Ch Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes...Fundamentally my wife and I are in two mental places. We were in one at one point or at least pretty close. Honestly. We used to have great fun together. But of course... I mean we were together, we had kids together, went for long drives, we did all that great stuff... together. Now we rarely do anything together and its been that way for some time. I am a bit extroverted, I enjoy getting out to events, being with my coworkers after work, having a Sunday drink at the pub. She would rather not. I am happy in my space and she is safe in hers. If I change my disposition to be more in her space I will be bored and discontented and if she shifts to be in mine she will be very uncomfortable. No winners. Is this a checkmate? People change, that's human nature I suppose...A lot of stories on here seem to share the same notion. A great start and then a gradual or in some cases sudden decline in the quality of the relationship.
Except for EP, some alcohol tinted whinging, and a bit of inner turmoil I am sort of blase about this. I am unsure why? I stand to lose my kids, my house, reap the wrath of the relatives, and plunge myself into an uncertain future. Yet I am sort of calm. A few years ago I would have been panicked and angry. Not now though.
My wife has hinted that she feels I am a narcissistic, bi-polar, sociopath kind of a guy. Wow, all that wrapped up in little old me? I would have been on the defense at such accusations in the past but now I sort of shrug my shoulders, smile, and carry on.
You know what, I think she kinda feels the same way... perhaps the right word is "tired".
"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."
Anais Nin, "Winter of Artifice"