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Dont Care

i think many of use see me as the enemy because as u say am a refuser.just because i dont have that desire doesnt mean am not human n dont have feelings n emotions.me n my husband have talked many times about this issue n he isvery much in love w me n understands how i feel. i dont live w blinders on r in denial i know he is faithful to me. so many of use say leave go somewhere else well to that i say i dont care.dont read my stories if u dont like what i have to say. marriage goes on love n life go on w out sex.sex is not as important as everyone makes it out to be.yes it is enjoyable n can be fantastic,but even w out sex a marriage can be wonderful.so i post here because thats what ep is about getting things off your chest.n my marriage may not be perfect r great but we have love n thats the main thing.
deleted deleted 26-30 16 Responses Nov 8, 2010

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I thought EP was suppose to be about support. Hmmm... <br />
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It seems those that stay in a sexless marriage who feel that without sex there is no marriage are taking their frustrations out on you. Its all your fault that they stayed in a marriage where they are unhappy. Uh huh. <br />
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This group is for anyone who is participating in a sexless marriage. Whether it is the person who doesn't want sex or it is the person who does want sex. I didn't see anywhere in the title that said you must want sex more than anything else in order to be a member of this group. <br />
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Destiney24 I'm glad you stayed and faced your demons. That's a very difficult decision. I'm glad you found out your husband does love you and understands your difficulties. You are very lucky. Just think, you could've been married to some of the rude and viscous people who attack your stories. It could be a lot worse.

I think I'd have a lot more respect from this poster not only if "she" typed in a more readable fashion, but also if it appeared "she" did anything with her day besides troll (and yes, I'm saying the word troll too) ep and sit and post all day. Sorry, but this doesn't seem like a happy, active adult with a life.

I am happy for you if you and your spouse are happy and I am sorry that some people have responded negatively. Many of us here probably wouldn't be happy in your situation but that doesn't make your situation wrong. Best wishes!

Destiney24,<br />
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I think if two people are happy living in a sexless marrige, thats great!<br />
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If one person is happy and the other isn't then that's an issue. Most of us here fall into this category.<br />
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Thanks for the post.

I wonder if we should discuss if there is any meaningful difference in the negative notion of a sexless marriage and the more positive celibate marriage.

You know you're never going to convince me that sex isn't important - ever!! But I guess if you're happy and your husband is too, then maybe it is true that the non-sex people should just be with each other, and leave the rest of us to it!! It's the mismatching of people that causes the problems isn't it? But why keep trying to convince us - it ain't gonna work!! x

"sex is not as important as everyone makes it out to be"<br />
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To you. And of course you're entitled to your opinion as are the rest of us. You just need to realise that the sentence above is exactly that, your opinion, its not a fact. Some of the earlier negative comments seem to have been deleted as I didn't see them when I read through the post (only the responses to them) but what I do see here is people being concerned that as you steadily march on loudly proclaiming that sex is not important - that somewhere along the line you don't end up losing the family that means so much to you.<br />
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If your husband and you are both happy with the situation and you have open communication then you are in a lot better state than most of us here struggling to communicate with non-responsive spouses. The thing I don't understand is why you label yourself as a refuser if you are both in agreement? You have probably read many stories here, if so you will notice that the person who is comfortable not having sex thinks everything is rosey in the relationship and it comes as a huge shock when the partner who has been trying to smooth things over and keep loving their partner despite everything finally comes to the end of their rope. Please don't let this be you.

My Dear Friend Here We go again. I feel for you so much and it is really starting to get at me more and more. You have every right to vent anyway you feel is needed. And Im glad that the remarks your getting are just makes you stronger.This is one of the things I have a hard time doing is dealing with rude people. I think you are a really nice person ...and you should'nt have too deal with this crap anymore. I think you are a True friend to everyone in your live (your kids and Grandkids).You know just what to say. Just keep believing and you will suceed in nomatter what you do.Like I told you before My Friend Your Troubles are only temporary. Please if I happen to be on chat look for me I really would love to chat. Take Care And have a good day Smile

Fairygold:<br />
"Instead, she posts stories asking us why we would want to have sex with someone who keeps refusing us. She is not asking this in a curious I-would-like-to-find-out-why way. It is in a cold demeaning let-me-mash-this-in-your-face way."<br />
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Go seek out the question elsewhere in this group from those being refused, around whether after havig been refused for however long, would "you" say yes if the refuser suddenly initiated sex. You may have seen it already; but many of the responses are prettty negative and vitriolic; so even there, it's a valid question... WHY do we still want to have sex with someone who makes it perfectly clear that they 'ain't interested. <br />
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I'm not picking, honest ;-) but sometimes the way things are presented on paper don't entirely reflect the tone they might be stated in conversation.

Fair enough. I still think you are egging people on which is why I will not be reading anymore of your posts.

hawk2002 - Of course people from both sides of the issue should post in the ILIASM group! <br />
The problem I mainly have with Destiney's posts is that she is not here for support, to vent, to offer advice, etc. Her title says it all "Dont Care". If she doesn't care, then why bother? If she truly believes that her marriage is happy sexless then great! She could share her story and offer her advice. But she doesn't do this.<br />
Instead, she posts stories asking us why we would want to have sex with someone who keeps refusing us. She is not asking this in a curious I-would-like-to-find-out-why way. It is in a cold demeaning let-me-mash-this-in-your-face way. <br />
How is that adding anything to this group? She is not asking for advice, she is not venting and seeking support and she is not sharing her advice with us. She is acting very troll-like by posting things that are guaranteed to get a heated response and then acting like a victim when she does.

Newsflash!<br />
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It IS possible to love the person who refuses! And as LoneHombre said - try commenting sensibly?<br />
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Or as thumper said. If you can't say notin' nice; theh feck orff!<br />
I will grant you; having someone who is clearly on the other side of the fence from the vast majority here is likely to be contentious. But, people - look at THE TITLE of the group?!<br />
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Is it I am sexless in a sexless marriage?? Is it I want sex and don't get it in my marriage? <br />
Nope. Therefore, comments from those who want it and those who don't are equally as valid here. There's many stories here; repeated over and over covering the same ground. Generally, nobody makes a comment on the repetition - again because the majority here are not getting something they believe constitutes a part of a loving relationship. Where someone in the minority pipes up, then wow, do we get bitchy! <br />
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One final thing. I took the time to chat with Destiney24 - she just happens to be a nice, straightforward and perfectly affable human being. Try treating her as such, eh??

So many repetitions that your life is perfect without sex. Are you trying to convince us or yourself?

don't mock her for how she chooses to type. remark on it respectfully or not at all.

Don't see any reason for anyone to attempt to talk this poster into the advantages and joys of sex. As her hundreds of postings indicate, she and her husband are apparently quite happy in their marriage. Whether they have deluded themselves into this or it is the actual truth makes no difference. Whatever works, all the more power to them. Y only question is why the apparent searching for validation here on this site in this forum? Just as no one should attempt to change what works for destiney24, also destiney24 should not try to convince others of the joys of her chosen lifestyle.

you said: sex is not as important as everyone makes it out to be<br />
I believe that sex is as important as both parties believe it to be. You may not feel it to be important but if he does then it *is* important (to the marriage). I am in a marriage where she is fine with just once a month or so.... I have no qualms with recognizing that she is perfectly right to no want sex.... but, on the other hand, sex (to me at least) is the manifestation of love in a relationship... a willingness to define the other as their mate in the generation of children... so I am also perfectly right to see the lack of sex as undermining to the marriage.... <br />
if something is important to one of the married partners then it should be important to both - that may not mean there is a clear answer... but it is still important.