Patience And Strength And A Fathers Love For His Children.

Hi, this is my story I am sure that most of you will be able to relate to a least some of it..

The following few paragraphs may seem irrelevant but they do have aprt to play later on in my story.

As a child my father abandoned me and my sister at six years old and so we were raised by Mother.
I never saw him again but I did get a telephone call from him when I was ten to tell me that my grandad whom I was very close to had died. I never heard from him again.

I can remember blaming myself for my Dad leaving I thought that I must have been a really bad child for him to never want to see me again the pain and hurt I felt as a young child will never leave me.
My Mum god bless her was working three jobs a day to to make ends meet and making a better life for us all so she wasn't around much to explain things and she probably felt I was too young to understand.

Skip forward ten years I am now a 20 year old confident young independant male. I never had problems with women I was a good looking lad with a powerful physique that the ladies loved and I had dozens of sexual encounters starting at the age of fourteen. I didn't wnt to settle down and I was happy with my lifein general.
My future wife saw me in a pub and flirted with me outrageously and we went out together every night for a week and slept together the next weekend. She was attractive brunette a petite lady with a figure to die for. I laid my cards on the table as I had always done with all my previous relationships and said I wasn't prepared to settle down and just wnted to live for the moment.
I carried on with my lifestyle of being a likely lad who attracted the ladies with the gift of the gab and who enjoyed a drink in the pub most nights.
My future wife would pursue me everywhere she would spend hours tracking me down to one pub or another and this would lead to us going home and having sex most nights.
I enjoyed sex with her and she was very inexperienced and naive in this area which I was pleased about as I knew that she had only had two partners before me one of which she had been engaged to for three years and was due to marry but it was called off she said by her or so she said at the last minute.
So in summary I had a beautiful girlfriend who was very inexperienced when it came to sex and nearly got married but decided not to at the last minute.
In hindsight perhaps this was a early warning that I failed to heed.
Anyway we settled down got a place together and had a daughter a few years later. My sex life soon went downhill after the birth of our first child I accepted it and thought it was normal after having a child for a woman. A year later and my sex life was getting better and I was happy again. Soon after this my wife announced she was pregnant which was not unexpected as we wanted more children.
Again the sex went downhill after the birth of our second child and I thought this was a normal process. However two years later things hadn't improved much and it was causing tension between us. She said this was because although we had two children and a home together she felt insecure as we were not married. I agreed to get married and things got better for a while as a result and shortly after this we had a lovely church wedding and she announced that she was pregnant with our third child.
Our third child was born and shortly afterwards the sex side of our relationship steadily got worse again. She said this was because we were living in social housing on a rundown estate.
I rose to the challange and worked 70 -80 hr weeks for a couple of years in order to save a deposit on a nice house in a nice area. The sex never got better maybe 5-6 times a year at this point.
I carried on working hard and as a result we managed to move to an even better hous and area a few years later and am still here at present.
The sex has always caused friction and rows between us and the marriage has been at the point of collapse several times.
I have wanted to walk out the door and never come back several times but I look into the eyes of my son who is my youngest child and all I can remember is how I felt when I was abandoned by my father and I know i couldn't do it to him. It is usually at this point that I as a nineteen stone muscular man covered in tattoos goes somewhere quiet and crys for a while until I muster the strength to carry on again.
Over the years I have had so many excuses from my wife as too why she doesn't want sex, your overweight and I don't find you attractive so I work hard and get back down to the weight I was when we first met and stay like it for months but it doesn't change a thing. Then she will say you drink too much I don't find you attractive when you have had a drink. I stopped drinking for a year nothing changed. I worry too much about money too feel in the mood. I will then work my socks off and bring in more money than we need but it doesn't change anything.
I feel that I have been used over the years and I don't even want sex with her now because it means nothing she has lost me forever.
There is light at tyhe end of the tunnel however, as my son will be eighteen next year. And I feel that I can now eventually let my real life begin and walk away with my head held high and at only forty six life still has a lot in store for me.
My wife kjnows of my intentions has I have always believed in honesty and she has been trying desperately to rekindle things but I won't be duped and altough I could just use her for my own gratification I won't because I have higher morals than that.
Maybe in a few years time she will realise what she has lost.
My children however will never know the sacrifices I have made to keep their childhood a happy one and I am fine with that as they are wonderful well adjusted young adults all doing well for themselves and they make me so proud.
Dont give up hope and remember you are not alone millions of people suffer in this way everyday.
builderpaul builderpaul
6 Responses Feb 14, 2011

Congratulations on raising your children to a point that you can take steps to care better for yourself. I hope you are able to walk away without much damage, and keep a great relationship with your kids. I have much younger kids and can't wait for that day to come...

You are a loving and devoted father; your children will thank you for that by being good parents to their children. My pithy advice ends there, but I truly wish you nothing but the best.

God bless you Paul. Stay strong. You have more strength than I do. <br />
<br />
If there is one thing that I would recommend, it is that you should teach your children to avoid the misery you endured. I am not sure how to teach them that but I think it starts by warning them that some people marry for reasons other than love.

I know that feeling of always trying to meet whatever expectation there set by my husband, to be "good enough". I've jumped through all the hoops and realize that after seven years together (anniversary yesterday) I still don't measure up to "good enough". My story mirrors yours and I admire you for your choice, committment and courage to move on. Best of luck.

Very lovely ex<x>pression of your life. I commend you for tolerating the manipulations of your wife and staying for your children. I am saddened by what you have missed in life. I hope you find the love and happiness in life that you deserve once you feel comfortable to leave. You seem genuinely caring and some lucky woman will certainly benefit. Good luck to you.

I'll cut to the chase here.<br />
<br />
Your dad abandoned you. Genuinely.<br />
<br />
You could have been a separated co-parent. You would not have been abandoning your kid(s).<br />
<br />
Anyway, you've guts it out to get them through to adulthood.<br />
<br />
Cutting this manipulative spouse out of your ongoing emotional life will be an excellent thing to do, but she will always be the mother of your kids and on that basis alone worthy of your respect.<br />
<br />
Respect cuts both ways. Your self respect will now propel you into the rest of your life. Who knows what adventures await ?? Exciting !!! Enjoy it !! Hope you and your kids mother can amicably handle the split up.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.