My Husband Talks To Male Friend All The Time. I Wonder If He's GayThis is long but I don't know who to talk to. My husband talks or texts his male friend several times a day practically every day. They used to work together until his friend got transferred to a new location at the same company. But we all attend the same church and this friend has been over for dinner a couple times (which I didn't really enjoy with him there). The friend is always complaining he can't find women who want to date him and seems obsessed with online dating (but I did ask my husband if his friend might be gay). My husband always says his friend is going through a lot of stuff, depressed about women, and he's trying to help him. But I think he is too connected to his male friend and I don't have any women friends that I feel the need to talk to every day, several times a day. Does this seem weird to anyone else? I know my husband had some struggles with gay feelings when he was young but told me that had ended long ago and it was related to being inappropriately touched by another boy his age when he was a kid. I believed him but am now starting to wonder if he is really gay and hiding behind our marriage, which would help explain lack of interest in sex or any type of intimacy. He never seemed into sex from the start of our marriage but at least made some effort early on.
Now keep in mind that conversations with his friend can last for hours and late into the night. He's also on the computer a lot even when he has to get up early the next day. Often they are communicating when our young child is asleep and I am often left alone and fill my time doing work on the computer, reading, watching TV, etc. I have asked my husband why he needs to talk to his friend so much and he always has excuses. I've also told him I feel his relationship with his friend is negatively affecting our marriage. He just kind of said he hadn't realized that, but did nothing to really address the issue and assured me he wants to work on things. I've even asked outright if he has cheated or wants to be with someone else and he said no but never got angry or seemed bothered I asked him those things. I think I would be pretty upset if he asked me that since I've never cheated.
Recently I've become more suspicious of his behavior. I checked his phone and found a couple of odd messages from men I don't know. Keep in mind that he usually mentions various people on his jobs and other friends so it's odd that he's never mentioned these people. I don't have proof of anything yet, but am starting to really question a lot. I had assumed that when he was receiving a lot of calls and texts they were from his other friend, but now wonder if other people have been calling and texting. Besides lack of sexual intimacy I feel there is very little emotional connection. Although he is kind and always helps out around the house and with our child. I'm starting to feel that his efforts to help around the home are to shut me up when I start to question him about what's going on. He seems very withdrawn a lot of the time and doesn't talk much. He never initiates dates with me and when I practically force us going out together I ALWAYS arrange for child care and pick the outing even though he always claims he's going to look for something to do but seems totally disinterested. We've been married almost 10 years and the first few years we were married he would take a lot of time to surprise me with special outings.
I know that a good marriage involves more than sex, but I feel that you have to at least have a connection and be emotionally connected and communicate. I'm starting to really wonder about the gay thing. Because if he is gay there is nothing I can do to get him to be attracted to me, and I don't think I want to stick around for that and would rather take my chances on my own and raise my child without this added stress.
hipwoman 41-45, F 15 Responses 0 Jan 22, 2011