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Dreams And Mementoes Rotting In Some Landfill Somewhere

I am a sentimental saver. I have saved all of our cards from our wedding showers, from our wedding. I saved every greeting card I have ever received from my husband. These are cards from birthdays, Christmas, valentines etc. I have kept every letter and card he ever sent while he served in the Navy for 2 years. This is a collection of stuff, going back to the day we met, Nov 26, 1964. Bottom line, I had accumulated a small mountain of stuff. Boxes and boxes of pain

Whenever I would encounter these boxes, I would just get really sad and tear up. So, the other day as I was yet again rearranging these boxes of hurt, I said enough is enough All of this stuff needs to go.

The problem with keeping these mementoes is, it really is a documentation of all that should have been and never was. All of the "should haves", and "could haves", and all of the "would haves",( if given the chance of course) and my favorite, all of the "if onlys". All of these cards and letters are really just a very sad reminder of my disappointment in my married life.

Unfortunately, as if that is not enough, there is yet another problem with my collection. If someone came across this collection, they would get the wrong information. They could assume that the collection of letters and cards would be a lovely remainder of a long and loving life; whereas the actual reality being just so very different. Our life was the exact opposite, a long and unloving one.

Consequently, I decided to pitch the whole lot. It is out of here. All that stuff is in some land fill somewhere slowly rotting away. Too bad the husband isn't out there with it, but one thing at a time.


neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 19 Responses Nov 4, 2010

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Went back yet again to reread Aces comment ( it's making me dizzy this back and forth stuff) And I guess his message is "spouses don't dump each other". I may not have been dumped officially, but technically I sure have been. dumped. So, don't know. <br />
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I guess Aces feels i should pretend everything is just peachy. Been there and done that and it isn't worth it. At least that is my interpretaion of what he was trying to say.

I know, you have to think before you pitch stuff. <br />
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But these were cards and letters that I read and reread many times, and all they did was dip me into depair. I thought of these boxes and boxes of stuff were nothing but an anchor burying me in the sand. The sentiments written on them were not followed through, and so were false promises. There is no purpose served by hanging on to them. <br />
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But I am glad for you, that you found a treasure of love, and it helped you do deal with a sad loss, the loss of your baby. I have never had children, was never pregnant, so i have no real sense of what that is like. But i know that it had to have been a deep sadness and hurt. The letter you found helped to heal that, then you were blessed. <br />
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As for Aces, Because of your comment, I went back and reread the message. To be honest it is not well written and so it is not really clear as to what point he was trying to get across. I am not sure what he was really trying to say, I was just trying to protect his right to comment..

Neuilly<br />
Dont worry about ace<br />
I thot it quite rude, not sure if you picked up on his comment or not<br />
However here's the deal with me. I had kept cards , etc and a couple years ago i decided to declutter. I pictched two humongous boxes or letters cards etc ..but something just made me STOP in my tracks...to reconsider.<br />
At first I only shook my head , tryin to rid myself of the thots, after all, i was feeling so much better getting years of clutter out of my house and mind and life....<br />
But after pitching picture fr<x>ames and old broken sentiments (IE trinkets, and dust collectors) , and feeling quite accomplished and relieved, the feeling STILL wouldnt leave<br />
So i removed the biggest box from the trash<br />
The first envelope i opened....which was STILL SEALED held within a loving note/apology from my ex and a poem about our baby we lost <br />
I had held resentment in my heart for 10 years about this fact and I was SO GLAD i had opened that envelope...somehow overlooking it all those years<br />
The 4th envelope i opened had been opened but somehow i had forgotten all about it. It contained a ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR bill......from my ex which simply stated " you unselfishly NEVER get yourself anything. This isnt a special occasion, just a "DO SOMETHING FOR YOU" gift since im not so good at picking. Please do, love you" <br />
WOW!! I needed that 100.00 at that very moment! The few cards after , some contained 10,20 and even 50.00 but i have learned to always LOOK before you LEAP.<br />
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:)

rocket scienc: Mostly blowes up in your face. Thats been my experience.<br />
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Not so sure about the other. I would have to rely on imagination.

Rocket science: Big tube. Explosive powder. Blue touch paper. Flame... BANG! It goes off like a rocket, or it blows up in your face.<br />
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Sexual science: Big tube (hopefully). Explosive package. Pink touch paper. Hot stuff... HNNNGGG!!!! It goes off in your face. or shoots off like a rocket.<br />
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Or is that just my imagination?

Anniversary cards were the worst.. Thanks for a wonderful year of nothing, yet again.<br />
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I don't know abiut all of this, because I have to question myself about why i kept this stuff. i accept my reasoning for 30 years or so, because I loved him and wanted him to love me . <br />
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But it is 43 years, I just kept collecting and hanging on to this stuff . i am beginning to think it was some sort of documentation or proof to me, myself .It was a sort of PROOF,"see, he really does love me" Look at all the cards and stuff. Oh well, it is all very sad.

