. People change, but you have to pay close attention to one another, forgive one another. Understand why your partner doesn't want to have sex, if they refuse you, and why sexual intimacy is so ESSENTIAL for a marriage, if you are the refuser. Most importantly, don't jump to conclusions!!!

ya all these women think that a high libido man is an animal,, they dont realize that good sex is the glue that keeps a good relationship togather,, ,, im at an age where im ready and planning to get the hell out,, there are a couple of women that think im attractive and wanna go off ,, make love laugh and have fun,, im going to also,, *f*u*c*k the crap..

count me out of those women that think that....Men and women are different...we should celebrate those differences! I would love to have a high libido man in my life, one that I love of course.

Well if your not attracted to him and find him disgusting why stay is it because of money? I'am sorry but you sound selfish and you only think of yourself. Your husband still wants you and think of how he feels that is wife does not want him. Yeah he sounds like a freak and you cant admit to him what you really feel about him. If he is unattractive physically tell him to do something about it or move on and be happy and find a guy that is not into sex as much as you. Sorry but i have meet people that have been married for 50 years and lol they tell me what makes it last is being a freak in the sheets. Yeah its nice to make love but you cant plan it or expect it it just happens......

it seems there is more a need to tell it how it is and leave the comfort zone. It helps to share with others but in reality you should be reaching an agreement on the status of your union sooner rather than later so that you can get a life. Cheating is not the answer it will feel like revenge and he may use that as proof that its all your fault. We live in a society where people frequently say they made love when all they were doing was having sex. Sex is important in a relationship but it is not always about love. Dean Martin one of many Hollywood stars had relationships with many beautiful women less than half his age but when he was dying it was his long suffering wife who was there. That is love. She kept her promise to him despite his betrayal. Whether you are religious or not there is much wisdom in the Bible. The Bible defines love as patient,kind,it does not envy or boast, it is not proud or rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs, Love does not delight in Evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects,trusts,always hopes,and always perseveres. True Love never fails 1corinthians 13 v 4-8

I have true love for my husband and pray a lot................however,he has E.D. due to diabetes

who the hell edits all the words out and replaces them with asterisks,, very very annoying

The EP filter. It thinks o-r-g-a-s-m is an obscenity.


well isn't THAT ridiculous!!??

Wow he wanted to incorporate ****, use different positions, and incorporate sex toys! He sounds like an adventurous lover. I can't believe him how horrible for him to spice things up. <br />
<br />
Anyway I also can't believe upon not getting sex from you he started engaging in things like prostitutes and massage parlors, and looking for sex online I can't believe he would try to do that to make up for the lack of sex at home. Damn what an b-hole.<br />
<br />
Time to do some internal soul searching lady.

Didn't you see my comment? They patched it up and resumed making love.

Thanks for reminding folks ((conceptualclarity)). Interesting how easily people miss small details like that.

No reply needed my post and your original attitude say it all. Refuser justification at it's best.

People please read the whole story not just the first few paragraphs.

Get a divorce and stop worrying about his sex life while he is happy with it get a life because he certainly has one and you are not in it . Or talk to your man and be spontaneous you seem to be dainty and ladylike in bed you can't handle it so these things turn him off because you are not .i wish you luck if you want him to see you and only you naked you need to loosen up .you still have a man that still get it up some don't .

Sorry to hear about that, never been married but that sucks

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Maybe I'm missing something, but isn't EP already serving that function?

lol idk this is ƒunny to me and weird

i think am person who does any of those things doesn't deserve a person like you. Who hopes that he will come back to the way he is. I'm sorry for you and him for not seeing whats infront of him the one person he needs. Hope he changes real quick.

Hey i don't know if my comment would be justified, but leila i think you should stop listening to almost anyone and everyone who comes your way to suggest on an intricate matter such as this. I personally feel that what you are going through is extremely genuine and you should talk it through...may be one day in the future the both of you will look back at these days of madness and laugh about it. Please don't let it end your marriage

men want sex and if you pay them a lil attn and give them some sex . they will not go **** other women who do like to **** its that simple. feed the dog and he wont go a stray. act like you like him works too.

