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Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Everyone has a bit of the narcissist in their personality, which is normal, but when this gets carried to the extremes and turns into Narcissistic Personality Disorder then there is definitely trouble ahead for anyone that tries to have a relationship with this person. Some of the key symptoms are excessive aggression, they are verbally abusive, exhibit defensiveness and being manipulative and using other people while still trying to be a crowd pleaser. Someone that has this problem is usually critical of other people, often rude, arrogant, sarcastic and aggressive in private when no one else can see their behavior. They are often angry and take it out on those that are closest to them. It’s not fun too be the whipping boy for a narcissist and they are very two faced hiding this behavior in public and only letting the evil genie loose on those that they can bully in private.
         
A narcissist will pretend to be operating from high standards but the reality is that they are only critical of others while the standards for their own behavior are non-existent which results in them being flaky hypocrites who pander to the public image while something much darker lurks under the surface. They frequently make promises that they have no intention of keeping and spend a lot of their energy, seeking people who will adore them or who they can vent their aggression on either by provoking fights or gossiping about people behind their backs.
         
These people often follow a pattern of seducing and then abandoning lovers, friends and people that they have conned into admiring them. Their lack of empathy and excessive self-interest mixed with an ability to manipulate and charm others make them highly abusive to live with. It doesn’t bother them at all to exploit their partners sexually, financially or blaming everything else that happens in the relationship on the partner. They will hinder any attempt by their partner to regain self-esteem or strengthen their personal position in the relationship and will actively seek to keep their partner in a servile position and to in effect keep them as a sort of slave.
         
The reality is that a narcissist is like a very selfish child; they find it hard to share anything but especially attention. They have a driving need to be the center of attention and will go to great lengths to be the focus of everyone in their environment. Often they will make up stories about themselves in an attempt to make them more important than they are and they will consistently blame others for any wrong doing that they commit. This behavior flourishes in those that are charming and attractive because this gives them an advantage and allows them to get away with this behavior more often. They pretend to be humble and very likeable in public and often choose a less socially competent partner to be their foil and will mercilessly exploit them to get whatever they have chosen as their goal. Narcissists usually sulk or get excessively angry if they are seen to be in the wrong or make mistakes, they often rage or throw tantrums and will often insist on rewriting history to cover their mistakes.
         
These people are constantly looking for attention; they flirt and often have affairs either real or fantasized and are very susceptible to becoming addicted to ***********. Many of them become cyber socio-paths who have online affairs with a bunch of people that they manipulate and lie to. At their core narcissists are often very lonely and terribly desperate for the affection of a perfect person that they have created in a fantasy. They create this illusion trying to create someone that will adore them and be always sympathetic to their behaviors. This double life that they create means that they are never really satisfied with reality and they take it out on those that are close to them.
          
In a way a narcissist is like an emotional vampire, they want people around them to focus all attention on them and are constantly manipulating those around them to try and achieve the spotlight. Narcissism is a sort of obsessive type behavior pattern that can wreak havoc on those that get involved with a person that has this type of personality. These people are often very abusive but often are very sneaky in undermining their victims. They can be quite vicious but often go through extraordinary contortions to try and hide what they are doing. It’s hard to reconcile the difference between their charming public persona and the lying manipulative behavior that goes on behind their façade. They can do terrible damage to those around them and often leave a wake of misery behind them.



Excerpt from the book Sexless Marriages and Other Relationship Disasters 3 by WarriorPoett (David Schreiner) Copyright 7-20-2013

 Which is available in soft cover at:   
www.createspace.com/4351647 

This book is also available on Kindle and other electronic readers I'm pretty sure you can also download a free reader from Amazon that will also let you read it on your cell phone

Amazon will give you a free reader for Kindle books that you can use to read them on your PC or laptop. It is called Kindle for PC and is available as a free software download from Amazon.
Warriorpoett Warriorpoett 56-60, M 18 Responses Mar 10, 2011

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I'm really glad this post got resurrected when you updated Asianblue. My husband's mother has severe NPD and my husband exhibits many of her personality traits. Marrying into this family was the worst mistake of my life (excepting the birth of my daughter). Every bit of the above description rings true. Every family has problems, but NPD families are on a completely different level of dysfunction.

