My SolutionI am a very good looking 48 year old married woman in the best shape of my life. I have used exercise to get rid of the anxiety due to the lack of intimacy with my husband. We have been married 7 years and together 8. When we first dated and he was not all over me and trying to get me into bed, I thought he was being a gentleman. I found out too late that he is just not interested in sex. I was looking forward to an exciting and rewarding sex life as I had married the most physically attractive man I ever met. The first time I saw him I went weak in the knees. Now when I see him, my stomach turns.
I warned my husband when the sex ended in 2009, that I would not stay in a sexless marriage. The sex went from once a week to once a month to once every six months, then nothing. Anytime we had sex it was because I was the one initiating it. He used every reason in the book to explain why he could not or would not have sex. I moved out July of 2009 only to have to return that same year in December. Because of the economy and a loss of my job I could not afford to rent another home. Talk about a depression. I thought I had finally moved on only to find myself back four months later.
I have spent the better part of our marriage going through all ranges of emotions trying to fix our broken relationship. I was the only one willing to change and do any of the work. I spent a year in my pastor's office crying and venting about the lack of affection from my husband. He finally said to me that my husband has abandoned me, emotionally, physically, and financially. In reality he is no longer a husband who cares for his wife. It took a while for this to set in. When I finally got the fact that I am a single married person, I decided to change what I could.
In September of 2010 I said to my husband that if no changes were made, I was going to start dating in January of 2011. It was not meant as a threat, it was a warning that my needs were not being met and I was going elsewhere if he did not want to join in the relationship. I said he has given me no indication he wants anything different so I was going to take care of myself. And that is just what I did.
As of January of 2011, I have been on several dates and do not hide this from my husband. I do not rub it in his face and only discuss it if he brings it up. In my eyes we are divorced and he is free to do as he wants. I explain to the men I date my current situation and why I am still married and living in the house. (I have no job or medical insurance and with two kids I am willing to stay married as long as my husband is OK with it) If they can handle the inconvenience then we go out. So far no man has had a problem with it. I do not bring men to the house out of respect for my husband. I am not doing this to get even with him or embarrass anyone, this is for me.
I have been intimate on several occasions with one former boyfriend, and I cannot explain the warmth and joy I felt at being desired. It is like I was woken up again from a long nightmare. I am feeling things that I have kept locked away. I am less likely to ever put up with what my husband was willing to give. When I get a job and insurance, the divorce will come. I deserve the love and attention that I have been denied. I look forward to a better way of living. For now this situation is working for me.
ldynay 46-50, F 18 Responses 6 Mar 29, 2011