Glad to hear you are happy again Hope it works out

Its time to leave.The longer you stay the more you open yourself up to more abusive Get out while you can and dont look back This man is a sex addict and you have to accept that type of ingredient. If you value your self worth Get out fast The old saying goes If you Sleep with dogs You get fleas

great for you at all. love won again. God bless you ...

Pathetic excuses " because my husband ........ " doesn't justify for withholding sex. You are the sex relief provider for him. You don't do you job then it is your fault for " NOT PROVIDING RELIEF". <br />
He has total (unwritten) rights to have sex with someone else and get relief from internet ****.<br />
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I don't know what comes first, she withholding sex or he seeking **** on the net, so not too fast to "blame fault", but one may cause the other to happen. Still a pathetic excuse either way.<br />
<br />
Think positively. If he spent too much SEX time on something else, give him a lot of sex to get him refocus on YOU. Or if he does get enough sex then give hints like go on internet and look. Ofcourses, this will only work if you are willing to work on it. It will not work if you just blame other.<br />
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What I saw from the beginning is she just blame it on him for all the problems. I am surprise that this attitude can yield a good result. I think what worked out at the end were she changed her attitude and start working with him to fix the problem.

Ok she hasn't responded in almost a year, but here goes nothing for LL:<br />
<br />
First you were angry, very very angry and with all he was doing no reason why you shouldn't be. You mentioned he got an STD test that came back clean, but men can't be tested for some things. It either shows or it doesn't. Doesn't mean he's clean, sorry to burst your bubble there. Also why did he need an STD test for just hand jobs? Maybe there is more than what you are telling to the story, as is my guess.<br />
<br />
Next, ever watch MSNBC? You sound conservative so my guess is no. They have a sex slave's in America show, and funny enough a lot of them cover PROSTITUTION in massage parlors. There was an episode of specifically Korean's (just like you mentioned he goes too and also with Trade) that shows them using empty Clorox bottles that are filled with hundreds of used condoms and tissue from the inside the condom mess. He prolly was having sex with them. That is reality. There is a 30% chance of him catching one of those untestable STI's from intercourse with those women and they prolly have at least one, and if he went more than once he is increasingly likely to catch one. YOU need to watch out for you. Some of them don't show up for very long periods of time, you feel fine, and boom they kill you or do other life altering things to you. Be informed. Be tested and regularly. Be responsible!<br />
<br />
Also, not to get off topic but you said you needed kids to cement your marriage. Not cool. Some married people can't have children. Are their marriages not as valid and cemented as yours? Think a little before saying what can be something rather rude and untrue. Kids are awesome but standing by your vows and loving one another is the cement for a marriage. Kids are the icing on the cake, not the flour or yeast or milk or anything else that makes a cake a cake. <br />
<br />
I am glad to hear you two are doing better and hope for an update. Best of luck.

Please delete this duplicate posting.

Sex is important if your husband was looking elsewhere is beacuse you starved him, like my wife has done. I never saw **** and stuff, but if she is sleeping when I need romantic conversation and leaves me alone seeing all the good movies I buy for her, the kids sleeping, I make with my hand what she should be doing. I dont dump her because of the kids, but once I find the love again I will

I think he needs help, there is probably something mentally connected to this

I wouldn't describe your husband's appetite as a healthy one at all. The sex industry makes sex dirty and degrading. I am far from a prude but I do not allow any type of p o r n in my house. It ruins the natural sex drive.

Hello everyone i am Alpinto its very nice blog post.<br />
================<br />
dating websites

you are injustified and unfair and a fool not knowing how to keep your husband attracted to you, Life has dumped you. pitty on you.

WEII I CAN Understand how hard it must b 4 u to work on grounds of reality...........................but the fact z u must understand that MEN HAVE GREATER FEELING FOR SEX so they go on searching for other flair & scents just like dogs....................but now ur dog...........sorry ur hubby z comong on normal tracks..................just gve some time & space in ur relation ship & i m sure everything`s gonna b alright

