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When You Feel That God Has Abandoned You, Then What?

Because my life's problems began as a small child my outlook on life is perhaps a bit different than some people. Because my life as an adult is not much better, I am to the point that I am pretty pissed off at God. Not to be overly dramatic, but considering my circumstances. It probably would have been better to not have been born.

Having said that though, I think considering all the handicaps that have been in my life, I have handled them fairly well. When you are in an abusive situation as a child, your defensive mechanisms are just different. Consequently, I blame a lot of where I am on my childhood.

Having said all of that, what my story is about, is that I want to know from those who feel they have been overly hurt, how they maintained their relationship with God. Do you even have a relationship with God?

For those who are going to respond about Karma:. Let me explain something about Karma. Karma is where Mother Theresa got into trouble. Her helping to feed the poor and help the sick got people very angry because she was interfering with their fate.

So if you say it is Karma, then when you are sick or hungry, well then I guess it is your fate. Stop, think, and be careful about your response.

I follow a different philosophy. I feel we were given two hands for a reason. One hand to help ourselves and the other to help those in need around us.
I wonder how many hands God has?. And why isn't  He reaching out for me?

neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 46 Responses Nov 4, 2010

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My spiritual life has ebbed and flowed over the years, but I have never stopped believing in God. I remember being so mad at God over my broken engagement (to a christian girl) in college (I blamed Him for it but I now know it was my fault) that I stopped going to church and ended up marrying a non-believer because I was so terrified of being alone. (my first mistake) I did not go to church at all during my first marriage, but when my first marriage was over, I came back to God because of the healing He provided my heart. My second marriage, to a believer, started out great, but very soon became sexless. In the fights that ensued, we said many hurtful things to each other, and she actually called me "evil" because I looked at **** on my computer. I told her I was looking at **** because i was not getting my sexual needs met with her--that only made things worse. I began to think my sexless marriage was God's punishment of me for my promiscuous past ... or worse, that God was laughing at me for having a strong sex drive that I would never be able to satisfy. I realize now this is likely not the case, but my broken heart reacting to a perceived injustice.

When you feel as if God has abandoned you, or is mocking you, the best thing you can do is to seek a community of faith to confide in, who will give you the emotional and spiritual support you need. I am fortunate in that I have found a church home that is not judgmental at all, and very supportive of not only our members, but also the community in which we live. It has been a lifesaver for me ... and I hope you can find a church like this too.

Am going to learn Lot frm you

I love ur write up

First, let me say how sorry I am you did not get to have a happy childhood. I admit I get angry at God sometimes. The angriest I ever was, was over two failed adoptions. You can check out my story under the group I Adopted a Child "Our Long Road". What I always try to remember is we don't always know God's total plan. God never promised we would never suffer. Read Job in the Bible. Look how Jesus suffered. I put a link to a song that has always helped me in hard times. Blessings to you.



http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=plpp&v=Wt5rSD70EXI

I understand your predicament, I want to believe in God but my life has taught me that I just don't know. My life has been 1 not good thing after another and I have considered changing my name to Job, lol! I'm not saying I don't have things to be grateful for cause I do, but grateful to who or what? I know that I have survived the things that have happened but not without scars. It makes me look at things different, it makes me hear things different when people say them, and it makes me react different. What I have done is to do my best to understand myself and why I do the things I do. Forewarned...helps me not be a victim of myself! As far as God is concerned, if he is real does he care and if he cares what does he do about it? I sometimes think God is for people who want an excuse in their life instead of taking responsibility for themselves! But I also find it hard to believe that it is all an accident. Very confusing to say the least!! LOL!

my attitude is..No one person is going to get it right 100% of the time with 100% of the people in 100% of all situations. I know that. And so I allow myself some grace, and I allow others. But, it becomes really hard when your being tollerant and loving to others and it is not reciprical..and so that is when it is time to ...stop...step back and re think..I believe in God, but there are times when you can't help but say..why me..why does this go on and on.?

I am now divorced..I am at least more in control of my life, and not so overwhelmed. I now think that God did help. He directed me here to EP, allowed me to be able to connect with people having the same problems. This allowed me to get a different perspective on me, my life and how i was contributing to the problem.I was sitting waiting.. and waiting...and waiting for something to happen..anything.....well..... sure enough nothing happened, nothing changed,and nothing continued to change.....and so finally I stopped the approach of just waiting, and I did take action..and my life became a life i like to be living.