Very interesting; my husband has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) but has many of the traits you describe here.

Reinventing yourself is a trait lauded in Entertainers. If we all held Madonna down to her birth origins...we'd miss a lot of great music. Is there a way to teach the Narcicist not to abuse and still keep the charm and dynamic personality aspects that people fall in love with?

Narcissists aren't ever going to be anything but what they are and that is totally self absorbed they can never see anything outside themselves unless it has something to do with what they want. It's not like they play roles and then revert to normal because they are always in the role and never come out they have no normal.

Thanks for the definition.

this article is very sad and hopefully you will believe In yourself and find another that will give you the kick too feel good again!!!!

online affairs is dysfunctional...if your going too make a go of a better life then you need too find the right woman, you need sex right? find the right woman for sex and fun and truly wants too be with you. the constant need of attention also can ruin a relationship...too many games in this union its time too start fresh. real love, real sex, real affection.

Interesting reading Warriorpoet! There are a few of those on EP....

HMMMMM, we have probably encountered the same people.

cyber socio-paths who have online affairs with a bunch of people that they manipulate and lie to.<br />
<br />
;yep my refuser has had an on line affairs, the sex stories he wrote to the gal was burning HOT!!! <br />
;I found out where he was grooming two other women to also be his online ****** ,<br />
<br />
I l want to e-mail them and let them know who he really is.if they only knew !!!

up date.... i got a job on the 1 of Jan 2014 and im gone!!

That's my mother

Reading the book now. You clearly have met my wife in a past life.....

I've been married to a person with narcissistic PD for 25 years and just diagnosed it last weekend. It's been a liberating experience to discover why so many things have not made sense all these years. Why does he exaggerate? Why is he a sex addict? Why does he criticize me so much? Why is he so threatened by my accomplishments? Why does he argue about things that don't even make sense? Thank goodness my self-esteem is still in tact but it hasn't been easy and I've had many bouts of depression after his rants. This is a second marriage for me and I've always contended that I would never marry again. I assumed all men were like this. Maybe I'm wrong but I still wouldn't take a chance. I started counseling Wednesday. Already the counselor thinks I should get out. I refuse to do that. I don't believe in divorce. I feel better armed to deal with it now that I know what I'm dealing with. It won't be easy though.

If you stay you will just get more of the same for the rest of the time that you are in this hellish nightmare. Narcissists don't get any better in fact they tend to get worse with age. There is no reason to subject yourself to this unless you have a streak of masochism in you. You have divorced before so you obviously believed in divorce before and eventually you may find that it's the only solution to the constant belittling and putting down and constant emotional destruction that being in the presence of one of these emotional vampires inflicts on their victims. Never say never you can always change your mind and now that you know that it's not you indeed you may want to seek a healthier environment where you can at least have some peace. Good Luck to You.

Thank you, WP, for your marvelous desc<x>ription of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I was raised by a mother with this disorder, and believe me--I can't imagine a much worse type of person to have for a mother! I never before, however, saw my parents' relationship as clearly as I am able to now. I've never seen a man as beaten down by a woman as my father was by my mother. For both my father and me, there was never any way of pleasing her, or of saying or doing the right thing. And forget trying to win an argument--as I tell people now, my mother was a force of nature: trying to deal with her was like dealing with a Category 5 hurricane: when you see it coming, run for cover and don't come out until it's gone and the coast is clear. Thank you again, WP. I'm 64 years old, and a huge piece of my life finally makes sense to me.

