I Want To Fall In Love, Be Loved And Above All I Want To Be Happy

I got married out of frustration and circumstances beyond my knowledge. It wasn't love or attraction. My parents denied me the happiness,care and love I needed as a child upto my teenage age. I was raped along the line and different things happened that had a negative effect on me. I met dis man at age 20 and he was 12 yrs older, got pregnant after few months and I had 2 move in with him. It was hell cos I wasn't working and he wasn't either. Got a job 2 take care of both of us and when the child came, it became more of a burden on me. He wasn't ready to be responsible for anything so I take it upon myself. We had sex once or twice a month then,he doesn't show me love or affection in anyway but I continue to carry the burden of not being happy but before I know it I was carrying another child and that was when I woke up to reality maybe because I was older and I begin to realise that I deserve better. I had been used and deceived. I now understand what marriage really is, I realised I needed to love someone, I realised that I could be loved and cared for. What sort of marriage am in? After the second child , everything changed. We stopped making love and we began to see each other as strangers, we argue every time and we never agree. Now, at age 33, I sit down to ask myself if this marriage has done me any good, but the answer is a NO. I regret everything about it...... A marriage where I don't know my husband, we don't communicate, we dont go out as a couple, we don't have sex ...... We're practically room mates and I think now I want to choose to be happy because my life has not been a good one and I want to die happy.
Olarr Olarr
2 Responses Mar 2, 2011

I'm sorry about your past. Fortunately, it seems like you are beginning to come to terms with it and seeing that there's a way out. I highly suggest that you get some counseling and begin working on yourself. Next, I think you owe it to your husband, your children, and yourself to try and work things out with family counseling. You have invested 10+ years into this marriage, you should try your best to work things out.<br />
If things can't be solved after that, then yes, cut your ties, no one deserves to be in a marriage where you don't love one another.<br />
Good luck to you!

There you said it - 'I want to choose to be happy' - now you have to sort out how to achieve this. Nothing will come easily. Now take the time to work out how you are going to sort this out? Do you need to take evening classes to gain a qualification so that you can work? Do you need to start some kind of part time work to gain work experience? Ask around find someone to mentor you - do you have adult education centres where you are. You can do this and you owe it to yourself and your children to do the best for yourself. <br />
<br />
You are young and you can do better. Think positive. Go for it.