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Frustrated

I am new to this site. my husband and I have been together for 3 years only married for 10 months, we had a great sex life before we were married (he is 42 and i am 40) if we have sex once every couple months it is a lot, I love him very much and want to be intimate with him. its as if he has no desire i try to talk to him about it and he says he feels like things don't want to work right. I am at home by myself as he is an over the road truck driver so  I only get to see him maybe every 2 weeks,  I am not looking for him to preform every night when he is home but once in a while is better than none  I don't think or feel that  he is cheating on me  he is a sweetheart and has a heart of gold and would never do anything to hurt me. this no intimacy thing is definitely got me frustrated .
truckerswife truckerswife 41-45, F 8 Responses Dec 31, 2007

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I tried to message you privately, and then write on your white board, but your privacy settings won't allow me to do that. So, here goes in public....My husband had pretty much lost his libido and when he got an erection he couldn't keep it or get it hard enough for me to have any satisfaction. I think he would have been content to just stop having sex, but that wasn't part of my plans. To get him to take me seriously, I told him I was thinking of having an affair. Then he listened and went to the doctor as I asked him to do. He now takes cialis daily, which helps with libido and the erections. I also started writing fantasies for him and would put them in his dresser drawer to find. Maybe after your husband gets some cialis, you could start working on him mentally by texting him sexy pictures of yourself, or whatever else you can think might up his libido. <br />
In the 3 to 4 years since then, we've been to a nude beach, had sex in public, and acted on one of his long standing fantasies. There is hope...... and I hope things turn out well for you.

I imagine that you have worked this out by now, but if you haven't feel free to message me. My husband was like this a while back and we fixed the problem. I'll share details with you but would rather do it in private.

I hope you still use this site. I am interested to find out how you fixed this problem! I am having the same problem as the woman above. My husband like hers is an over the road driver he is 42 and i am 33. Please any idea are greatly appreciated.

lucy i wish you the best in your ventures to work on your issues and hope they work for you. we do definitly talk and do have open discussions about this, but i feel like when i am telling him about my feeling on this i am making him feel like less of a man which i do not want to hurt him in any way or do i want him to feel bad i just want my whole husband back

thanks lonesome he has been a driver for 12 years and for the first 10 months of our relationship i was on the road in the truck with him so i can really understand the stress of the job he is very compassionate lots of hugs and kisses just no intimacy

Hi,<br />
<br />
I don't have a lot of advice. I (personally) have issues with having sex with my husband. He and I discuss it and I am working with a therapist. I was abused as a child and I don't recall sexual abuse but the symptoms I have seem to indicate there has been some I have blocked out. We are treading very, very lightly with this issue of mine (as I have many) because therapist says it can be a very painful road.<br />
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With that said. I have a close friend who was married for 8 or 9 years and had a sex-less marriage. This was the husband's decision and there were no conversations about it. She still doesn't know why. They have since divorced.<br />
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Anyway, could be so many different reasons but my point is that you NEED to have open dialogue with your partner and KNOW that he/she is willing to make an effort to work on the issue. I HATE that I cannot have sex with my husband and hope it will change someday. sooner the better!<br />
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Best of luck to you!<br />
LL

Ahhhh! Where to start. My dear i am an over the road driver myself and my marriage just broke up actually the divorce is still in progress. I have a question for you how long has he been a truckdriver. Is he fairly new to it because if so i can tell you that it is a very stressful career and it is not for everyone. You are constantly worried about time safety and getting enough miles to pay the bills. That was my problem though i did not lose interest in sex for me it was the other way around my wife lost interest in me not in sex just me. Anyway stress can create performance problems have you tried erotic massage that may make him relax a little and be able to perform better and i don't know how you feel about it but most men get really turned on by watching the lady in their life perform oral sex on him (ok i admit it is kind of a power trip for some of us) but a nice slow ******* used to do the trick for me every time. If that doesn't work then you need to start checking into medical reasons or i hate to say it but the possibility he is cheating on you there are a lot of temptations out there on the road along with the lot lizards (truckstop hookers in case you don't know the lingo). I hope everything works out for you wouldn't want anyone to go through what i just went through by finding photos of the spouse having sex with someone else after i had accepted for the last 10 years that sex was painful for my wife and she couldn't do it finding those pics on thanksgiving was quite traumatic for me i even tried to commit suicide twice afterwards and spent some time in a mental hospital. If you need to talk drop me a letter anytime although like i said i am a driver and i don't have a laptop yet so it may take me awhile to get back to you but i will answer eventually will be home till at least jan 2.

I don't think there is any erectile dysfunction, that would defintly make it a lot easier to understand and deal with. I think he just doesn't have any interest or desire. i am hoping that maybe someone else has some ideas on how to deal with something like this. I am dealing with the issue how can there be love with no sex. i think love and sex go hand in hand

Does he have any physical issues - erectile dysfunction, or anything like that?<br />
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You said you don't think he's cheating - what *do* you think it is?<br />
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Sounds like he definitely loves you and cares about you!