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All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

 ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the house. He watched **** on the Internet, had huge folders of naked women photos on our computer, even chatted up other women by e-mail. (He was once a member of this forum, by the way).

I had thought he visited prostitutes, but wasn't sure. I knew he went to topless bars with his friends, where they got lap dances. I found out that they would also visit massage parlors in our area, to get hand jobs. He said he loved me and wanted to be intimate with me, but he had no idea about what was going on inside of me, didn't know what I was thinking, how I had become disgusted with him.

He used to be very romantic, think only about me, but that changed long ago. After he got into the **** and other stuff his attitude was more like he'd have sex with anyone who was willing, if he could. He saw women as sexual objects, myself, my friends who visited, women in supermarkets, everyone everywhere. His mind was filled with only one thing: SEX. When we did make love I felt like he was using me. He wanted to used sex toys, put me in positions I didn't feel comfortable with. He wanted to watch adult movies while we made love. It was gross. He wasn't paying attention to ME. We weren't making love anymore, it was like we were just F--king.

I missed my old boyfriend,the man I had fallen in love with and married, that's what I missed. I felt lost, didn't even know who this man was that I married, he'd changed so much. He'd become a bit of a pervert. "Sorry, honey, if you are reading this." I told him, "Shut off the computer and focus on me, maybe something could happen, maybe not. I just don't know, and for a long time have not cared. Why should I have sex with you if I no longer feel attracted to you? I'm not a freaking prostitute. Ugh." Fortunately, he did turn off the computer, he changed his ways, and started to come back to me. You can read our story here. Please don't jump to conclusions though. Make sure you read our whole story. Please know, that people can change. (original story edited 10/09)

1st STORY UPDATE (7/4/08, slight edit 10/09): I am not going to go in and change anything that follows, so newcomers can read the natural progression of my story. I would just like to ask anyone who reads this to check carefully all posts after #90, as people are responding to what I wrote early on in this discussion, not even taking the time to read the last few pages, where I describe how things have changed. Thank you for your attentiveness.

2nd STORY UPDATE (10/24/09): Hi everyone. I made some edits in the original post (above) so it would be clearer. Once again I must ask you to please go to page # 9 and read from there. I was very angry in the early pages, but my husband and I both made efforts to reconnect. Things have changed dramatically. Please read from page 9, or else you are missing the changes in my life. People change, but you have to pay close attention to one another, forgive one another. Understand why your partner doesn't want to have sex, if they refuse you, and why sexual intimacy is so ESSENTIAL for a marriage, if you are the refuser. Most importantly, don't jump to conclusions!!!

No Longer Lost,

Leila

LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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Very happy for the way things turned out in your favor.

Best of luck to you.

ITs normal for a guy to think about sex a lot else there would be no babies. You just need to have that conversation. Communicate or get separated.

first of all, rest assured, you're about to get REAL
advice from a REAL man. He is a boy, he never had a man teach him how to be a man, and Argo, he has no idea, he moves in the world trying to figure it out, but it has to be taught by other men.

You're a sexual being, deep down, you want to be you, and that's the good point.
You need ALL the control for it to work, this is how. When a man talks, and asks for something,
he puts his emotions right out there, she could
refuse him and he is cut down like the oak tree,
or she can do it, because she decided to trust,
and respect him enough to Obey, obedience is trust,
without trust, relationships don't work.

You need a man to tell you to ware what he wants,
do the things he wants, act in ways he wants, you're a woman, a blank canvas ready to be splashed by emotions for a landscape picture. You need a man who will ask ALL what he wants, be it high heels in bed, a dirty shirt, not letting you ever ware thongs, only letting you have white panties, or telling you to randomly stand up, so you feel sexy. You control your own actions, and when you do as the man says, you are still in control, but now, his emotions are in your fingers.

Gentleman avoid you because the ones around you,
we see you say "No." to a guy, and we are out of the place like a light. We know who are boys and who are men, say "No." to a man while single for example, and the girl is a no go, she's a emotion drain. and women love to teach women "no." because then they cant have the real men, the women with the lies get them... Make him man up, be a real man. Where he wants to put his jack, he should tell you, speed of sex, he should tell you, when sex happens, he's on it, if you have to say sorry, because he decided, you do it.
Only a real man makes a girl happy.
And that is from a REAL man.

You wouldn't know one if you met him.

Obey ? Lolol

you give me hope with your story. thank you

U should do it with hubby he will cheat on u

I am in same situation as your husband is, and why I do that because I could not find my wife attractive and she does not care about this she always busy with kids she always tired. Never said I love you etc... so what you think what should I do ? She do sex with me she do what I said but I have not married a cow ????

