Sexless Marriage And The Options.....
I am struggling lving in a lackluster, sexless marriage for almost three years
It wasn't like this at first, quite the opposite. We had a great sex life. But when we moved to USA (I sponsored him for a green card), life was very hard for me. I worked for a terrible company with a tyrant for a boss. It was stressful and my husband did not offer any moral support. He was silent and dispassionate almost all the time. My husband at that time was looking for work. Anyway, we were having major problems and fighting a lot. Even seperated.
I decided to get counseling to help me deal with my negative feelings (of abandonment, lonliness, sadness, anger). It didn't take long for me to gain a more calm outlook and learn to take care of my self. I am a lot more in control of my feelings. My husband and I have improved our relationship. But it is far, far from perfect. We are now like roommates. At most there is a hand holding and a little head stroking.
He has said to me, "I love you like a sister" and that "he does not have sexual feelings for me anymore." He also said that he has never really been a sexual person. In a way, I feel like he misrepresented himself when we first got married because he was very sexually active then.
It has caused me a lot of sadness. I question my appearance. I am actually a very good looking woman and have no problems catching other men's attention.
I ask him "what I am supposed to do?" and his reply is "wait. until his feelings come back."
Well...I want to tell you I think that is nonsense! I have to wait for him to get his feelings back for me???? Till when????? a month, a year, more????
Don't get me wrong, I am not demanding sex. I do not want him to give me sympathy sex. That would be disgusting. I want to be truly desired.
I decided it is not my fault that he can not function in a normal way. I can not force him to desire me. But I can take care of my own needs. So I will be pursuing relationships outside the marriage to fulfill the void left by my husband. I had qualms at first. But not anymore. Nor do I feel I should have to go for a divorce (and suffer financial hardship/loss of property). When the time is right I may get a legal seperation. But I am in no hurry.
It is sad it has come to this.
I told my husband I was pondering my three options:
1) Stay around and wait for him to change his feelings
2) Get a lover to have a second life outside the marriage (yes, I told him this)
3) Leave (I also said, "you will probably realize you have feelings for me, only when I am gone or in the arms of another, and by then it will be too late)
What do you think?