No Sex Wife & MistressI'm currently married for over 7 years. I am healthy 41 years, attractive, and my wife is in her 30's attractive, healthy. My wife has been largely uninterested in sex for years, and now only has sex on her 'ovulation' days in and effort to have a child - and even this is a struggle for her. She even went to the point a few times of having me ********* into a small container so she could inject herself with the ***** to avoid having sex! How bizarre is that? When I said I didn't want to do it she would cry and get very crazy with me (something I learned to deal with over the years and placate her wishes just to keep the peace). Lately the sex efforts are a little better (but still only during ovulation). To make matters worse, I don't think I even care anymore.
I have always loved my wife but feel distant and really not so deeply connected to her, still for the most part we get along really well, and have some very good times together. For instance every week we have at least 1 or 2 dates. Dinners, shopping, etc. We enjoy each others company most of the time and spend a good amount of time together. She tells me she loves me so much, how cute I am, how she wants to be with me forever etc. There is even some quality affection, kisses hugs etc, but intimacy is just really not there at all. So, because of this lack of any intimacy, I've been cheating on her for years now. She must more or less know about my infidelities but I think she looks past it because she knows how sexually screwed up she is and as long as I 'love her' then she's almost ok with it. Well, I'm not 100% sure she knows about it I just know she's not stupid. The way I felt was, that if she wasn't going to give me sex, I'd have to find it elsewhere. Yes I know this probably isn't the best way to deal with it, but I have needs she was completely uninterested in fulfilling. So I began to live a double life of sorts.
I would go online and search out women who just wanted (more or less) a good time. I found many. I would usually lie about my name, my occupation, etc. I became another person (usually dumbed myself down) as a guy just interested in sex and fun. I'd have sex once or twice with them and move on with no feelings really being hurt since we both knew what the meeting was ultimately about. Some of the women were cheating on their husbands. It was a win win for both of us. But of course I felt that this couldn't be very healthy in the long run.
Then I met one woman who I had sex with, and I then kept seeing. I really liked her on many levels and she me. Soon, she figured out all my lies and called me out on them. I thought it would end there. But then she then told me she didn't care about the lies and that she loved me no matter what. I was shocked. She learned about my wife and surely didn't want to be a home wrecker. She had a guilty concious about this - even though it was my fault because I initially told her I was single. At times she gave me ob
Now I think I love her too. Problem is I still love my wife and feel responsible to her, and even though she's largely given me almost nothing over the years in terms of my needs - I somehow feel very attached to her. I am no longer 'in love' with her. I'm not sure I even know what that means anymore. I do know that I have 'in love' moments and hours with my mistress and that I appreciate all she does for me including cooking me great meals. (My wife has probably cooked for me 12 times in 7 years). So yes, that's no sex and no food. When she does cook (or sex for that matter) it seems so contrived....so planned, almost fake. I don't know how to describe it. Despite all this I think of staying with her. I'm not sure if it's just the stigma of divorce or the sadness of saying goodbye forever to someone I've been through a lot with over 10 years of relationship.
Part of me wants to just move on and leave my wife, turn the page and say 'we tried'. I feel that our relationship is too damaged to really be fixed. Part of me wants to stay and try to work things out with her, but I think this might be futile - because my belief is that I don't think you should have to 'work' at having sex and intimacy. Of all things I feel that should come naturally. I'm confused and wondering what I should do. If I tell my wife about my mistress she'd be devastated, I can't bear the thought of that. And my mistress has said she won't remain my mistress for too much longer....and she cries a lot and expresses how much she loves me and wants me in her life. It's really painful to her and painful for me to see. So if I stay with my wife I may miss out on someone who truly loves me unconditionally and that I have incredible passion and affection with. If I go to my mistress I say goodbye to ever having children (as my mistress is probably too old and uninterested in having them) ..... it's really making me take a close look at my life and only making me confused.
Thanks for reading, and your input would be appreciated.
wasabiholic 36-40 36 Responses 4 Mar 29, 2011