I think the main question I have directly in regards to God-- and it sounds like one that Neuilly has as well-- is this:

Is God an "interventionist" God? Does He get involved in people's lives directly and change things-- whether in direct response to prayer or in direct response to His own will?

Tied to that is, if the answer to that question is "yes", how much is He an interventionist...how far will He go to intervene and with what criteria?



I know verses from the Bible (many). But in actual real time, life action (and for me, in specific situations in my life), how did this and does this apply and is it true?

well exactly..if He is capable of doing something, and you have presented your case.. and you have presented it well..well then..to me..He should fix the problem..or just move on..but not expect me to keep my loyalty to a non -responsive entity.

I scream a lot...I'm not kidding, either. I tell God exactly what is on my mind-- and sometimes that means screaming at Him.

Some might say that is "unholy". But if He knows everything, He already knows I'm pissed at Him or someone or something else, so why hold it back?



I am at a place right at this moment that is probably the greatest crises I have been in since I was fifteen years old...I'm 50 now. I accepted Christ when I was fifteen and I was about to do myself in. I didn't know it then, but I was in a very abusive family and I was my parents object of both sexual and emotional, verbal, and some physical abuse.



I won't say much about the crises right now, but I do feel I have hit a wall in my relationship with God...the first wall of its type that I've experienced in a long time, and it is crucial because it deals with many things that have been fundamentally a part of my growing and walking with Him.

I figure either it will all cave in and He will rescue me, or it will all cave in and I will cave in with it. Dunno which is gonna happen...but in the mean time, I'm screaming and crying. If He is here, if He does hear, He will do or say something.



--I really like the biology professor's statement. Something for me to think about.



I think, in this present time, I am asking one question in a way I never asked before: Why am I here? (Because I'm not seeing any good answers to that around me).



I don't know if this will help or lead to another point of discussion, but here it is anyway. Forgive me if it is not quite what you were looking for.

i truly do understand where you are coming from..It is very hard to retain a relationship with God, when He doesn't seem to be listening..so i understand. And i know how it feels when you really are not sure what will happen next, and how you will react..Sometimes , you just have no patience or endurance left.

i would agree because when we are in trouble or depressed ou unhappy, or stressed, we function inadequately. what I mean by that is, we are stressed so we are not thinking clearly.We are not following our normal routine, and so we are just getting by. Your going to be tired, anxious, scared and so you will feel lost. Loosing touch with god is also part of this. It isn't necessarily that god is doing anything differently, but that we are behaving differently, We feel cut off or abandoned by god.

I agree that God is omnipresent. That is one of the wonderful qualities of God. I certainly don't mean to put God in a box. And, you are right that the wrong people in our lives can have a severely negative influence on us, unless we choose to be the influencer, to the degree that we can. We are agents of free will, and as such, we can choose what we do and what we believe. Dr. William Glasser, the renowned psychologist and psychiatrist teaches that, even with most depression, we choose to be depressed and that we are influenced more by our relationships that anything else. In fact. his Reality Therapy is based on creating right relationships and moving away from negative relationships as a way to deal with most of the things that bring us down. Personally, I see this fitting with Christianity. As Christians, especially if we consider ourselves as born again Christians, our most basic relationship should be the on with Christ. But, sometimes that is the hardest to come to terms with because we have trouble "being good enough" for God to love us. We want to get things right in our lives first. BUT, He tells us to come as we are and let Him take on our burdens and for us to take Him, for His burden is light and His yoke is easy. Even though I know all of that and understand it, I still struggle with it. I guess where I'm going with all of this is that I believe that most times when we think God is silent, we are questioning why would He care about me, with all my warts and imperfections. Thank goodness that what we think doesn't change the fact that He loves us and wants what's best for us.

But God, the real god is not two dimensional. He can be many things at once. He can be in several realities at once. that God is in you and in me and in Morphable all at the same time, plus he is in all the other people all at the same time makes him God.



What I am saying is, just because God is within you doesn't mean that your good to go. To benefit from his presence you have to be aware of him and listen to him and respect him. You do that by following his rules, One of those rules is to love others and you would love your self. And so to do that you need to look out for one another. But, if you have the wrong people in your life, well, your just not going to do that. You are going to be focused on a lot of other stuff. The wrong people in your life can make you greedy, selfish, mean, prejudiced, violent. theives, etc.

