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Waiting For Something to Change

hmm Where do I start. The last time I had sex with my wife was Dec 22 2006. That is hard to believe that we went this long with no sex.

During the time of summer 06'  she fell in love with 2 guys.During the fall of 06 she was still in love with one guy.I wasnt sure what the problem was. I found a way that could help me in Feb 07. I needed to know what the problem was.That is when I found out she was in love with another guy.  That was the reason for no sex in Dec 06 and  June 06 .

I found out she was having cyber sex with him, and skype sex.She would have cyber sex with the guy before she came home from work.She would call me at work  on the phone from home  to go get fast food so she can spend more time with him.I was pulling my hair out when I found out.I wasnt sure how to approach this problem.

Her cousin did the same thing to her husband. She found someone else online and  she was having cybersex with new bf.I didnt want to make the same mistake as the cousin's husband.The husband went at it the wrong way. That relationship ended in a divorce a few months later.The guy was a good guy.He still is a good guy.

          From late Feb to early Dec 07  I only kissed my wife  on the lips 6 times.I have express my anger so much over the months its unbelievable.I have broken so many pictures and destroy things beyond repair.Sometimes I wonder why am  I still in this relationship.I keep telling her I only want her in my life.I have learn a lot this past year on love,marriage,relationship and divorce.Even though I go through so much I have  not quit on her.It is like a  movie drama. Im fighting for something I cant have. Well seems like it.I recently started to kiss her more on the lips.I have kissed her more on the lips in last 3 or 4 weeks than previous 12 months.My wife's bond with her xbf or lover what ever she calls it  is still strong.They broke up in December 07' or so.In the next few months or so  I need to make a decision to move foward with her or without her.

         Getting sex isnt the problem. Even though I havent had sex  over a year. When I found out my wife was cheating on me , I started to search for  someone else too.The problem is the girls didnt have a chance anyway. I was still in  love with my wife.One night a sweet Italian woman would have sex with me if I let her.But she knew I was still in love with my wife. She knew I was married too.Well  I hope for the best. Im still hoping my sleeping beauty will wake up and realize the person that is still beside her.I cant go through this  another year. I wish I can tell my wife wake the **** up. For now  Ill  just kiss my beauty while she sleeps. 

from Navy Blue Wolf
BlackParade BlackParade 31-35, M Jan 14, 2008

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