I Just Want To Know Why...I am losing patience with my sexless marriage. I am so tired of living this way and I just want to know why. Honestly, I don't even know where to begin. It seems like there is always a ridiculous excuse as to why he doesn't want to have sex with me. Over the past 4 years, I have basically begged him to have sex with me or at the very least tell me honestly why he doesn't want to.
Because of his lack of interest and being rejected so many times, I feel like crap about myself. The most honest reason that he has given me is that he just doesn't think about it. Which leads me to believe, that I am unable to 'inspire' sexy thoughts for him. I still have a little bit of baby weight from my pregnancy but I've been working really hard to lose it. I only weigh about 10 pounds more than when we met and he still has no interest. I've tried everything. I've tried being a better wife. I've tried being 'sexier'. I've tried telling how great he is in bed when we do have sex. I've asked him if he is gay or if he was sexually abused at some point. I've tried talking to him about what I need in this relationship. I've tried leaving him alone about it. I've even tried threatening him with having an affair. (I realize that was a low blow but I'm at rock bottom.) NOTHING WORKS, nothing gets through to him. I feel so lonely and so miserable.
As so many others have said, it isn't just about sex to me. I want to feel that connection with him. I need that closeness. I would be satisfied with a little make out session or even a really passionate kiss once in awile. My husband won't really kiss me or touch me AT ALL unless we're having sex (once in the last 3 months). It is like everything is off limits to him. No sex, no oral sex, no making out, no passionate kisses. I can't even remember that last time I saw him naked. Basically, all I get are pecks on the lips and hugs. I'm 29 years old and I can honestly say that I got more action my senior year of high school! I have slept in the guest for the last six months or so. It has been easier that way. When we slept in the same bed, I cried every night. I would get my quick 'good night' peck and he would roll over.
I can't talk to my girlfriends about this anymore because they just can't relate. I get so angry every time one of them complains about her husband 'pestering' her sex again! I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to leave him but I don't want to live like this anymore either. Is this something that can be fixed? Or do I have to sacrifice my needs to make this relationship work?