My Husband Gave Me A Great Laugh Today....

We are in the 'she broke up with me, she can't possibly be serious mode'..I get the following texts:

'This is bullshit, we can't be apart'....

"R you serious?'

But, the one he wrote today literally made me bowl over laughing. It was hilarious.

'Damn Babe, do you really need to go this far?'

THIS from the man who has been pushing me away with all his might for ten years.  He didn't push me away, he threw me across the room (figuratively). He is honestly shocked that it worked! I laughed for five minutes straight it was such good comedy. He hasn't had sex with me in over three years, and the times before that were quick and almost very infrequent. Besides the sex, this man's rule was 50 insults for every compliment and he was a emotional bully, withholding any emotion or approval unless I toed the line.
Controlling bastard.

So, this line just sent me. Thank god I still have the capacity to laugh!

The whole thing is just ridiculous. What a jerk!
rosedl rosedl
41-45, F
23 Responses Jan 6, 2011

'Damn Babe, do you really need to go this far?'<br />
<br />
How far would it have been okay to go?<br />
What would that involve? <br />
Were there multiple options?<br />
<br />
"You're unhappy with me, babe. I can tell. Why don't we have take separate vacations, get drunk, and you can kiss a guy and feel bad about it, confessing it to me after too much wine. That work for ya?"<br />
<br />
Ask to see the menu at this restaurant we call: "Signals That I'm Sick of Your Sh*t"

rosedl,<br />
<br />
it's months later. Keep strong. A free woman is a great place to be. Just ask me, a free man.<br />
<br />

Dam! He must be on something.he just dont get

Oh rose! That's even better than mine moving out, breaking into the house a month later and readinng all of my journal and blaming me for the marriage ending! Oh ya and he admitted to seeing someone for a yr but my journal ended alll of HIS hope! Aren't refusers the best? Hang tough lady! Much love to you!

Wow...this sounds way too familiar to me. Your husband sounds like a typical narcissist. I was married to one myself, I have a friend who is a therapist who recommended a few books that helped me tremendously. <br />
<br />
It changed my life. I have been able to successfully "disarm the Narcissist" and re-gain control of my own life. Let me know, if you're interested or if you have just decided you 've had enough and have moved on, which is understandable. Good luck to you, either way. = )

All the advice thus far given you here is totally valid but I would admonish you again to seek and communicate only through the legal system. Your husband is a clueless, self absorbed and probably a brutal man. He will not give up easily for he at last has lost control over you . I would be on my guard and cease direct communication with him. Do not let yourself become a victim of a unopredicable happenstance.

Hope things work for the best for you. Do be careful though. The most dangerous time when dealing with an abuser, emotional or physical is the breakup. This is when the "controlling" type feels a total loss of control & sometimes lashes out in a dangerous way. Take care & best of luck :-)

Tell him "Believe it Buddy" lol

I am not seeing him. <br />
<br />
I think in a way, he is highly relieved because the mess we made together with a half renovated house is no longer his to deal with...(not that he ever really did)....<br />
<br />
I don't know if he will be violent or dangerous, I know things can get weird and strange. The fact that he is staying with a very decent man who likes me might help negate some of that....He isn't without support, in fact, he is staying with his best play companion, so I think some of the edge may be taken off for him. I think his crash will come later. Or, maybe not at all. Not mine to figure out, anyway.<br />
<br />
I haven't seen him in a week. I did text him today, but just because of practicalities. He is coming to the house with a friend tomorrow to get more stuff, so that will be good. I wont be there. <br />
<br />
The fact that he is calling me babe, and the tone of the text comments, I really think he is just waiting for me to break and just come back. And, I understand why he would. I always have before. Every time I get the urge, I think of Enna's advice to just sit with it and let 24 hours pass and see where I am at. That way, it is little bitty pieces, and I am in control of my decision. Not that this is easy. If I didn't have my friends, I would be lost.<br />
<br />
My advice to anyone who is thinking of attempting this...get your support system in order before you go. If you don't have one, start building one NOW. You will need ALL the support you can get. I bet that external supports outside of the marriage are one of the key indicators for success in leaving a dysfunctional marriage.

dont look back.!!! ..........dont give a chance to someone who treated you badly for so long! be strong!

Yes, it always amazes me how they push us away and push us away for years.....and then they act shocked when we actually go away.<br />
<br />
I agree with the advice to be VERY careful. He sounds extremely controlling and I would worry about possible violence....even if you've never seen it before. Do not go see him alone!<br />
<br />
Good Luck! Hugs!

It's so stupid, one has to laugh.<br />
It's a good place to be in to still be able to laugh at some things.<br />
I know there's other times, we just can't laugh at much.<br />
good luck...

Its so easy to play the victim, to admit the problem and accept responsibility, would a better option for him, not that it would get you back at this point.

I am with wise enna on this one. Be careful of the next step(s) as you aren't responding. He may go as far as he can just to get a response. Be prepared. Do you due diligence and plan for the worst.<br />
<br />
At the same time, this is kind of funny.<br />
<br />
Maybe your next response should be 'I've gone far enough. You're not my problem any more. Seacrest OUT!'

I didn't laugh. It's sad to me, maybe because I know that I have crossed that line in the sand. Do you think they truly are clueless? That's the only thing that makes sense!

Maybe you need an interpreter rosey ??<br />
<br />
I'll have a go, as I speak fluent 'refuser"<br />
<br />
"this is bullshit, we cannot be apart" - this one reads "I do not enjoy being responsible for myself in any way shape or form"<br />
<br />
<br />
"R u serious ?" - a rhetorical question, this one translates as "are you serious ? Is your role not to take on my responsibilities as well as your own ?"<br />
<br />
<br />
"Damn Babe, do you really have to go this far ?" - simply put, this one reads "I want my mummy" or, depending on the dialect "I'll try guilt induction, it's worked before"<br />
<br />
Anyway, soon you will have no need to know even basic "refuser-speak". For you, and other graduates of ILIASM, refuser-speak is like Latin. A dead language.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Maybe you should consider blocking him... unless you need the comedic relief. And change your e-mail screen name. hell, pull the phone out too.

Not answering is by FAR the best tactic. This is a man who is SO used to getting his own way that he simply cannot fathom that, for once, it is NOT going to happen . . . . <br />
<br />
Rose, be aware that his next step may be NASTY. Once he truly accepts that he is NOT going to change your mind, I suspect he may turn quite vindicative. This may occur even if he has not shown this side of himself before.<br />
<br />
Sorry for the "doom and gloom" but please be aware - and please be careful. Make sure all communication is through your lawyer. . . . .

I have been ignoring his texts. I didn't reply at all. I have responded to a few texts over the past week, but less and less. It's tough not to get caught in the dynamic but I am doing much better then before.

and the short answer reply???? "yes, babe, from you.:"

I'd agree that he's a jerk. It's probably best just to ignore his texts rather than trying to send witty replies, otherwise he'll think he still has some control over you.<br />
<br />
Best of luck.

Well, maninfull, in fairness I wont talk to him or see him in person. So, has been reduced to text.

In the end, we can only laugh at their cluelessness and stupidity. <br />
<br />
It's either laugh or go insane. <br />
<br />
I vote for laughter. <br />
<br />
Great attitude, Rose...