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Wife Picks Dogs?

This isn't really my entire story, more of a question I guess. Has anyones wives or husbands for that matter consistantly pick the company of the household pet(s) over the company of their spouse (you)? If so, is this as wrong as I feel it is. My wife will not typically have sex with me, and if she does she doesn't even look me in the eyes...yet I can consistantly be seen kissing dogs on the mouth, holding the dogs, petting the dogs. Ok, so I thought that maybe I just had issues with the attention that the dogs recieved from my wife, she always makes excuses for their bad behavior has well. One day however while my wife had no cloths on just after a shower (a rare sight for me, she is good at hiding her body from me in sweats and t-shirts every night of the week), she was laying on our bed holding one of the dogs, again I say with no cloths on (not the dog, MY WIFE), I literally, "Oh God, gross...!) and she literally just looked over at me, smiled, and said, "What"...what the &^@# am I living in? I obviously live in a SM, when we were dating I could see an obvious drop in physical affection (before our sexual relationship) after getting the dogs. Is it really possible for someone to love animals more than their spouse? I have asked her if she would pick me over them, she simple says, "Don't make me pick! It would hurt me so much if you got rid of them..." As in you would pick them if you can't answer the question...if we argue about the dogs living in the house she tells me, "It would be in my best interest to drop the arguement", I wonder, .....or what, that sounds like a threat to me, a bold threat, over the household pets. Perhaps I am off my rocker and am just a dog hater, or is it justified, these issues are just a small portion of the issues at hand. Advice or comments?
Lance49 Lance49 22-25, M 17 Responses Jun 18, 2011

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The thing wrong here is she is having an affair. It is that obvious. I have read all his posts. She comes home hours late from work, shows him no affection or attention, telling you to drop the dog issue if you know whats good for you. Who soes she think she is?<br />
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The sooner you drop her the better.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

Thanks Liz, I feel like it is crazy too at first, then I see how wrong it really is. Just like it at first felt crazy to ask for regular sex, no I know different

I don't know why but I feel compelled to give my 2 cents' worth here. Maybe it's because I was in a marriage and realized many years too late that my ex was in our marriage for a multitude of reasons other than why people actually get married. She would deny this, but basically I could have been anyone. Particularly how you have tried to discuss stuff with her and she just disrespects your right to basic human adult consideration. Don't take her disrespect, you deserve to be in a loving mutually rewarding relationship. I don't know your situation - but if you can - organize somewhere to live, take the day off, start packing your belongings and if she asks what you are doing just tell her to **** off - the chance to talk has passed. You are young, start again, that sort of disrespect does not improve with age.

I too have watched my husband give more attention and physical contact to pets than he gives to me. I know his relationship with them is not sexual - but it is indeed intimate and loving - more so that he shows to me. When I find myself getting jealous of that attention and wishing some was directed my way then I feel guilty and think there must be something wrong with me to have those feelings.<br />
But I think it is probably normal to be hurt when the person withholding affection from you directs it elsewhere whether the recipient is human, canine or whatever....

Elizabeth, see my response above. You both deserve to more than someone's nice-to-have-around-when-they-need-you. I swear this brand of disdain for another person's life is a form of evil ... it is just the degree that varies.

<p>I dated a guy once, all he talked about was his dAM CAT! NO wonder he was in his 50s... and never married ! <br />
i felt like, ok , who are u dating here, your cat or me ?</p>

She is withdrawing from you emotionally for some reason. This got nothing to do with dogs, so don't take it out on them. Do you two fight a lot? You are very young, perhaps marriage councelor might help, (if your sex life was awesome at the beginging of relationship). She is hiding something from you (no eye contact). She either is mad at you for something, or just over you.<br />
Pets provide comfort for soul. How well do you understand each other? Is she comfortable talking about intimate or unpleasant things with you?<br />
I cradle my dog when I am emotionaly hurt and my husband doesn't get me.

My sister inlaw once told my brother that she would save the poodle instead of her new born son, they divorced some time after that . Ofcourse the Judge gave her the son which she promptly gave to her mom and so the son survives to this day . Don't ignore your heart :)

In my time on ILIASM this situation has appeared many times. Animals only require the minimum of interaction to be happy with us - especially dogs! Provided they are fed and generally well cared for they adore their humans in ways that are completely unconditional and expect nothing much in return.<br />
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Our Refusers find this very rewarding. Animals don't ask for sex, expect intimacy, want conversation, or confront them because they are not following through on their promises . . .!!

Ron, please re-read your paragraph above!! Hehe Hehe!! Somewhere between the animals snuggling up to you in bed and your second son being born is the missing link!! At least, I hope so!! ROFLMAO!!!