Hi LL,<br />
First of all, - I'm sorry that you're hurting so much. :-( I have some advice for you and I hope that it helps and is well accepted. My perspective on your situation will be very different from yours, but, I think that different perspectives can help you right now. I am a woman in my mid-thirties living in a sexless marriage. I had several long-term relationships prior to my marriage, many shorter-term relationships and even a few one-night stands. I'm a classy, educated, woman and I agree that sex is the best in a loving committed relationship, but, even for me as a woman - there have been times where sex has been taken and enjoyed as just sex. This is nothing abnormal - it's simply human sexuality. Human-beings were not hard-wired to be monogamous creatures. Your husband's behavior stems from thousands of years of men being hard-wired to 'populate the planet'. His wishing to have sex and see various women naked, etc. is simply instinctual. It's not meant to be hurtful to you and it should not affect your relationship/view of him unless he is acting upon it and it sounds like he is - so there, you do have a problem, but, he's clearly acting on it with other women because you are refusing him sexually. <br />
<br />
I can understand your husband's behavior much easier than I can understand my own husband's behavior. I love sex. In recent years my husband has reverted to becoming an asexual being. I find this lack of drive, lack of intimacy, lack of wanting sex (which is truly a physical Need for healthy human-beings) to be nothing less than utterly baffling. <br />
<br />
I'm a beautiful woman and the fact that he doesn't make an effort to have me - or any woman for that matter is a HUGE turn-off for me.<br />
<br />
I would love to be married to a highly sexual man who desires me. <br />
<br />
Why does your husband's healthy sex-drive offend you so much? I am a woman and I think about sex ALL DAY long. <br />
<br />
Sex is a very strong driving force in human-beings (male and female) - it's why most people work so hard to stay in great shape, it's why most people want to dress well, and look there best - all of those efforts are to Attract the opposite sex and we are all bred with this innate need within us to procreate. People desire sex for very natural reasons. <br />
<br />
I think that your husband's drive is very healthy and I would be so turned on by a man who I found attractive with a drive like his. <br />
<br />
I think that you should try to change your attitude towards sex. Sex Is NOT dirty. Maybe you were brought up to believe that it is. It's normal for any man to desire variety. If you are not giving him anything of course he's going to seek it elsewhere - most Normal Men have sexual Needs. <br />
<br />
I'm not telling you to engage in any sort of sexual behavior with him that you are uncomfortable with. <br />
<br />
Hold your ground with what you are and are not comfortable with, but, try to be turned on by the fact that he has a large appetite for sex. <br />
<br />
Maybe you simply don't have that desire/need and if that's the case you should go to see a specialist and make sure that your hormones/thyroid levels are within the normal range and also exercise and eat healthy - being healthy boosts a healthy sex drive. <br />
<br />
Maybe you should buy some soft **** yourself to read? I don't think you should be so offended by your husband's behavior and feel that he's looking at you like your a piece of meat that he wants to pounce? So what if he does? I think that sex even with one partner can and should be different at different times - maybe once in a while he does want to do just "F" - other times maybe you'll both approach it in a loving way, - one sex session or a series of sex sessions in a day can and should change and all feel and be a bit different. There's no greater feeling than being in a healthy, committed relationship - one that consists of both the physical and the emotional aspects.<br />
<br />
I think that your behavior has probably pushed your husband away. I'm sure he knows that you're grossed out by his needs. If you want to save your marriage you should stop that asap and do some soul searching on yourself - why you feel that sex and a strong sex drive is 'gross'? <br />
<br />
I think you should try to change your attitudes about sex. If you want to stay with this man you will have to. If not, stop hurting him and find someone who shares your opinion of sex and has a lower drive. They are out there - I can tell you firsthand. They are. <br />
<br />
Good luck!

Thank u for shedding light on my own situation. I came on EP looking for answers and I did.:)

67goingonto69, I read what you wrote in total shock! My husband (man) broke things, he broke our family, my heart and our children's hearts. He has shown no interest whatsoever in mending jack ****.<br />
<br />
I was with him for many years before we got married. We got married in order to have children (both of us are a child of marriage) and I took my vows seriously. He however didnot. <br />
<br />
I have a nice figure, never denied him sex and was active in bed. It wasnot enough for him, because he has issues!! Not me, him. So the fact that he chose to have his meals outside had nothing to do with me. Infact, he made a point of introducing me to these women he cheated with as friends of friends or colleagues, on reflection, they werenot a patch on me, he had a nice fit wife. I guess he just needed that extra thrill.<br />
<br />
In the end there were 2 reasons why I denied him sex. I realised he had no respect for me as his wife, the mother of his children and for my own health. Going to a STD clinic with two young children intow is no fun let me tell you. I felt so ashamed going into there, and sick that he couldnot even be bothered to put a condom on. I was lucky I had caught nothing, or maybe caught it early. Either way, that was it.<br />
<br />
We lasted for about 5 years with no sex and him living under the same roof. If he had been honest with himself and me. he would have realised he had a major problem. Maybe we could have worked through it, but he just couldnot tell the truth, he HAD to lie and cheat. And yes, we had therapy as a couple, but he lied during that as well.<br />
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This is just my story of why I denied my husband sex, to protect both my emotional and physical health..

