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Great Sex Life Vanished After Dog Was Put to Sleep

My husband put his beloved dog down and went into a full blown depression. He has a history of dysthymia and was taking wellbrutrin and tolerated it well with no sexual side effects.  Before the dog died we had occasional arguments, some became heated, most involved his parents and the length of time they would "camp out" at our small home.

Still, our life was good. This is a second marriage for both of us and I have two daughters. he was an excellent step-dad, I recognize that is a very tough role. My children really adored him as their own Father lives a good distance from us and they see him only once/twice a month.

His personality shifted entirely within the month after the dog was put down. he stopped taking his meds and totally withdrew from all of us. However he was extremely angry at me. I was to blame for everything. He does not like his job, he is struggling with financial issues. I would help, however he told me "he can't commit to the marriage"
We sought out counseling and we were asked to discontinue until He could make a commitment to stay or go. He then said he wanted to separate. That was a Month ago. Nothing has happened. In fact he has made some efforts to repair.
 Last week, I asked if we could sleep together again ( separate rooms, it has been over 3 months!!!!) He said he wasn't ready, it didn't feel right.

I was pretty shattered. He is on his computer a lot, he has a new myspace, set to private.

I know it doesn't sound hopeful. When I ask him, is there someone else? he absolutely denies it and says I know everything. I should say his 1st marriage was fraught with infidelity and he claims to have learned from that.

Anyone have any insight. I do not want to be divorced again.


amazingwife amazingwife 46-50, F 14 Responses Dec 29, 2007

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Dear amazingwife. It apparently has been awhile since you visited this site. I am new here and disappointed since I feel most of the participants are in teh sex trade or not serious. Your posting has the feel of someone who stopped by, found the site wanting, and movied on which is what I am considering. Still, your comments piqued my interest. Tell me more if you have the inclination to share.

You should read men are from mars and women are from venus...

Just cause you can not see how it’s wrong just cause u like the feeling,<br />
Does not make something right most of us die before we relies this others take lifetime of figuring it out and really all we need to do even if we pretty sure its ok or right never assume you are right always keep true open mind that don’t mean go do everything under the sun that not true point or a open mind its knowing we don’t know everything and to keep our ears and eyes open no matter how much we want to say I like it so ill be blind to everything that comes knocking saying maybe u should not do this. My aim is (missynicefeeling) if u likes to email me anyone

hey, first time i post on this website.. and wanted to say that i relate very closely to the guy.. i take meds as well.. probably very different than his or not whatever.. but he is clearly trying to avoid reality and that became a habbit.. reality gave him too much pain so now he shelters in the planetary alignment of souls and stars and blablabla.. its a pitty to see somebody escape to those places.. i used computer games as an escape for a long time.. its hard to admit, hard to see "i can control it whenever i can" but when you quit cold turkey.. you realize you have no idea what to do with your time anymore.. anyhow.. yeah.. the most healthy decision you can make right now is take care of yourself.. you cant depend on him anymore on any aspect.. and i really dont think he is cheating on you or did he ever.. he just quit his meds.. thats the single worst thing somebody could do if they have a condition.. yes, he needs counseling but most importantly he needs to accept guidance from somebody who knows what they are talking about.<br />
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Take care of yourself, take care of your daughters, maintain family values: honesty, loyalty, respect, and dont think of him anymore as a partner.. the minute he went into the other room.. he fled from the joy of being one

I'd, if it seems like he's trying again, look into another marriage counselor. Granted, I've not been married so I don't know that drill, but I can't imagine a counselor giving an ultimatum like that, which doesn't make business sense for them to do, either.<br />
<br />
If he'll agree, I might interview a bunch of counselors and look into that, also. <br />
<br />
I also agree with KITTY70, and think that taking care of yourself, and getting out to pay attention to other things, leaving him to wonder, may have an effect on him also. <br />
<br />
... thinking about you. I hope you're doing well today.

I do hate to say this...but in my opinon ...he's cheating<br />
<br />
sorry......

I think I will have to find another group as it appears I am about to be divorced. He wants a divorce, said there is not space for him to be him....<br />
Thank you all. Not feeling very amazing at the moment.

I was thinking also, crisis. Midlife crisis? Most definitely amazing wife, you better make sure your parachute is working and you have a plan for you and the girls. He may return to his usual self, or this could be his way of bailing out of the marriage plane in flight. Sad, but most definitely he seems to be flying solo now, or he is cheating again. That's a hard habit to quit, if he's done it before. Sadly, I know that from my own experience. You could talk maybe with that older woman, if you want, but I don't know if that will help. He may just become more distant. Sounds like she is influencing him now. Yikes!!

It is completely foreign to me, but so is he lately. He is pretty obsessed with planet transits etc.. He goes to a group once a month and is mentored in this by an older woman who, according to him says "it is so great to see you returning to your self"<br />
Anyway, not sure what I am looking for here, just feels good to know there are other soles out there. I live in a small town and everyone knows everything.

He is making a huge life decision about your marriage based on an astrological chart?<br />
<br />
hmmm.........

Hello, he brought home another dog about six weeks after he put his dog down. The dog is an exact replica of the 1st dog, except not of course in personality. He sleeps with the dog, it is by his side every waking moment(and sleeping moment!) Today he said he wanted a divorce, then left to go snowboarding overnight. On his way to the mountain he called to tell me he had his astrological chart interpreted and we should just hold of on any big decisions for a while and that things between us would probably start to mend since the planets are all coming around to be aligned properly.<br />
So, this is my life right now. Still sleeping by myself and really sick of it.<br />
I have a big business trip coming up for almost a week and am looking forward to working and not having the stress of home. I suppose that sounds a bit backward from most people.<br />
I am going to sit tight, take care of the kids and myself and see what develops. I recognize I need to have a plan and am creating one slowly.

if you choose to you can get a keylogger to discover his password. a depressed person who does not take their meds probably will not get better. you might consider another dog. pets do help depressed people. i wish i could offer more. good luck

Thank you for your comments. My !st time on an online forum. Please excuse any cyber faux pas.

Well, Amazing wife! Unfortunately, your husband has created quite a hard shell he has retreated into...this does seem very stressful on you. MySpace?!! how old is he?? He may just be escaping reality with the computer so he does not have to deal with his pressures of life...<br />
My advice (and I have a stressed out husband, too!) is so back off! Relax..take care of YOU at this time and your lovely girls, you can not replace valuable time with them! Take them out, exercise, nurture your soul! I guarantee once he sees you taking care of yourself and not catering to him...make HIM wonder!!!<br />
If he does not want a family, the pressures, let him go! We have to be so careful what our children see...<br />
Feel free to message me, we are here for you, this is a great site with a lot of wisdom and experience.