Now, some of the bullshit that I suppressed is coming back to me. <br />
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I am grateful to all of the stupid furry animals we had in our house. So many times, they snuggled up to me in bed and I thought they were my wife. Without them, I would have lost my mind sooner and we would not have had our second son.

My former husband used to cuddle our cats, pet our cats, give little kisses to our cats, stroke our cats and even spoon and take sweet naps with our cats. He showed them love and physical attention every single day.<br />
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My former husband did not cuddle me, did not kiss me, did not stroke me, cetainly did not spoon me, and when he went to bed it was solely for sleeping. He refused my sexual advances every single day.<br />
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It's not normal to show genuine care, concern and love and physical affection for pets and yet have none of that for us; their loving spouses. <br />
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They obviously have the CAPACITY to demonstrate love because they do it to their petsm yet they CHOOSE to not demonstrate it to us. They have serious intimacy issues.

The dogs are not to blame. You are also not a dog hater, but she may turn you into one.<br />
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First problem, the few times when you do have sex, she can not look you in the eyes. It is a MAJOR SIGN. Take it from a woman. There is something deeply wrong going on. Sex is such an intimate act and the avoidance of eye contact speaks that she either is totally disgusted by it or by you.<br />
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When she is laying naked with the dog is she making eye contact with him???? Just kidding....<br />
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When you ask about getting rid of the dogs and she says for you to drop the subject, "if you know what is in your best interest is," it sounds like she would choose the dogs. So I think she does love them more than you.<br />
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The question is does she even love you. Let's face it, we are all here because we are in sexless marriages. But our marriage problems run even deeper than just not getting sex. We live with spouses that no longer love us, or love us as a brother or sister. Leaving us confused and resentful.

Ok so to put it out there I'm not an animal person at all! I don't own pets or cridders or even pictures of them!<br />
But the man I am currently seeing has 2 dogs which he is very attached to.. They are his children in a way..<br />
He treats them like family, but when I'm around they don't jump in bed with us, there is no <br />
Attention to them or me more! Well maybe more attention to me (granted I don't live with him)<br />
But there are boundaries.. There is a line drawn, he seperates his "pets" from his relationships!<br />
And he for damn sure doesn't cuddle naked with them, that's what he does with me! <br />
So not so much advise but what I think it should be!

Try this out-- Intimacy problems. It is less scary to show a pet real love than a human. She never learned how to be open with another person. Perhaps a trauma from youth or parental absence in childhood.<br />
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The pattern is you are the best.. then you are the worst or incapable. The up and down goes on for awhile until it is less exhausting for them to disengage and find another ob<x>ject for their affection and time. Check it out on the web and psych sites. It seems to fit you. In a different way my wife's intimacy issues also fits me. All the best..

Whether it is showering the family pet with excessive attention (relative to what you are receiving if you feel you are not getting enough from her), too much time spent on golfing, sports, the gym, church, socializing, in-laws, children or whatever (fill in blank here) this all leads to one conclusion - you are living in a dysfunctional relationship where other activities or things are consistently placed before your relationship with your spouse.<br />
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Consistent placement and engagement in other activities while ignoring the spousal relationship will, over time, corrode trust and reduce your emotional and physical devotion to the marital bond, thus increasing the probability that you and your wife will NOT remain married over the long haul.

This so far is the besk advice I have read on the matter.

My wife bought the dog against my wishes, while I was away. I returned and became best friends with the dog. Over the next 4 years, the dog was my only ally in our house. Within a few weeks of leaving, she gave the dog away to a friend of a friend. I have no idea where he is. It was a big FU to me: you DARE leave me? FU, and your dog, too. I like to imagine that he's in a happier place, but for all I know, he could be a carcass in a roadside ditch.<br />
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Personally, I would feel better if she loved the dog more than me. At least the dog doesn't suffer, too.

She must have resented you for bonding with the dog, when obviously she wanted to be the object of its affections.
Wow...how spiteful to give the dog away. What horrid thing to do. Just goes to show you did the right thing by leaving.

Advice: get a divorce now. <br />
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Your wife does not love you -- you know that much already. She is also crazy. <br />
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Comments: I do not have the energy to re-hash this chapter in my bullshit married life. After getting some distance, it all seems so embarrassingly ridiculous. All I can tell you is that my wife was the same. She would touch her dogs ( and cats and lizards and fish and snakes, etc. -- yeah, our little house was a zoo at one time! ) in one day more than she would touch me in a year.

I think there are PLENTY of folks out there who love animals more than humans !

Erm...okay, I admit it. I prefer the company of my cats to many humans--however, I don't want them on my nude body and I will gladly lock the kitty out of the bedroom for the enthusiastic attentions of a mate.