Nueilly and all,

These are some interesting thoughts. I'll not add much, just a couple of thoughts. First. Job questioned God. God did not kill him, just asked him a very pointed question-"Where were you when I created the wind, where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?" Secondly, the Apostle hit us all between the eyes when he said the he had learned to be content in whatever state he was in. OUCH! And last, (ok- 3 thoughts) there was only one perfect guy who ever lived, and the "religious" people killed Him. I'm not perfect, just forgiven. Yes, I question a lot of things that happen to me and others, but who am I to question God? But more, who am I that God would send His son to die for, so that I might have eternal life? Interesting thought, don't you think?

I too was a Catholic but now have no tolerance for their practice of religion, especially their avoidance of dealing with the sexual abuse within their church



I also believe that god is within us, but that we have to respect that presence to benefit from it.



I also think that, like it or not, how we react to situations, especially the instinctive reactions, fear, anxiety, love, those come from our childhood. you can with effort, rework some of this, but in a panic moment, the original reactions will appear.



I also think we can help to determine who we are and how we live, but it depends on the kind of people already in your life. The people, friends, relatives, influence what we do. If they are too critical of our plans, well we back down. It takes a lot of courage and determination to pursue your idea despite the negative influences around you



God is important in our life, it is his presence that determones who and what we really become.

Beyond a God.....



IFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!! and it's a big and long 'IF', there is a God the the best I can rationalise is that God is in each of us. After all, If God is everywhere then S/He must be with us and in us. From having been an enthuasiastic and extra practicing catholic I have now progressed to my current state of agnosticism/atheism. I now think and believe that contrary to traditional Christan lessons that, barring we do overt bad actions that, when we meet God, if we do, that S/He will congratulate us on having survived the 'journey' and will be curious to hear of the lessons we learned.

When I look around my life , and that of others, I see conditioning! I see that we are conditioned to believe this and to accept that, not to question the other and to accept our fate as determined by others.

The difficult lesson to learn ' May Be' that it isn't like that at all. We actually can determine how our lives will be.

There is an old catholic expression which is 'Give nme the boy/ girl until he/she is seven and I will give you the man/woman when he'she is seventy!' There actually is scientific proof for this claim though it was written long before the science.

In Psychology this period of development is known as the Critical learning period. This is the time when we learn the fundamentals such as speech etc and, if they are not acquired during that period then they will never be learned adequately. An example is when feral children are found in the jungle or, who were locked up in cabins or cellars, from infancy. They later never learn to fully adapt to society and norms of behaviour and speech.

In our own lives if we have been subjected to fundamental and debilitating abuses we integrate these negative lessons into our psyche. These really are, as they become, some our fundamental determinants and inherent value structures. They are the prism through which we evaluate ourselves and our experiences ever after.

So, it is easy to appreciate that your present difficulties find their origin in your formative childhood years (and remember the the CLP is not a rigid period but one which varies in individuals).



I really like the idea you put forward about the purpose of the two hands. Yes! We must secure ourselves first. That is not selfish If we don't take care of urselves how can we adequately assist/ take care of others?



Supposing you are challenged that you are God! and that you are the source of the answers you seek, what will you do? If you want or need there to be a God , can you allow that that God is part of you- within you, just as that God is within and without of everyone?

We have just been taught that God is outside of and beyond us.

I don't believe that



Say Hi to Mickie and Minnie for me.

Thank you for your generous and kind words. Like it or not, God certainly touched your soul and your heart through your words.



Thank you again,

Thank you for starting this interesting thread. Look, I'm an incorrigible atheist, but I won't bore you with any of my reasons for why I don't believe that we can even have a personal relationship with God. What I will tell you is that there are some religions in which other people can be gods, or have godlike, benevolent influence over our lives in ways that we and they do not expect.



You are such a person to me. Your thoughtful, caring words throughout this site are inspirational and comforting. If you believe that this comes from your faith or you were inspired by God, then so be it: stop being mad at God, thank Him for making you the amazing person that you are, and continue to do the good work that you do. In my opinion, however, YOU are certainly to be thanked and praised for your tireless efforts on this board, and likely in other areas of your life as well.

Princess



,i wish you comfort and loving people around you. What I do to sort of keep in balance is I walk. I think and sort out problems as I do my 5 mile treck



.I used to pray, haven't done so for about a year, but started praying again yesterday. The people around you can and do make a difference. But there is a selection process that comes into play. I credit my being able to pray to the people who rallied around me in response to my plea. There are good and generous people on EP. But there are some really weird people out there too.



Because of our past , you and I, can be too trusting and not trusting enogh at the same time. It is a difficult balance.



I truly wish for you to be less lonely and have people in your life that respect, love and care about you.



I wish you the very best.