Funny cards worked for me. Also generic "Hope You Have A Reasonable Time And At Least Don't Get Killed This Christmas. Wishes Of The Best Kind, Your Significant Other. (((Friendly Gesture)))."<br />
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Valentines Day sucked big time.

Well, now that you mention it, I guess that is what i should have sent him , was a blank card.. ? <br />
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I have sent cards saying that i loved him. Which was very true for a long time, because i was very much in love with him. But the last few years, I was so tired if it all. Now getting a card was a delima.Ok, do we get a card or not? What kind of card? romantic, funny, blank. ?<br />
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What is stupid about all of thi is: I think that it would be far easier to train to be a rocket scientist than to just have and keep a normal loving relationship. You would assume people would want and like being loved. That love would make their day. But aparently that is not true. There are a lot of people afraid of love.

I ended being the one who moved out, and so there is very little where I live that reminds me of the relationship. But I know what you mean about the signs if a failed relationship. My ex said she always wanted to take dance lessons, but when I actually signed us, she bailed. I remember that because I just found the certificate...oh well.

The last few years with my ex- was an extremely difficult time to find an appropriate card for 'significant moments'. In the end, I simply "forgot" because it was easier to apologise for that than to pick out something that was a lie. I spent a lot of time looking for cards that captured what I was feeling, but none said "I want to love you, but you reject me at every turn". <br />
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I received cards that promised eternal love and "hugs and kisses xxxxx". Why didn't I ever get them, then? I couldn't "throw away" memories, but I could pitch the cards that said 'I Love You' when what she really meant was 'I Love What You Give To Me'. Empty promises and shallow gestures. <br />
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I don't think the cards she gave me were a complete lie. They were just phrased wrongly.<br />
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"Thinking of you, but not in THAT way".<br />
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"You will always be in my mind, at least until Coronation Street starts on telly"<br />
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"I want you darling; the bedroom needs painting"<br />
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I missed my vocation. I should be employed by Hallmark writing card sentiments.

Well, but it was a sad comment from aces4battle and deserved a respectful answer.<br />
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I really have to take time to breathe now and again.<br />
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Besides, the people here are from lots of different places and life styles and income levels and all should be treated with respect and honesty. That is how I want to be treated

Oh, I forgot one other thing. i don't havve to worry about keeping my house cleaning a secret because my husband never knew that i kept all of that stuff.<br />
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The other part of the pitching of this stuff. Because my husband and I are not on the same page concerning our relationship, actually . we are in two different books. that is how out of sinc we are. It would be very emotionally devastating for my husband if he found these cards and letters after i had gone. There is no point in doing that to someone.

First of all I do apologise to aces 4battle, i was sarcastic and shouldnt have been. Sorry. i am in a bit of an emotional turmoil, but i need to pause and think.<br />
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As for any photos, i am keeping those. Photos don't bother me. they are a second in time. However, The letters and cards require an effort to find or write. It is an honesty issue. If you don't mean it, then don't send it or write it or promise it.If you are going o say "love you forever" " You mean the world to me etc" or what ever your writing mean what you say and say what you mean.My cards and letters are lies.

I think it's quite a cathartic thing to do - yes, you'll come across memories, but they are just that aren't they? Keep looking forward, and ditch the stuff - it'll make way for new things in your life! (My instinct is to keep it under your hat too by the way - they don't need to know they'll be next, do they?) xx

We recently organized our office a bit and came across a container of all the letters, cards and e-mails I had sent him when he was in the Navy. He got sentimental and I just got so sad for all the love I poured into him that wasn't returned and like you said, it represented all of the could haves/should haves and if onlys. If he hadn't been there, I would have tossed them.

No thank you Neuilly, you deserve him

The husband is still here, Why? Do you want him give me the address, I'll make a label and call UPS.

You did not say where your husband is now, if not dead. However, I have been married for 38 years and I ditch old stuff all the time. I have lots of memories of the moment, so why do I need cards and stuff. Get this, my wife gave me a trash can when we were first married, with out wedding invitation clued on the side. She said, if ever you don't like something or me just dump it. guess what, I still have the trash can, and her. All other stuff I dump. I am saying this because I am a man and can tell you what a man does.

I know how you feel. I have all sorts of sentimental greeting cards from my H. I have saved them too and they are exactly as you say...."a sad reminder...". My H wouldn't even write an actual love letter from his own heart though. Our first Valentine's day together (already married by then) I told him all I wanted was a love letter and said he would not ever put those things in writing....like it could be used against him someday. So instead I have 19 years worth of cards full of flowery, loving words that he may have never even meant. Sometimes I wonder if he ever even read them.<br />
I'm almost to the throwing away stage too. Just too many hurtful reminders.