Pookiem is so right. I spent 10 years trying to please someone that couldn't be pleased. I was consistently told (in many suble and not so subtle ways) that I was not pretty enough, racy enough, smart enough, active enough, too skinny, etc etc etc. while he provided very little in/to the relationship. All the signs were there from the beginning but I chose to ignore them..and things just got worse. He ended up having an affair...asked for forgiveness and another chance...then continued with his affair several months later with a secretary from his office. He came clean at this point of how he felt about me and our marriage. He told me that he thought I was just lucky to have him in my life and he didn't need to give anything. He told me that he thought he was better than me so he took me for granted. He told me that I never put him on the pedestal that his mother and sister put him on ...and then just to kick me when I am down..he tells me that I was a great wife and a very pretty girl... but he was just never attracted to me...just didn't have the passion. Im 5'7..130 lbs..pretty..take good care of myself...have a great job...and most importantly...I was a good wife to him. He said he went to see a therapist 2X after we separated and was told he lacked empathy. Not sure I believe that he ever saw a therapist (he is too smart for a therapist according to him) but those words 'lacked empathy' are right on. I started therapy after separating and came to realize that he was emotionally/verbally abusive and most likely a narcissist. It erodes your self esteem little by little. You do everything to try to make this person who is supposed to love you...accept you...but there is NOTHING you can do to make this person happy. It takes a long time to recover from a relationship like this...I am still a work in progress...but I wish I would have gotten out much earlier....instead of taking the final blow of an affair after years of put downs.

That 1st step is a big step for so many, "Believing in yourself and that you deserve better". Part of that is knowing that you are not the problem. Even if you "correct" all the abuser says is wrong with you, they will find more of you that needs to be "fixed." Don't give up, don't give in, just get out, "

This is very sad to have to live this way. My husband had a 10 year, sexless marriage and one day after work, she had filed for divorce & had him put out. I admire you as I do my husband because you stay for sake of children. He has 6 kids & 3 were still at home. I wish you the best of luck as you wait for the time you can begin to live again. Stay strong & bless you. It's hard to find Dad's like the two of you.

This is pretty much my situation. It took years to realize exactly what I was dealing with. The signs were there before we married, but I was fool enough to believe it was not that important, or that she would change (or mature). <br />
<br />
We have two children, the oldest has escaped to college and I am staying until the younger graduates form high school. As with the writer of an earlier posting, I have given up on sex. Every two or three years is simply not worth the pain. I sleep in the guest room; I miss the emotional and physical intimacy, but its easier this way.

Very well written & right to the point. A friend of mine was, (or still is, I don't know), married to the classic one. Except people knew how he beat her up. Anyway, I was married my second time to a man who had a lot of it in him. Not physically abusive, well once, when he pushed me in a corner & acted as if he was going to strangle me. I told him if he ever did that again, he'd be pushing up daisies because I had a gun. (I sure did!). Plus my sister witnessed this. This man was a huge controller but only as far as I let him. Then I just did what I wanted. But, I knew which battles to pick and tried to avoid fights. Even so far as to only watch what he liked on TV, (surprise, cop shows were a biggie for him) and to never say anything about knowing he cheated at Monopoly & Yahtzee. Let him win, I didn't really give a crap, I only played because he wanted to. Why did I stay? Because my parents were in their 60's, lived nearby and I would have had to stay there and I wasn't about to bring this misery to their home. When I finally realized I no longer loved this man, I had no trouble going, I also had a place lined up and a couple of guys to keep him away. So, what did he do? Came to where I worked, (fast-food) & sat in the dining room for 2 days & cried. Thankfully the mgr told him not to ever come back. He is dead now and I don't care. It's a strange feeling to be that way. <br />
I take it you wrote this book. It's good as women need to know this exists. Many times, of course, they are driven to the point of believing it's all them. I hope it opens the eyes of many and I do think the word is getting around because I hear more people using that word. Knowledge is indeed power, We need to get back to a time when, for the biggest part, men were MEN and knew how to treat a woman and took care of their family. Not as the boss, but as something he cherished. I hope it happens before it's all too late.

Wow,<br />
<br />
That sounds like my ex to a T!<br />
<br />
lws1959