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All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX
Dec 27th, 2007
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RIGINAL STORY (2007, with 10/09 edits): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the house. He watched **** on the Internet, had huge folders of naked women photos on our computer, even chatted up other women by e-mail. (He was once a member of this forum, by the way).
I had thought he visited prostitutes, but wasn't sure. I knew he went to topless bars with his friends, where they got lap dances. I found out that they would also visit massage parlors in our area, to get hand jobs. He said he loved me and wanted to be intimate with me, but he had no idea about what was going on inside of me, didn't know what I was thinking, how I had become disgusted with him.
He used to be very romantic, think only about me, but that changed long ago. After he got into the **** and other stuff his attitude was more like he'd have sex with anyone who was willing, if he could. He saw women as sexual ob
I missed my old boyfriend,the man I had fallen in love with and married, that's what I missed. I felt lost, didn't even know who this man was that I married, he'd changed so much. He'd become a bit of a pervert. "Sorry, honey, if you are reading this." I told him, "Shut off the computer and focus on me, maybe something could happen, maybe not. I just don't know, and for a long time have not cared. Why should I have sex with you if I no longer feel attracted to you? I'm not a freaking prostitute. Ugh." Fortunately, he did turn off the computer, he changed his ways, and started to come back to me. You can read our story here. Please don't jump to conclusions though. Make sure you read our whole story. Please know, that people can change.
1st STORY UPDATE (7/4/08, slight edit 10/09): I am not going to go in and change anything that follows, so newcomers can read the natural progression of my story. I would just like to ask anyone who reads this to check carefully all posts after #90, as people are responding to what I wrote early on in this discussion, not even taking the time to read the last few pages, where I describe how things have changed. Thank you for your attentiveness.
2nd STORY UPDATE (10/24/09): Hi everyone. I made some edits in the original post (above) so it would be clearer. Once again I must ask you to please go to page # 9 and read from there. I was very angry in the early pages, but my husband and I both made efforts to reconnect. Things have changed dramatically. Please read from page 9, or else you are missing the changes in my life. People change, but you have to pay close attention to one another, forgive one another. Don't jump to conclusions!!!
No Longer Lost,
Leila
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  | Posted Dec 27th, 2007 at 10:28PM Well of course if there is no love... no reason for sex... But many of us are in a sexless love... our spouses profess their love for us... they just don't accompany that love with physical affection. We are here because living like siblings and not married adults is devastating to us. I don't blame you for not wanting to have sex with someone that you don't find sexually attractive. Does your hubby know (well if he reads this he'll know) that you don't love him? And if he isn't there for you... how will he ever find out you haven't been there for him in quite a while either? I think counseling might help you two find the love for each other again. +3 nods   |
 | Posted Dec 27th, 2007 at 10:41PM Clearly you two have no use for each other. Why not do the universe a favor and end this? Are you just punishing him for being repulsive? Or is there something you're not telling us that you get out of the relationship, that keeps you together? Seriously, your answers could really clear up some things for many of us. +5 nods |
 | Posted Dec 27th, 2007 at 10:50PM I'm not punishing him, I just don't feel sexually attracted to him anymore, in any way. We have children. Look, I don't need to defend myself here. I'm a good wife and mother. About the only thing I'm not doing that I could is be sexual with him. He's the one who has changed. He should go see a counselor and clean up his act. If he wants to leave, he should, but don't blame me. You can't blame a women for not desiring you if you go around thinking about SEX all the time, looking at other women. He doesn't really want me, he doesn't know what I'm thinking, he's scared to ask cause he wouldn't want to hear what I think of him. +6 nods |
| Posted Dec 27th, 2007 at 11:17PM No don't defend - I'm not attacking. I'll admit your attitude got me squirming in my seat a little but I don't presume you are anything less than a good wife and mother. I'm just trying to understand why you stay together. If my wife thought of me the way you think of your husband, and she had the nerve to tell me, I would leave. Then she and I and our child could start healing. If I so much as supected my partner were getting paid gratification they would be gone in a flash. So I'm just asking - what is the real reason you don't end it? I'm a guy. I think about sex all the time. My wife knew that when she married me - she was complicit in it, enjoyed that aspect of me. If she told me now that she finds me disgusting, I could stop going around in this ridiculous circle trying to understand. I'm just looking for answers - and no you are not obligated. But your thoughts are appreciated. +4 nods |
| Posted Dec 27th, 2007 at 11:25PM Do you have magazines all over the house, and **** DVDs? Do you surf the Internet looking at naked women? If so, you're like my husband. I can't speak for your wife but for me that is a turn off. He's not interested in me, he has sex on the brain. If he had an affair I'd leave him, but if he's paying for hand jobs I just feel sorry that he's gotta do that, and honestly I don't want to know or think about it. Why do I stay with him? He's a good father. The area of life where we have problems is between him and I, sexually. He's lost his focus, which used to be me and only me. Or so I thought. I don't know, I just feel tired, and don't feel like I have to explain myself. +3 nods |
| Posted Dec 27th, 2007 at 11:33PM I'm tired too. You don't have to explain. Thanks for responding. |
 | Posted Dec 27th, 2007 at 11:56PM I fit your husbands M.O. fairly closely. So do a lot of my friends, as well as a few of my relatives. Has the abundance of sexual media materials turned us into sex maniacs? I don't feel that way. On the other hand I've seen hundreds of women naked, in photos mostly. I guess that does effect the brain somehow. A thousand years ago only a great king or sheik would have such an experience. It makes you think you are special, deserving of sexual attention. Had not considered that for a wife it might seem kinda disgusting. I know she doesnt like when I spend too much time online. It's sometimes like we live in completely different worlds, this grand canyon between us. +3 nods |
 | Posted Dec 28th, 2007 at 1:26AM Leila, if your hubby's "sex on the mind all the time", meant, "sex, but with only YOU, on his mind all the time", and if he had no interest in any sex that didn't involve you, how would you feel? |
| Posted Dec 28th, 2007 at 3:24AM Listen, no offense, but what you just wrote gives me the creeps. You make him sound like a stalker. This is the whole problem, sex on the mind, always wanting sex, it's like you guys have become animals. Is that what years of adult movie watching does to a person? I don't mean to attack you, maybe you didn't mean it that way. All I know is that when I met my husband we had a relationship, and sex was a part of that, it was an ex Did you read about that tiger who attacked and killed someone in a zoo recently? It lept out of its enclosure and mauled the first victims it could find. My husband has tried to give up the dirty movies a few times, for me, he said. Then he starts looking at me as the nearest piece of meat, it's creepy. Its like he's become this hunter, predator, and I'm the nearest conquest or victim. Gross. He didn't look at me that way when we first fell in love, or if he did, I didn't notice. I loved him. I still love him, just I don't feel comfortable the way sex has become this obsession with him. It's like living with a ex-**** star, the places his mind has been. Mind and body. He and his friends go to the local ***** place every month, doing whatever they do there. I know its interactive, they aren't just watching. Lap dances, right, is what they go for? He's obsessed with sex, and doesn't care who it is he's touching or looking at, as long as they're naked. What was once beautiful has become ... I don't know. I hate talking about this. Feel like throwing up. Sorry. +3 nods |
| Posted Dec 28th, 2007 at 3:58AM Hope you guys are able to find some way to reconnect again Leila. You need him to see you as you are, and perhaps he needs you to see him, as he once was, and can be? Peace. +5 nods |
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