My problem was she would say she was in the mood in the afternoon but when evening came was not and feel asleep. Then she would expect me to know when she was ready. I would get worked up and she would not be in the mood. I finally said let me know when it is not fair to think I can read her mind. It felt like she was playing games. Well don't need to worry about her lieing thieving *** she is gone took to long for it to come around she spent money like it was water and when the well went dry she snuck away. Then had the nerve to ask about coming back.

He's a little horn bag....lololol....all kidding aside ... these are the symptoms of a man not receiving enough sexual release. If he needs more sex he may have too find a partner and talk too his spouse about outsourcing or separation.

Sex is what holds everything together in a relationship...if its not happening its time too move on....there isn't anyone that should be suffering sexually in their relationship if they are then its time too figure out the next move for happiness.

no sex, bad sex, no caring, robotic love affects everything you do and sweeping under the rug only makes it worse.....good luck!!!

Agree with you on these points. If your sex life is zero there are some serious problems that need addressed or the relationship is none existent.

I disagree. There is plenty of relationship, it just isn't a HEALTHY relationship for both parties.
Probably not all that healthy for the Denier either.

no wonder u didnt want sex

I think your story illustrates the very real damage caused by *********** addiction. The sad thing is, it is obvious to the partners of those using it, but those using it think it is harmless. *********** objectifies the sexual partner; your spouse is no longer a loving companion but a sex object. I am so glad that you kept communicating with your husband and that he has begun to meet your needs as a full person again.

I would direct you to the APA site where the metastudies of 140,000 men demonstrates clearly THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS **** / SEX ADDCITON. Does not exist. Just another scam by rightwing religionists to sell more guilt and more social power.

**** was not the problem . The problem is one tried new things instead talking from the start she just refused sex sometimes sex Will be sex. Other times it will be the caring loving thing. Sometimes you just have to be an animal and use it for relief. You have two people expecting one to get their way all the time is wrong.

LostLeila i think you have your own rights you are an individual and not an object of lust i feel that person is not worthy of your love he just wants one thing so i think love a person who loves your heart who loves your smile who loves your happiness i am ashamed of your husband how could he just extract what he wants from you without caring enough

My first question would be did you stop giving him sex first?? did he start looking at **** and other things after? you dont have to do nothing that u dont want to but you are his wife and in a way you most please him too. sex is not the main importance in a marriage but it has to be there or it wont work out

My question is not \'Did you stop giving him sex\" and replace it with \"so when did sex become a chore rather than something you WANTED to do?\"

i want your present photo.and where r u living right now

just do what your husband want! give pleasure for him! you are his wife! serve him!

I knew I should have married an Asian woman . . . :-)

Definitely! But every coin has two sides.You need to know what you really want exactly.As for me, I love blonde,they beautiful.When you have chance to be with the one you loved so much it's worthy to sacrifice some other things.

As for brunette,you can come to asia.Asian girls are attracted to white men.Sometimes these girls feel proud if they married a white man, as i see it they just lose their mind...However if the native boys want to marry these girls,it will not be so easy since they always ask so much.Most of them are so money worship especially in the big cities of China.
P.S. I've never seen a person with red head,a real red head not the coated one...Did this kind of human really exist?

No es dificil comprender a la mujer si el hombre no fuera machista el mundo sería diferente

Sex is the most important to a man. Its in our wiring. Can I ask if you had done something to change? Did you get a new haircut or hair color? Did you stop smoking. Did you get heavy? There is always a reason why men lose interest in their partners. Maybe he changed and simply wanted a younger woman. This happens to men who have been married a long time.

But it now looks like you have this in hand. Congratulations to you.

umm - I'm a woman and its more important to me than to him

IT IS

I have to agree with rosé. I too am a woman and I have always and still do want sex far more than my H. He's gained over 100 lbs since we married nearly 13 years ago and seems to obsess more about food and craft beer than any woman, much less me. Fear, anxiety, whatever his reasons for stopping our sex and intimacy altogether, the reality is that it doesn't exist and it's not for my lack of want

Its nice to see woman who find sex as important to them as it is to me. I have gained weight to but that doesn't stop my sex drive. I would say I love sex more now than I was in my 20's.

I could have wrote that. Same for me brother.

2 More Responses

Your courage is AMAZING. I am glad I read that you two reconnected. But a lack of sex could mean many things. Just be glad that you and your husband is willing to reconnect! I wish you the best of luck and a happy life!

i envy your courage.. :)

Es muy dificil entender a las muejes en el aspecto sexual ..podriamos decir que la comunicasion ayuda pero..a lo mejor yo este equivocado pero las mujeres son como los hombres van cambiando en el trascurso del matrimonio se vuelve monotonía rutinario las palabras de amor ya no funcionan ...bueno ay que ser sinceros al 100% y honestos aunque traiga consecuencias pero es mejor saber que vivir en la ignorancia pensando que asemos bien la vida dentro del matrimonio ..... gracias por eceptar mi comentario .....

She is having an affair.

