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The Sexless Marraige — Chemical Castration As An Option

Living in a sexless marraige isn't the sort of thing that a person can talk about with friends, and if you know that there are no solutions then it isn't the sort of thing you can talk about with therapists. I found, however, that I couldn't live with the pain and the constant reminders of alternatives,... the ever-present temptation to have an affair, first and foremost. I tried to seek a way to lower my libido. I had researched several drugs that were used for "chemical castration," which is an actual term. But these drugs — mainly birth control medications — are difficult to get without a doctor that is willing to prescribe them. The medical community tends to advocate other solutions first. I went online and posted my questions on dozens of message boards everywhere: "Is there a way for a man to lower his libido?" I received a short list of answers; some suggesting such strange things as saltpeter (once thought to have made desire vanish), to vigorous exercise, to the old standard of ************. Late last April, I recieved the suggestion to "Ask a urologist about the antiandrogens. Read about hypersexuality and antiandrogens in Wikipedia." I followed this advice and found a wealth of information that had never been revealed to me before. I recommend that you research the terms yourself for a broader understanding, but to put it in a nutshell, these drugs are used, in part, for gender reversals. They are the opposite of steriods, in a way.
 The drug I take is called cyprostat (also known as androcur). It suppresses testosterone. Of the various kinds of antiandrogens that were out there, this one in particular seemed to have the most promise, the least amont of side effects, and the most predictable outcome per dosage. It is "unavailable" to purchase in the United States, so getting a prescription wasn't a choice. However, with the internet, finding an overseas supplier was a breeze. I ordered it online and began taking it on May 1, 2007. I began seeing results right away, however,... after a week I believe. 
 Since I began taking the drug (I take 100mg a day), I have this to report: 1) Almost total lowering of my libido! I'm very happy about this and I can't say that I miss it at all. 2) My depression has eased. I still have down days, since I regret the loss of intimacy as well as sex, and there appears to be little I can do about it. 
3) I'm growing hair on top of my head. I was almost totally bald from the crown of the head forward. You couldn't tell it by looking at my full head of hair now. The only side effect I dread is "man boobs". I think higher dosages are the main cause of that issue so I hope to avoid it. If I develop boobs, however, I'll still continue to take the cyprostat. 
I only recently confessed my self medicating to my wife. She and I have agreed to get couples counseling, but I have not expectations for any change at all in our relationship. For other men out there that suffer from the same problem that I have experienced, I offer my sincere prayers for your situation, and this advice: There are still a few options left in a sexless marraige.
gadzoocs gadzoocs 41-45, M 67 Responses Dec 28, 2007

Your Response


Its nice to read yous story as i want to do the same. Im 50 do not sleep well and know im not any gond at sex as my gf has a hung black guy who she sees for the fun times
having sex to me is a chore regardless of how much i love her and want to not have the stress of an erection that doesnt satisfy her

do you suppose this is real? I admit I have been close to this point but my God who is the abnormal one. Not the person with normal healthy desire! how utterly sad and absurd

thanks for your post. I only found "hug it out" results on google. Infuriating. As if you're not tortured but never thought of asking - please can the torture end? - ridiculous.

How sad........

All men suffered in sexless marriage with wives who approved medical castration should run like mad and check their they lost sense of reality and normality...

I guess I am one that doesnt believe in Marriage, and has never, ever cared about sex in even the slightest way. So matters like this are not applicable. I need no human interaction. Period.

Thanks for bumping up this comedic masterpiece from the past Micky24.

No problem

I'm a 24 year old woman looking for the same thing. I'm tired of being frustrated, resentful, disappointed and basicaly in a sexless marriage. Its been a 5 year problem, fights all the time and big depressions. I did recently find myself in love with another man and having an affair. But it turns out he was just using me and telling me everything to get me to fall for him, to keep getting what he wanted pretending we'd get together but it was all lies of course. So now I just want to get rid of my sex drive all together. I hate this stupid need I have and just want it to stop

I can't believe I've just read this. Does your wife know you've done this? I am horrified.

I suppose I can kind of understand it from the point of view of a couple with severe medical problems, but even then, these things aren't going to do you any good in the long term, surely. For a healthy person to do this really is a shock.

Apart from anything, you are denying your wife the joy of intimacy. Wouldn't it be better to give her back her sexual self-confidence and her desire?

Sexless marriage and a wife who constantly rejects is such a common thing, and there are plenty of people who pull themselves out of it. It's not about sex, it's about the dynamics of your relationship. I have come a long way since the bad old days where we made love once in a year at one stage. Now we're both happy with our (active) sex life again.