Neulilly,



I've had a few long convos with St. AC lately about these kinds of things. Like you, I had an abusive childhood and my adulthood has been a different kind of suffering. For a very long time, I turned away from God because he didn't protect me when I needed it nor did anyone else. I lost my faith. In the deepest pain of my marriage, I began to pray. i had no one to turn to and reached blindly for anything that would help. Over the course of the next 2 - 3 years and hundreds of miles walking on a farm road, I found faith again.



God showed me the way out of my marriage and to this little Texas town. Life isn't perfect. I'm still very lonely sometimes. But this life is a hundred times better than the one I was living. I've learned some things about myself, what I believe, what role God plays in my life, etc.



Princess FaithHopeLove

Thank you for your kind comments.



The reason I was so touched by Dartist was that i was so jealous of her situation. Her 2 stories of moving on and starting her new life were so full of joy and optimism.



Damn, she gets to sail off into the sunset, so why not me? And now the reality,



AS she is in her little boat sailing across the water, a storm came out from no where, torrents of rain, the seas are boiling, her boat has capsized and she is floundering in the water. We can't as a group do anything about thr rain, wind, waves, but, we can help Dartist get back into the boat and help her paddle safely to shore.



We can do that by offering her comfort and reassurance. I don't know what her daughter did or said but we can try to reassure Dartist about that also.



Dartist's needs are more pressing than mine. so please if you get this far on my story, comfort dartist.



Love everyone for being so suportive of me.



Neuilly

Neuilly, You have a deep and abiding faith in God as evidenced by your loving response to dartist. And that wisdom, that insightfulness, that compassion are all evidence of God's loving relationship with you. He loves you and you in turn, love others.



You are frustrated and grieving the lack of love in your marriage. But it is just one relationship and not your only relationship. Love has flowed from you and to you from others. Even here on ILIASM, love flows between many members who reach out to strangers to offer compassion, support and sometimes a kick in the pants for a dose of reality.



Your relationship with God is unique to you. There are no two relationships the same on the entire planet, between people or people and God. But the very best part of a relationship with God is that you can really vent your pain without fear of losing HIm. He will hear you. Sometimes the tough part is hearing Him when he answers.



Blessings to you.

Dartist, This is not the first time that you have comented on my stories. You are a very perceptive and thoughtful person. You show a lot of warmth and caring in you words.I know of your situation of starting over because of a story you wrote, I comented on your story, wishing you all the love and laughter that life has to offer. It saddens me deeply, that instead you have been given sadness and pain.



I am so sorry.I don't know what to say about your daughter But because you are dealing with a serious situation, people do and say things in the heat of the moment. Their energy and emotion is running hot. There may be a chance that your daughter, in time, will relent and rebond with you. This doesn't help you now, but don't close the door on your relationship with you.



Your comment to me is beautifully written, you should consider copying it and posting it as a story from you. People will want to offer their words of love and suport. ,Your situation is unique, because you were just getting out. The door had opened, you were on your way, and the damn door has been slamed in your face.



The people here at EP will want to comfort you and hug you with their words and probably will cry with you. Your posting of being able to move on, restart your life was wonderful to hear. It made me see a posibility of a chance for a normal life. I am really sad to have everthing so upside down .



I am so stunned and humbled, that you took the time to reach out to me in the middle of all that is happening to you.



Thank you for taking the time to do that.I will pray for your heart to heal.You mentioned that for the time being your life of sarting over is on hold. Don't wait to long to restart your life. You struggled too long and hard to loose the oportunity now.



May God be at your side and give you comfort.

Neuilly, Last week a terrible tragedy happened in my life just when I was a few days away from starting over in the new life that awaits me. This event was one of the worst a person can face and all had to be put on hold for a time as I dealt with the repercussions.



A person in my life made a choice that as affected many people forever in a very painful way. God did not cause this for we are all given free will. Certain people close to me have been very cruel but so many more have gathered around me with exceptional kindness and love. These people exemplify Godly teachings and are getting me through one of the worst times I have ever faced but strength comes from the belief that all happens for a purpose, that we are not responsible for others choices, and that our true selves come to light when we face the worst.



This tragedy has brought a new awareness to me and others that God places strangers in our lives to become our family and friends when times get dark and one's heart is heavy with pain and grief.



What happened last week is too painful to write about here. What I can write to you Neuilly is that the teachings of spiritual beliefs lives in many human beings lives and reflects in their actions. This knowledge helps us to heal ourselves. We are never abandoned in grief as God puts His angels in human form with us to guide us and wipe away our tears.



