4 Days Before Valentines Day...

HMM.. Are you loyal or is he loyal in such relationship?

Ok, ok I realize everyone wants to know what happened today, lol. The day isn't over it being 10 am here. I have been doing alot of thinking. I don't want to leave my marriage. I believe we equally have to work on our marriage. Valentine's day has always been hard for me. Having a husband who doesn't even say happy valentines day makes it tougher. To his credit though he does tell me he loves me quite often and we are working on showing our love now...with kisses n hugs and in other ways. Anyway he took me out to dinner Friday night and we went to breakfast on Saturday. We had a great time and just talked about anything and everything. I have decided to wait and see...I know that my sexless marriage is a lack of communication and love on both sides...with his problem being physical and not a mental or desireless one. My problem being that I'm not getting any but I do have to work on my communticating this to him. So this morning I told him happy valentines day and he said the same to me. I was happy with that. He told me he didn't have anything for me but I told him I just wanted to hear him say it and I was happy. Who knows, the day isn't over yet and he has the car today...you never know.

Ik,



I'd love to know what message you finally wanted to get across to him.

And, what action you took to convey what you wanted to get across to him.

And, what happened after the action.



Tread your own path.

Don`t think about it... it`s a life that I`m single... and it`s another s. valentine comming that I`m gona spend alone.... but I can still take a flight to US and come to visit all of you and celebrate in different way :)



I actually live in England but I`m half french and half italian and I`m really getting bored of this place :P



ciao

Micky

I'd leave,he may kill you on valentines day...all jokes aside

Valentine's Day is just another manufactured commercial holiday to make you feel insecure if you don't have "Love" or someone to share fabulously purchased and wrapped gifts, cards included.

Don`t think about it... it`s a life that I`m single... and it`s another s. valentine comming that I`m gona spend alone.... but I can still take a flight to US and come to visit all of you and celebrate in different way :)



I actually live in England but I`m half french and half italian and I`m really getting bored of this place :P



ciao

Micky

after reading your story and the responses to it - Don;t understand why are u still in the marriage ?

maybe you have ur own reasons!



Sweety stop cribbing and do something abt it

for none of us here are of any help its you who has to help yourself

To begin with



decide what u want

and work towards it with one step at a time approach



And for valentines

buy the sexiest lingerie available and wear it arnd the house - just for urself

I did it and it works wonders for urself ( u feel liberated )

It sounds to me like your marriage was over years ago and any man that abuses a woman is not a real man, you should get out of the marriage before you get seriously hurt.



As to Valentine's Day, just tell him you don't think you guys should give gifts, that is if two people love each other, they will find ways throughout the year to show that to each other.

Absolutely no gift is merited. Doing so just feeds into the lie that you are still in a loving relationship. This may be met with some hostility from the part of your partner but I am guessing it will probably blow over without much of a confrontation unless you provoke one.



When in a relationship with an abusive person, you become the victim or you leave. Are there really any other options?

Hey, if he threatened you...I say you don't need a way of "telling" him that he's a special kind of *******. Show him. Keep plenty of arrows around and every time one punctures his skin yell, "Happy Valentines Day Dickhole!!!"....and laugh yourself silly. A miserable person cannot stand to see the person they are making miserable happy...and even if happiness is so far off the radar now, and I do understand...Be good to yourself!



~Best Wishes

-----" How do I tell him my love for him is gone?"



You don't. You let your action/inactions do the talking.



Forget about Valentines day with respect to you as a couple. It is all a moot point anyway.



Just treat yourself to somthing nice.

he threatened your life? he thinks that's a joke? He is mentally abusing you. Turning it into a mind game. Did he even ask for forgiveness? No he turned it around and made it about you not him. He's not sorry about it, he thinks if he can get you to feel guilty then he doesn't have to feel guilty himself. My ex did that to me. He said I held to many grudges to be married, well how can you forgive if they don't say they are sorry? He made me feel guilty for holding a grudge, so it was my fault not his. Try and find a support group for abused women. It has helped me and it could help you too. They will help you figure out why you are staying, help you leave or support you if you don't. I found information at the ywca. Call there and ask about it. It could help you get out of your marriage. I know that your being abused you just have to realize it yourself. I hope this helped.

It's the day that brings out the hypocrisy in all the refusers doesn't it? I don't love you, but I'll buy you a card and chocolates or whatever - it's absolute rubbish. Be honest, and get him nothing - I doubt he'll notice - I know mine won't x

If they can't show their love for us 364 days of a year, why should we value this one day? It's quite ludicrous.

IK,

Just do nothing.



I recommend that you change your frame of reference. Instead of trying to figure out what YOU SHOULD do, you should just treat this marital crap as a game and wait to see what your unloving husband will do.



If he gives you chocolates, just say thank you, open it up and start eating it in front of him. Then ask him if he wants to make love to you RIGHT NOW. If he does not say YES right away, throw out the chocolates.

If he gives you anything else, do not thank him. Just throw it aside.













Be that as it may, let us talk about more important matters. How is your divorce coming along?

Ahh yes! Think someone is going to take herself to lunch!! Thanks for the great suggestion Philo!

True...still thinking this one out....and thank you Baz!

Reckon you might be overthinking this one Ik.



He doesn't seem to have been taking a real lot of notice of what you have been 'saying', so not getting him anything would communicate by an action, which would say something. I guess it depends on what it is you actually want to say though.



I reckon if you actually KNOW what you want to say, then a resourceful woman like you will know how to communicate it via an action. Say like you did in 2003.



But the first thing to figure out is what you truly want to get across to him.



Tread your own path.