Exit PlanThe Value of An Exit Plan.
Whether you arrive in ILIASM at the stage of "everything is perfect, but for the sex" part of your process, or at the point where you know the marriage is dysfunctional - with sex being the major symptom, or even at the stage that you know it is done, an exit strategy is well worth working on.
YOUR exit strategy will be as unique as you and your unique circumstances, and you will tailor it to cover these.
Getting your exit strategy together has value in all sorts of ways.
1 - it deals in hard practicalities, and in so doing makes you confront many fears, for example financial fear (among others) and helps you see these things for what they are. It will help in reducing the fear level. Choices you make without a mindset of fear will be better choices than those made on a basis of fear. Whether your ultimate choice is to stay, or to go.
2 - it will help you get yourself up to speed about matters with which you have not - up until now - had to know a lot about. Like maybe finances, or what you need in a kitchen. It will help alleviate anxieties concerning fending for yourself. It will also provide you with a distraction from the emotional turmoil you are dealing with at times. Whether your ultimate choice is staying or going.
3 - it will help you accept that this is a real and probable outcome should your domestic situation remain as it is.
4 - once you are at a stage of accepting the probability of leaving, and know what you would have to do logistically to do so, you can play the "ultimatum card" in your last ditch effort to fix the marriage. Otherwise referred to in ILIASM as "The Talk" this draws the line in the sand which sees you out if the spouse does not step up. So point 4 is that it provides you with leverage, and produces a consequence for inaction by your spouse.
5 - should "4" work, then you may never have to activate your exit strategy, so you have lost nothing in this scenario. Alternatively, if you do have to activate your exit strategy, it will be at a time of high emotion by all parties involved - NOT a good time to be trying to think ob
Even if you have put up your own roadblocks - "I can not ever leave because (insert your reason here)" it is still worth thinking about your exit strategy, even just in theory.
Self imposed roadblocks have a tendency to disintegrate when you apply the blow torch effect of challenging your thinking about them. What may have been inconceivable a week, a month, a year ago suddenly are seen as viable choices, and any work you have done on your exit strategy, even just theoretically, up to this point suddenly becomes valuable.
It is hard enough to leave a marriage under the best of circumstances. It is certainly the hardest of the choices which are all rotten choices anyway. Whatever you can do to smooth the path, pre-prepare, call it what you will, is going to help when this awful time has to be faced. With an exit strategy in your pocket you can concentrate on the other aspects of the dynamic at that time. It may help the split be 'managed' rather than just blown up, and thus be as amicable as can reasonably be expected. Very important as a co-parent if applicable, and equally applicable in your future relationship with your spouse.
Tread your own path.
bazzar 56-60, M 12 Responses 11 Mar 28, 2011