In your third paragraph you state: 'have a nice figure, never denied him sex and was active in bed.' Then in the next two paragraphs you talk about " I denied him sex." and "We lasted for about 5 years with no sex."
I never will understand men that spend years married to women without having any sex with them unless it is an alimony issue.

I can't read the hundreds of posts since this thread started. But I'll comment as my comments on such a topic flow out. <br />
<br />
First of all I've been married twice. My possessive mother-in-law broke up my first marriage. My ex-wife and both her parents passed away since over 10 years ago. I'm over 60 approaching 70 years of age. I very well remember a saying that my ex-wife's mum once said. It was "It's the woman that makes the home and the woman that breaks it". I do not have a clue from where she had picked that up. That was back in around 1964. I googled a few of its words but couldn't locate such a saying. Googles, ungoogling doesn't matter. I've thought it over, over the years and found it to be very true. One of the reasons why is because men are easier to manipulate than women. Also women can "manipulate" men easier than vice versa. I can do all sorts of splits and not get anywhere with a woman if she decides to not be manipulated. But vice versa does not apply. <br />
<br />
So let's stop this equality business if anyone wants to start it or continue with it if it has already found space on this forum. Women do not equal men and men do not equal women. Period. <br />
<br />
If a man suspects a woman and she doesn't like it, she can get screwed to revenge herself on the same day that she decides not liking it. A man can try whatever if vice versa, but he can’t guarantee getting screwed on the same day as quickly as the woman, when it's the other way around. So cut out that equality stuff. I'm not into discussing that or buying into such "pointless" discussions, as I would assess them.<br />
<br />
I'm the male. If I have sex with 10 women who only have sex with me and 5 of them get pregnant, it's known who the father and mother of each child is. <br />
<br />
If a woman has sex with 10 guys that only have sex with her (or even not only with her) and she gets pregnant, we won't definitely know who the father is. Maybe DNA has made it possible to know, but let's simply go back a few decades before DNA was discovered or whatever. <br />
<br />
Hence we aren't equal.<br />
<br />
So now you, the wife, want to suspect that your husband is having sex outside and make him suffer for that by depriving him of it. Well if he can't get his meal at home, he'll maybe try to have it outside. Your remedy, depravation, does not work. Why not try showering him with it and see if that gets better results? At least you'll comfort yourself to quit suspecting him if you know that you are showering him with enough. He can threaten you with the threat that he'll have the meal outside and you can't hold it against him. <br />
<br />
Let's see vice versa. He suspects you and deprives you of it. You can try having your meal outside, but it's not as easy to keep it a secret as vice versa. If you use it as threat it'll be held against you. <br />
<br />
There's no equality in the allowable actions and the resultant reactions. So where do you get these ideas that you have the right to suspect. ba<x>sed on that right to suspect, you give yourself the right to punish. And of course because you are serving the punishment, the possibility that the suspicions become actual acts are now more guaranteed. Good for you! Your suspicions got you what you suspected.<br />
<br />
How would you like it if he started suspecting you? Why do you expect him to like and accept it? Would you like and accept it if he started suspecting you? Where do you find it saying that it's okay to suspect him and punish him ba<x>sed on whatever your imaginations suspect? <br />
<br />
Look woman! Men make and mend things, they do not break things. Men make and mend, but do not break. It's the woman/women that make and break. "Break" is the specialty for women.<br />
<br />
So simply stop breaking and looking for ways to blame him.<br />
<br />
I read that you've changed, but this may hopefully help you to further change if further is needed. <br />
<br />
By the way try the following. Have one of those ***** magazines available at his disposal when he next walks in. Once he's into the magazine, walk in on him naked and watch how he puts the magazine down. Do the same when he's on the Internet or thinking of going out with the boys. Does what I'm getting at need a psychiatrist? Fill him up with "food" and he won't eat outside. Deprive him and he'll start thinking about where to eat. It's all in your hands. <br />
<br />