Today my daughter dealt me another cruel hurt that is so shameful that I cannot write it here either. I know that I have lost her as a part of my life. I do not know this person she has become and it hurts so much. Her actions were not from God but the choice of a grown woman. There was no divine hand at play in this but the cruelty and greed of a selfish stranger who will only be satisfied in hurting me more. In her mind she is getting satisfaction at this while I am at a loss to explain what drives her actions.



All of us walk through this life with a certain amount of sorrowful happenings, Neuilly. Some more than others and we sometimes question if God has abandoned us in these times. This is not the case for answers come in the love and understanding of the kind people He puts in our lives. Being grateful for love and kindness shows love and kindness in return. Accepting what is and forgiving when forgiveness comes hard draws us closer to God. Moments of peace do come through and love always finds a way. Peace,D.

The other thing I should say is that because these explanations of what is happening to me that i have expressed in all my stories. is basically focused on what problems that are there. I focused my stories on the problems that are overwhelming and for me without solution, at least for the moment.



I didn't bother to report on the good in my life because, I don't need help with those areas. Consequently, I supose I come across as very negative and sitting in a corner, or on the roof waiting for a handout or something.



That is so far from the truth. I have had wonderful experiences in my life. i have had wonderful oportunity in my life. I have been given gifts of talent in many areas. I paint, I act, I help people, I am very involved with different groups. I have lots of people in my life. It isn't that I have never had anything good in my life.



My main problem basicly is my marriage. I just can't seem to fix it or get out of it



,

ah, even my mothership vigil is getting to be a problem. it's cold out there on the roof. That they are not stopping either is not good for my ego.



As for what else I ned to do: I know I have to put things into perspective and really have to simplify my goal into smaller bits so that the gaol is easier to reach. It would also give me the sence of progress, Right now I feel like I am stuck in a goo of mud.



The other thing I need to do is just take a break. I am very tired. When I am tired I loose patience and don't think clearly which is not helping. I am tired because am not sleeping well or eating well, and I need to stay healthy .For the moment, I am fine but if I keep this up I won't be.



So the first step is just get back on track. Put some normalcy back into my life.



Thank you for your response.

Neuilly, I agree with many of the things written here already. Feeling close to God is a choice. You have to reach out from your side and you have to really listen for the responses. I have often found myself in situations, including my SM, where I wondered why God hadn't helped. But, every single time I could look back and realize that there were times when He was speaking to me. I just chose to ignore it or pretend it wasn't him.



Further, I think there is a very naive quality to your questions, as though you expect God to drop wonderful things into your lap because you have suffered in the past and now deserve good. It doesn't work like that in the world and it doesn't work like that with God. As VLB said, faith without works is nothing. Take a look around at the most successful people you know or know about, and find out how much work they have done. Most of them have done more than you think they have and what sometimes appears to be talent or luck or a blessing is actually the result of hours of hard work and determination.



If you want good things in your life, you have to go out and get them and you have to open to them. Being closed off because of the bad experiences means you are closed off to the good ones too. Thomas Edison said, "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Don't be afraid of the work or of possible failure. Consider this; if you have gone through all the possible ways of failing, all that is left is success. God will be there with you through it all, good and bad, but you have to give Him an ear and accept what He sends rather than stubbornly waiting for what you want to hear and want to see floating by as you wait on that rooftop for a rescue.

I am humbled by your remarks, Cherry and tristedreamer. I can relate to both situations. I know that I have to move on. I need to simply live in the present, But the past is really breathing down my neck.



I realize the hurt in every word written by Cherry. That was not an easy message to write. But, thank you for sharing that with me.Part of the reason all of this is coming up now is because one of my uncles had died and remembered me in his will. It is a very awkward situation. I kind of feel like I have just been paid off.



A week or so after his death, I was thinking about lots of issues and went on line and ended up here on EP. I have been unloading all kinds of problems on these poor members of this group. Everyone that has commented on all my stories,has been incredibly kind and suportive. But, more than that,, they have been informative and simply very understanding as to where I was at emotionally. It is amazing how aware they are of what i am feeling or thinking.



The problem then became, that i felt very guilty sharing my information and then started wondering as to the right and wrong of using this sight. And so one thought led to another and I started dissecting my whole life in order to really understand myself and find a way to move forward.



It is the fighting with myself about being right or wrong that brought my issues with GOD to the fore front. And so, I wanted and needed to hear from others as to how they handled their religious relationship.



People who responded spoke from their heart and it shows. I am very grateful to all of you.I intend to reread ALL the comments again and again. Take notes if I have to. But I will rise above this and God will be in my life.