I have only read the first three paragraphs, and would like to mention that what you have described is every single man on this earth. We are here to have sex, we are supposed to have it very young, we are supposed to be with many women, we are supposed to all die young. This modern world is against our human nature, lots of guys still act like natural humans and are sexually very active in the ways you have described of him. Women are mainly here to be raped by the men who want to have sex, that's the natural order of our natural human life. It's only recently that there is "romance" and "civilization" and "respect." It's not natural. Just wanted to mention that. You can find a guy who will hide all of those traits, good for him, but they are in his mind regardless of if he hides them or not.

Whoa whoa whoa. "woman are mainly here to be raped by the men who want to have sex" I got some news for you, without women you wouldn't be here. You are one twisted cookie.

Obviously that would imply impregnating them to have a child... meaning they're here to be a Mother... How ever you want to look at it... Put the big picture together.

News for you most guys think about sex alot its part of the way we procreate if we did not think about it alot there would be no children and our race would vanish. Glad you worked it out. Communication real important in any relation.

Proud of you. Hugs. Sounds like your man has some sense.
My hubby was my best friend, but things changed too drastically over the years for a reconciliation. I miss the "best friends" part of the relationship so does he. That posterity, the things we shared together. It's gone. As if it never existed. Those shared moments... Poeffff. Gone.
Am in a new relationship now, but I DO miss the posterity and my new man knows NOTHING about the last 18 years of my life and it's not important for him to even want to know because we are both starting afresh...
Creating a new posterity.
But now I can be very different to how I was 18 years ago. Very refreshing I must say not to be with someone that knew me back then and has historical knowledge of me! Ha ha.
See both sides?

Communication important.

you are married but you are alone

so sad

You're husband is the type im dying to have or to be with... I'am suffer so much inside the marriage I had before for many reasons including not giving me the **** that I needed, ok the love is there but I couldnt take away the fact that I love an animalistic FUckkkkkk, sadistic, dirty and sexy fuckkkk that I my ex husband never gave me...

You are very lucky to have him, all u have to do is to be the ***** that he wanted to be and ull see...theres nothing wrong with watching **** while sexing...set aside the love thing, try to look at it in a dirty way... men love all bitchesss no matter what... so be one and enjoy it...it is all safe than love...

Where is my good gal who loves alot of sex at who can also stay true to me?

great story LL, I had a similar problem in my marriage. After gazing around at the other women when my marriage was sexless I came to the conclusion that I was still in love with my wife and we started the painfull talks to get things back on the road. I started by writing her an honest, blunt, letter about how I felt about the marriage and the lack of sex. The letter-bomb led to alot of talks, tears, and finaly to both of us slowly improving things.

It was not fixed over night. There were behaviours I had to stop and this was not easy. There were things she had to do as well. It has been 8 years since that letter changed our lives and we are happier now than when we were dating. I was very lucky to have a wife that wanted to fight for me and my love. We both choose to stay in the marriage and fight for it to work.

Best wishes to you both, DP

Leila,

Congrats. It sounds like you two have put the flame back in your marriage. My hat's off to both of you. When it was easy to give up you BOTH chose to work your way back together. I bet it's fun now too?

From my experiences with an old flame who was addicted to **** and ****** he could neverbe intimate with me. It is a fantasy for the person lost in **** and prosititutes, they don't know how to separate it from the real life. Its a long and sad road to go down because they usually don't want to give that fantasy up. They are so busy pleasuring themselves and probably realize they are incapable of being intimate with someone. Best of luck!

**** can posion men's mind make them always be driven by the desires which can be much more twisty than the natural one.I mean all human beings have desires but some of them just stay in a unnormal sexual status.

This is why I think Marriage is BS. the idea that 2 people should be together forever and have that relationship stay exciting and for the spark to be there forever is ridiculous.
Me I just get into relationships with a woman and so long as we are good for each other we keep it going. As soon as we are not compatible in some way.. we say Bye bye
and each can go our separate ways.. and not have to go through the baloney of a marital divorce with lawyers and a big drawn out legal thing.

Yeah and religions tell people that if they have sex when they are not married its like some big sin or something. Bullsh*t on that.
there is nothing wrong with sex so long as the 2 people are consenting to it.
and you don't need a marriage license to make it valid. that is bullsh*t

forcing people be celibate until the are married and or forcing people to stay in a marriage if they are unhappy in it > because some of bullSh*t religious idea is completely hogwash.

Oh yeah there is some imaginary man up in the sky who is going to send you to eternal fire if you have sex without a marriage license Bullsh+t
Also telling people they have to stay with somebody for their whole life even if they are unhappy is BullSh+t

Just staying in a verbal relationship makes the most sense. You meet somebody you care about. You both agree to be together and you stay together as long as the relationship is good and your compatible. As soon as the relationship does not work anymore you say. Well it was nice knowing you
good luck and bye bye bye.