My Husband Hurts Me Emotionally

Last night my husband was gone to pick up our oldest son and while he was gone I made him some food (just snack food cause it was late) and put a romantic movie in and got a shower and sprayed his favorite perfume on. Hoping that the night would end good. He ate, watched the movie and then without a kiss he went onto bed.

Today, I asked my husband why we are not intimate. He told me that he has told me the reasons. I said oh ya that is right because I am a B***H and because I am crazy and if you had the money you would admit me into a psych hosptial. So that is when I told him that I was going to be moving into another bedroom because I cannot stand laying next to a man that does not want to touch me. He said Ok. How he said Ok was like no big deal to him that I was going to be sleeping elsewhere besides next to him. After that I just walked into the other room to cry. I don't want to ever let him see me cry because then he will see that I am weaker then he thinks.
mommyof3n2007 mommyof3n2007
31-35, F
20 Responses Sep 10, 2010

I know how you feel, my husband had killed everything in me, i get no sex, no affection, no love, just insults and anger and blaming me for things i have no control over. I'm telling you from experience it's no way to live, life is too short to be miserable and sad all the time, unfortunately my situation makes it very hard for me to leave at the moment I have no job I had to leave school I have 3 kids 1 of them has special needs. I would never wish the pain that I feel everyday on anybody not even my worst enemy if I had one. I'm telling you from experience he is either cheating or for some reason he resents you, I would file for divorce and be done with it. I know this is probably not the response you wanted but I'm a psych major and I'm telling you there's no other option. when a man descides he doesn't love you or want you anymore there's nothing you can do no matter how much therapy no matter how many books it doesn't matter just cut him loose. Everyone deserves love and happiness. what he's doing to you is emotional abuse and so is withholding sex.

I say don't leave him. He might be in a dark place right now. What you need to do is sit him down and talk. Talk about what you feel and what is wrong and that you need to do something about it and if nothing happens then file for a divorce.

As for a comment, do you know that sometimes i suspect that he may thinks that he deserve much a better woman than you after having you. He still cares for you and want to keep you but he does not like to give more. It is like a man keeping a broken machine for spare but never care to service it. <br />
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A friend of mine told me, in a similar situation, she decided to leave, told him she would leave, but of course he won't believe it, until one day she met a really hot guy, hooked up & fell in love. <br />
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Suddenly he became jealous, apologized to her, forced her to break up with the new guy, and promised to change. He went online to have xxx education on his own, as she found from his computer, then suddenly become so intimate. <br />
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After all he was her husband so she allowed his xxx advances. But she told me she is hurt emotionally each time they make out. She is not sure if it is worth it for her to give in to him now just so they can save their marriage. But it hurts so much she said. <br />
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Does it take an extramarriage encounter before a cold spouse wakes up? Or this is all just another manipulation? It is just not fair for her. When she wanted him, he did not care, then when she wanted another man, he takes her body just because they are married and have children:(

Lady, if you were mine, I would show you where you should be... On a pedestal for me to worship :-) Your husband is a fool... You deserve MUCH better, kids or not... Boot his butt out in the street!!! I would welcome you with open arms.

Im sorry for what you are going through. I wish there was another soloution besides packing your bags and letting karma bite him in the ***. He is a jerk and has no thought of your feelings whatsoever. You do NOT deserve that.

It would be wonderful, if my wife ever did that for me.

sorry to hear about that. but this sounds like a serious problem, if he is acting like this there could be something wrong.

hey its really bad one yar... dont fed up with these guys... engage urself with ur most likely moment... maximum spend with childrens yar... they will make realise the real love also innocent way of ex<x>pressions... take care...

Yeah, that sucks. Let's take today to think about something else. Our own problems will still be there tomorrow. Other people don't have their family around to complain about anymore. I appreciate the country we live in regardless of my marital situation. What we go through everyday is nothing compared to the families that lost everything 9 years ago. Let's get together tomorrow to complain about life. Today our troops and others need our thoughts and prayers.

I agree with Bazzar, make your plans and take the steps over time. Do not let H know of your plans or others that might tell him know of your plans. It is when he is comfortable thinking you are too weak / afraid to move on that you can make your plans unnoticed. Be careful, take care, and remind yourself everyday that your children need a strong mom and a role model. Reach our here for support, we'll be here. Best to you! - Y

Seems like this is done, so I won't insult you intelligence by suggesting anything remedial. But I'll have a crack at some tactics.<br />
You don't, at this point 'want him to see you cry' lest he 'see's you are weaker than he thinks'. <br />
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Could be a good tactic to cultivate him "thinking" just that - that you are weak, and powerless under his manipulative spell. Encourage him to think just that. Meantime, go about your exit strategy covertly. If he twigs you are going to go he will likely pull out all stops in his bag of tricks to try and head that off. If he is unaware what you are doing you will have a clearer run at doing what is going to be best for YOU.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I heard this before. leaving quick and clean is much safer than leaving so many revealing trails. Agree.

M<br />
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It was like that for me, we slept in seperate rooms for our 7yr marriage, I am now leaving , filing for divorce and starting my new life!! That past life of mine is unacceptable!!!<br />
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hang in there my dear!!<br />
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What a jerk! I would give anything for this type of treat from my wife! I hope something changes for you soon, you deserve better treatment than this.

Thank you everyone for your kind words!!! People like you are making me strong enough to leave!!!

I am sorry he treats you that way. I know it is painful. When i question my husband he usually turns it around on me too. He says i am just obsessed about sex and i need to get help for it. He is wrong and your husband is wrong. Stay strong! ~hug~

I completely understand how you fell. I have not been intimate with my husban in 3 years nor do I want to since I no longer love him. Trying to address my feelings to him has always been impossible. Talking to him is like talking to a wall. When I ask if he still loves me he just has a blank stare and does not even look at me as I'm talking. it was actually him that decided to move out of our bedroom and into the guest room.<br />
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I realize that this is not a marrige actually I don't even consider him a friend and the only thing we have in common is our 2 year old son. I don't plan on staying in this relationship much longer. I'm only 37 year old and I want someone to love me and to listen to my problems.<br />
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Good luck to you

Hope you act quick to get the life that you want.

I know how you feel. I have been in a separate bedroom for 12 years and to some extent it is liberating. It is difficult when this happens. Let me know if you want to talk.

hii really sorry to hear that. that aint nicee.. i would want to be in other room to.. if u want to talk im here

So sorry to hear that. My wife won't even talk to me about our "issues". Says that there is nothign wrong with our relationship yet we haven't been intimate for nearly 12 months. I wish we had another room for me to move into. It is frustrating for sure, I feel for you. Sucks that such a beautiful woman like yourself has to deal with something like this. I am so sorry.

So find some that WILL give you the intimacy you desire! Bill in Va.