Now here's something to add. In the past 3 years, my wife has forced me to seek outside nutrition. She has been trying for nearly 30 years now to persuade me that we are now too old for sex and should stop indulging. If she wants to be too old, that's up to her. I can't force her to think otherwise. So why does she think she can stop me from still feeling young and still wanting to 'eat"? I can take the torture for so long, but there's a limit to how much depriving tortures one can take. <br />
<br />
In the past 3 years, I've visited maybe over 100-150 prostitutes. Before that (for 5 years) I had a divorcee female friend, where we exchanged balancing each other's hormones to lower than irritating levels, until she got re-married and left me stranded. Well, not all, but some prostitutes go to the troubles of finding it their responsibility to pamper me with scrubbing my back (I don't ask them for it) and drying me up with a towel after the shower. I sometimes do not have an ******. I've lately discovered the reason for that being the high blood pressure tablets that the doctors prescribed to/for me. Well, I've stopped taking them and only take them when needed. Prior to that I found that the majority of those girls (I do not like calling them prostitutes) felt it their duty to continue until I had an ******. <br />
<br />
So now let's compare them to my wife. Does that need a discussion to arrive at her getting zero and they getting 100% marks?<br />
<br />
Obviously what got me here was because my wife has been depriving me of sex for a long time. Maybe it's different to your reasons, but the word "sexless" has been my nickname for her for a long time now, hoping that she'd get the message to correct her attitudes, but she hasn't cared to till now. I'm not asking my wife to pamper me like some of those girls do. My explanation for the high blood pressure is that it's due to the build up of frustrations for sex. I've monitored it and I've verified it to myself without need for any scientific article to mention it or confirm it. Whether it's true or not doesn't matter here as long as that's what I believe. So what am I to do if my wife has what keeps my BP down and refuses to serve me with it? When the remedy is available and when I know what the remedy is why should I suffer without it or suffer if I go after the remedy when she refuses to give it to me? <br />
<br />
I'll stop here and request you to discontinue your "equality" bull. Just do what you have to do (like obliged to do) as the female partner in your relationship with your husband and you'll hopefully be rewarded with him also limiting himself within reasonable obligations too. <br />
<br />
If you however still wish to break the home because you find it being every woman's obligation, try something new. Try to limit yourself to making and mending and let him do the breaking for a change. See how far you can get with that and let us know. My wife may beat you at it because I'm seriously thinking of getting married if I do find a matching partner (I don't necessarily have to get divorced to marry another wife. I can become a Moslem to do that or maybe I'm one already. There's a solution to everything, almost everything). Yeah, I'm a dirty old man. I'm nearly 70 years old. But I don't know how long I'm going to live. I might live till 100. Should I go through the next 30 years sexless? Or should I accept my life being shortened because sexlessness has been God's destiny for me that I should accept even if accepting it is going to kill me off early. Or maybe I'll be accountable on doomsday for not having satisfied my frustrations? Aren't my finding solutions for my wife's deprivations good deeds? I mean she won't be held accountable if I solve them. <br />
<br />
Now woman! I hope you have enough to stop what you are "breaking" your marriage into and getting on with enjoying sex because you've found out how to like it and because you feel happy that your husband is happy with how well you serve your meals. <br />
<br />
I miss my ex-wife. We both loved sex. In her later years before passing away, she let me know that she regretted letting her mum break us up. <br />
<br />
Don't do what you might regret. Or maybe you'd like to remarry a guy that hates sex? You've got a guy that loves it. What more do you want? 

that is why the marriage contract should be renewal every 10 years, if both want to continue that is fine but if one wants out then it is a automatic devorce between the two. This way both will try very hard to satisfy their spouse so when 10 years is up they will consider to stay together for another go at it, sex will have to be the important role in the renewal and so on.

Hello, tinkersnow. So please tell me this : if your husband were to catch you cheating or ogling naked men in ****, which part of your anatomy should you "lose"?

