Just Dialing Off Forum And Thinking Is This "training" Process?Just reading Dialing off forum posts got me thinking about training…
I am starting to wonder if He has “trained” me all too well. Desire seems to have floated out of my being and left me. Is it the fear of rejection that has done this? (feel like I am walking on eggshells)Don’t even bother because of X, Y or Z (insert whatever excuse). I remember long ago I couldn’t wait for Him to get home. I seriously cannot remember the last time I made a move. I can hint all day along with no result. The only clue I get is “do you want to make love” right before no lead up to. So I am supposed to flip a switch?
We have together27 years, married and business partners for 25 + years. Owning your own business can consume you. It’s all you can think about. I have learned to close that door at 8pm. Real life happens all day long. The business is his mistress. How do can or I I even try to compete with that? Besides there are a host of other medical conditions (I believe I have mentioned this in previous stories or rants). Been to the doctor’s therapist’s you name it.
This “training” has taken years to complete. I didn’t sign up for this course. I so want to go back to the beginning, when we couldn't wait to get home. I feel like I have already left this and I am not sure if I want to find my way back. I can’t do it alone and that is where I have been for long time, alone.
In Feb. I embark on a three month sabbatical for myself. Him too if He recognizes this. Maybe I am jittery because of this and that could be all this is. I hope too “untrain” myself in this process. This is a required course… of course.