As my husband and I sat in out therapist's office this afternoon, I had a revelation. We have been struggling to repair our crumbling marriage for a month now. Each time, we sit side by side in a tiny cramped office spilling our guts to a total stranger. I really thought that my marriage suffered because we were a sexless couple. Now I am seeing things quite differently. Our therapist has stressed to us many times that we became a sexless couple for many reasons. Not the reasons I thought we did. It had nothing to do with attraction or sexual needs. It had everything to do with communication. We just stopped talking. We failed to let each other know how we felt. I assumed he knew how I felt and just didn't care. He assumed that since I was no longer complaining, everything was OK. I felt rejected, alone and unwanted. He felt that the affection he was giving me was enough. We stopped listening to one another. Piece by piece we built a wall between us. When I could no longer see him above the wall, I gave up. I know we all blame our sexless spouses for our misery. Which is understandable. They make us question our marriages, fidelity, and own happiness. But...what if we have a large part in the whole equation? What if the little things we do, or better yet DON'T DO, adds another brick in that wall. My husband feels responsible for his part in our situation right now. I am beginning to see more and more how much a part of it is mine. I regret that we did not seek help from a therapist sooner. When those first feelings of rejection surfaced. Before we became roommates, before the sleepless nights when I cried myself to sleep, before the affair. Maybe we were too stubborn to admit we were in trouble. Maybe more of us sexless couples need to recognize the symptoms before we have a full blown epidemic.