Ironically I recently found this which mirrors a lot of my experience in bringing our sex-life back from the dead. He has had a lot of similar experiences, but he makes it into a much clearer plan. www rekindle-her-desire dot com

Don't give in! Do something about it!

I dunno, Fool4Waiting. We all make compromises throughout our lives, and we mustn't be too sad about the things we give up, or we won't appreciate what we gain. A surprising number of guys take measures to reduce their sex drives, and they often speak of feeling 'liberated' from frustration. That's how I try to look at it anyway. I'd love to have a really good sex life, and one day in the future I might have one again, but for the time being I'm dealing with 'the way things are' as best as I can. I love my wife and I don't want to cheat. So...

I'm beginning to think the pharma companies were on to the problem of the SM long ago and many of the psychotropic drugs developed had an eye on the lessening effect on the sex drive that many have.

This is all very sad. That's my take. That is all.

I am one of those married men who has resorted to chemical castration in order to balance a sex drive mis-match. My wife has breast cancer and the hormone, chemo and steroid treatments have lowered her sex drive and ruined her sexual ability. These days her vagina is so fragile that penetration is uncomfortable to start with then gets sore and painful. I was always a high sex drive guy, which suited my wife ok in the early days, but I was going up the wall with frustration until I found ways to lower my sex drive. My doctor knows I occasionally use cyproterone acetate for a couple of weeks to calm my sex drive, and although she'd me not to, she understands why I do it. My wife would also prefer me not to have to, but she's pleased that I do it. I don't take the drug all the time - that doesn't seem necessary. I take a very small dose (about 3mg daily) for a week or so, and my sex drive falls away. I don't become totally impotent, but I stop thinking about sex so much. There are side effects - hot flushes, lack of energy and focus - which is why I don't try to take it full time. It takes many weeks for my sex drive to recover. This is not a perfect solution to the problem in our marriage, but it works for us, and we can't think of a better way. My carer support counsellor refers to my chemical castration as a 'sticking plaster' for my marriage. That's about right.

Gosh, I've been with this Sexless Marriage so long. Looks like all my stories I didn't mention the use of Spirolactane for 4 years and now much better Androcur. I really don't give a crap about sex. I am 22 year diabetic. I have major ED last couple of years and nerve damage (peripheral neuropathy); the surgeons just finished both legs to help the pain in both feet and my balance so I can continue walking.<br />
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On occasion, and I wrote in the recent past. It does bother me that she is sexless. She had a full hysterectomy at 38 yo and HRT doesn't work for her, they have tried them all.<br />
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So we are both nonfunctional, She has no desire, I sometimes get the strong desire, but can't do it. That's why Androcur helps me so much.

If HRT didnt work, it wasnt done correctly. 90+% of HRT is incorrectly prescribed by OB/GYN doctors for Hysterectomy Patients in the United States.. and that is so SAD, that its pathetic.

Dear Gadzoocs, i thought that i was the only one who will take such descision in the whole planet, even when i posted on community such a question to monitor the others opinion they thought that I'm a Troll and trying to make a discussion from a nonsence story.In fact, i have a wonderfull daughter of almost two years old, and i won't go for divorce or affair neither i like to spend the rest of my life over stressed. Knowing as well that i am a muslim living in Middle east where Society and Religion support any wife disgracing decision i could take, But i prefer to live in my family, raise my kid and enjoy life as a good father and loving husband.Now i found "Androcur" down here in Lebanon it's not that expensive, cheap actually but it is 10mg. I wanna ask your advice being experienced with this grug, how much mg i should take per day as a starter?

gadzoocs,Don't take this the wrong way but please let me be straight here, this woman you call your wife, stopped caring for you a long time ago my friend. Take the meds, its your choice, but why not divorce her anyway and live alone. You are probably a meal ticket anyway.You don't need her.The Love comes from one side only as far as I can read. Allow me to be forward here, but I just can't see that she cares for you at all. In fact she doesn't !<br />
What next ? If she hates the sound of your voice then you cut out your vocal chords? <br />
Wake up man ! You have your life still ahead of you here . Get rid of the tumor(wife) and send wifey back home to MOMY.

Apparently you don't recall what happens to a male that loses his androgens. The eunuchs or castrati as they were called in some places gained massive amounts of body fat, lost muscle mass, grew breasts, became mentally sluggish, and frequently died at a very young age from loss of male sex hormones. You are playing with your body chemistry which is designed to keep you alive and functioning at peak performance. Doing this without medical supervision is really asking for trouble and buying drugs from overseas is a joke you never know what's in that stuff. Thee are millions of counterfeit pharmaceuticals being sold through the internet these days you could very well be taking birth control pills and not even know it. What you are doing may bring you temporary peace but it may kill you in the long run. What I don't see is why you are the one doing all this crazy **** and your wife does nothing but watch you twist in the wind. You need to take a hard look at what the truth is.