What i find to be amazing is that the women always blame the man, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS WHETHER THEY BE KNOWN OR UNKNOWN. I am a man going on 4 months with out sex from my wife, she has said the same things as you have, but if you would stop and look at how you think about sex you might understand him a little more. For men we are visual we like to look at things where as women like to think about things, but if you over think things you will make it worse than it really is. Just because a man looks at a refrigerator does not mean that he is thinking about food, more than likely he is, but that maybe he is looking at the kids art work, or that he is thinking that you need a new fridge, or that it needs to be cleaned out, or that it needs to be moved etc... When you start looking out of your husbands eyes and knowing, not guessing, what he is thinking then you have the right to be upset. Have you ever thought that if you have sex with him more often that he would not do these things, or is it that you are only thinking of your self and how you feel and not about how he feels. We get hurt when you don't want to have sex with us but we are not going to tell you that because we are your rock, your shoulder, your stability. Look at it like this, you talk to your kids, your family, your friends, co-workers, and lots of others, then one day your husband comes home and says that you are not allowed to talk to ANYONE, that you can only talk to him no computer, no phone, no talking to your kids, NO ONE, then when you go to talk to him he does not talk to you, HOW DO YOU THINK THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL.

What i find to be amazing is that the women always blame the man, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS WHETHER THEY BE KNOWN OR UNKNOWN. I am a man going on 4 months with out sex from my wife, she has said the same things as you have, but if you would stop and look at how you think about sex you might understand him a little more. For men we are visual we like to look at things where as women like to think about things, but if you over think things you will make it worse than it really is. Just because a man looks at a refrigerator does not mean that he is thinking about food, more than likely he is, but that maybe he is looking at the kids art work, or that he is thinking that you need a new fridge, or that it needs to be cleaned out, or that it needs to be moved etc... When you start looking out of your husbands eyes and knowing, not guessing, what he is thinking then you have the right to be upset. Have you ever thought that if you have sex with him more often that he would not do these things, or is it that you are only thinking of your self and how you feel and not about how he feels. We get hurt when you don't want to have sex with us but we are not going to tell you that because we are your rock, your shoulder, your stability. Look at it like this, you talk to your kids, your family, your friends, co-workers, and lots of others, then one day your husband comes home and says that you are not allowed to talk to ANYONE, that you can only talk to him no computer, no phone, no talking to your kids, NO ONE, then when you go to talk to him he does not talk to you, HOW DO YOU THINK THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL.

To LostLeila : haven't been here long and i don't know it all but from what you are telling us your husband seems to be addicted to **** and sex. this addiction is like any other - not easy to be rid of and you have to be willing to be rid of it. addictions and lies are bedfellows. from what i am reading you are not involved in this story at all only what you make of it. if you want things to change for you it will take you making the effort and plenty of prayer- those are the only things that will work.

has your spouse stopped completely from looking at **** and how is your relationship today

I have only just started reading comments. I am a mature mother of 2 with a husband who does not want sex from me. I am athletic, have been all my life, so my weight is not at issue. I love sex. I want sex. Over the past 6 years, he has not touched me, nor has he made any move to do so. We have been to counselling, to no avail. He does not like it when i try to discuss the situation. I stopped trying to discuss it; he gets so upset. We live like friends. But i can tell you this: when you are denied sex, the normal reaction is that sex suddenly becomes all-important. It has gotten to the point where all i think about is sex. I think this is normal.

leila<br />
<br />
Sex without love is just like soul without body , when ever u are love , or u want to make love then only a feel of having sex arouses in your mind. when there is no love & only sex in the mind then there is only one thing that is LUST .<br />
its does not requires any intimacy , any emotion , its only requirement is an another body which can take care of your lust and satisfy you willingly or unwillingly.<br />
i want you to take care of your relation , explain him the real meaning of love .<br />
<br />

Honestly, I can see why you were turned off. I am glad you got it turned around.

I can totally relate to what you wrote. I have no desire to be intimate with my husband (for various reasons). Sometimes he just blurts out of nowhere "can we have sex?" and I am thinking "what the hell!" no trying to get me in the mood or anything just let's go straight to it kind of attitude. All that does is make me even less likely to want to do anything with him. Especially when he asks if we can do it just after a fight where he repeatedly calls me a stupid idiot and I am still mad. God I hate him.