Thank you,



All of you are truly very special people.

I have a similar situation, guess a bit worse because I was constantly in the midst of religious fanaticism. So, for a while a would scream at God every time I could, and that was very often. Then I met someone you could call a spiritual guide for me. He used to tell me that my problem was with the idea of father (because my was a best), and not with God. I was 17 back then, really full of hatred, and I could not understand what he said. Then he told me that no matter what other people did to me, how wrong they did, it was their doing and it was not my fault. With those words I decide that no matter how bad my situation was, I was not one of them, I was not like them and I was not going to give them the pleasure to see that they screw up my life, not in this life. So i went on, keep going no matter what. Now, my past, as bad and dark as it was, is that, my past. My present and future have no single similarity to it. The whole point is that I decided to be different, they didn't, they decide to be scumbags an screw up everyone else lives, but that was not God decision, as it was not, my decision to overcome it, it was mine. So, you, we have to work out how our past conditioned our perception of reality so we can actually see reality and not what our minds are set up to see. That can be done in different ways, believing or not in God, but the truth is that believing in God make it easier; because as you said, he did gave us hands, brains and hearts, so let's make a good used of those and leave aside those out there that want to the contrary. And on top of all that, believe with your mind and think with your heart, that God already reached for you, you just need to extend your hand to take his hand. Just the fact the you can questions that and still believe in a deeper sense of human existence is proof of that. Don't let the past rule your life, and don't let who ever did you harm rule your heart.

God NEVER abandons us hon. However, I know from personal experience with more pain than any one person should have to endure in a lifetime (Emotional, physical, all of it), that after years of turning the other cheek and years of trying to maintain some glimmer of HOPE that things will get better with things only getting crappier, that it can happen where your spiritual relationship hits a wall. That is not to say a person completely turns from God or stops BELIEVING butI I know in my case at least, things had gotten so horrible with things, I actually stopped praying almost all together, because when your OWN DAMN FAMILY (sons and parents) tell you things on a daily basis that basically equate to saying YOU ARE FREAKIN WORTHLESS, well aftter 44 yrs of hearing it a person can tend to buy into that and I had convinced myself IM NOT EVEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR GOD? Figured it would be better because how can you pray and HIDE the pain inside from God? HE KNOWS how sad you are/hopeless/desperate? You just CAN'T hide these things, and in my own head, if I was not TALKING to Him, I did not have to acknowledge or THINK ABOUT how damn BAD I FELT and how HEARTSICK? Trust me sweetie, God does not turn away, but sometimes WE DO from HIM. (even without realizing it, like it took me a long time to see). And trust me again, When you are pretty much not praying or thinking about God at all, things DO NOT GET BETTER. Only worse, because how can a believer KNOW they are not having any relationship with their Creator? Their FATHER, and not feel 100 times WORSE realizing that to top off everything else, is that your SPIRITUAL relationship with God gets very very sick. None of the pain I feel from my childhood and on in to adulthood, even holds a candle to teh pain I felt realizing that nothing hurts worse than knowing you and God "ain't right" . Im still a screwed up mess and I don't know the answer of how to ever be truly HAPPY? But I do know God said If you have but the faith of just ONE LITTLE MUSTARD SEED, you can say to that mountain, MOVE! AND IT WILL MOVE! Hang on to that faith ok?? Its your LIFELINE. I pretty much had lost all faith that I'll ever have the things I BELIEVE God intended us to have (A COMPANION and significant other for one) . However, I had left enough faith to know MY GOD wold never abandon ME, so it was ME who best get their act together and stop looking away from HIM.. Hang on to the faith and pray. ... peace and love

Thank you, That was really very nice. Thank you very much

Neuilly,

Asking questions is good. Accepting ideas from others is good. Praying is good, however you do it. There was a period in my dysfunctional marriage when my prayers consisted of the word Help, repeated over and over and over. It was the best I could do at the time.



Personally, I think trying to apportion blame between yourself and God isn't helpful. I would urge you to be more gentle with yourself than that. Blame God, kick and scream - as others have said, He can take it. But it's not necessary to figure out how much blame is rightly yours before you move on. Forgive yourself any past mistakes, and let them go. You can't change the past, so it's only going to frustrate you to dwell on it. Your responsibility now is to learn from it and not repeat it (too many more times, lol). That's all you're responsible for, so don't beat yourself up any more. Please treat Neuilly gently, she is worthy of it. (((hugs)))

Laugh it off, accept there is no such thing and try to get on with your life?