Hi<br />
<br />
I'm in a very similar place as the OP.<br />
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I am going to speak to my doctor this week.<br />
<br />
How are things going? Any updates?

You my friend are sad. You have no backbone you would rather cave in to a selfish women than to get out of a useless relationship. any women who would drive you to this is not worth being with. You have probably ruined your body and could never be intamate with someon else if you wanted. If you think this is love you are sadly mistaken and you are living proof some people will do anything to stay in crap.<br />
I will tell a women to go **** off before i would become a wimp and give up my sexuality nobody is worth that.

Best post I have read and I agree with samplerofife..

Maiming yourself is sick, and marital conditions that would support such self-maiming should be ENDED rather than extended through self-maiming. I would tell you to grow a pair but I'm not sure if you removed them chemically or never had them.

Male chastity devices are also an option. Have your wife lock you up and keep the key. The thrill of submitting to her can be more intense than sex and will last as long as she keeps you locked in. Many couples start out going for a couple of days and over time work their way up to weeks or even months at a time. Your passion and desire will grow and grow beyond what you thought possible. She, in turn, is free to tease you and is under no pressure to have more sex than she wants to.

To any man who is in a marriage where the wife doesn't want sex ask yourself these questions: could my wife be over tired? Would she like to go out on a date sometimes? Do I let her know that I love her often and not just in words but by my deeds and the way I treat her? Do I say things that put her down or make her ashamed of her body and feel like an unsexy person? Or do I tell her things that let her know that I ffind her desirable and think she's a sexy woman? How is the balance of giving and recieving in your marriage? If she is constantly doing more of the giving then you just may NOT be getting in the bedroom. One more thing--are you reallylistening to her needs sexually?

jon-<br />
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The answer is "maybe". However, you may be stuck with the breasts.

I have a question. Should things change in the relationship such as her regaining her interest or she predeceases me and I find someone else that has a libido as high as mine was before the treatment, will stopping the drug reverse the lack of libido on my part and I can regain my interest?

Very interesting. I have at times felt I needed to reduce my own libido to match my husband's.

Bazz, <br />
You must be shocked. You forgot your signature.

Well, I am a firm believer in exploring all sorts of options - and like to believe I am a lateral thinker, but I truly never thought of this option.<br />
Just goes to show, one can always learn something new.

I think there was a SNL skit where they were advertising this drug. It was called Balz-Off, the skit was pretty funny, but you have the real deal.<br />
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I will caution you however, low T-levels are associated with some negative health issues, specifically osteoporosis and vascular disease.<br />
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I am a libertarian, I think if this is what you want it is your choice to make! <br />
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I do think you should make it clear to your wife in no uncertain terms what you are doing and not hide it from her, yes you are chemically castrating yourself in order to tolerate the relationship. Would she take a medically approved dose of testosterone to increase her libido? This is actually available in the US unlike your choice.<br />
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I wish you the best, I am glad you are happy.

brother! I got to this web site because I have notice a reducction of my libido and I though , What if my wife or other family member is trying to chemically castrate me? you know mixing it on the tomato sauce? what possibility is there for this? Revelde-20

redczar, was this message to me or to Gadzoocs or whom?<br />
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I am deprived of sex, against my will; and I sure as HELL suffered as a result. And yes I'm medicating myself, because no doctor here will prescribe Androcur. And yes, I have found that the resulting libido reduction has given me the ability to do without sex and not be miserable. Those doctors don't know everything. Thank God for Low Libido!<br />
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I have not taken on female characteristics. I still wear men's clothes, use the men's washrooms, and am perfectly content to let it stay that way. My physical appearance hasn't changed.<br />
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There is only one thing that makes me different from the others on this forum: I never entered into any marriage contract. I was smart enough to know that marriage does not guarantee sex. The woman still has the right to say no.

The latest is that Androcur is now difficult to get in Mexico.<br />
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The person I paid to go over there and get it for me now finds that the pharmacies are not stocking it anymore. He says that that happened because it's just not in demand.<br />
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Is there any sure source? where I can place an order and really GET what I ordered? I don't care about contaminants anymore. I just need a TRACKING NUMBER when I order.<br />
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I'm willing to pay up to a thousand dollars a box of thirty tablets.