Can't Take It AnymoreI wouldn't say my marriage is sexless - not technically. But pretty close. We have sex maybe every couple of months or so. Sometimes a little more, sometimes a lot less. The sex has never been good. He has never once given me oral sex. He was very inexperienced when we first got together and I thought that the sex would get better over time. In some ways it did, but the frequency is terrible and I can see that he has some major hang-ups, too. He wants me to lie completely still and seems turned off if I express my desire (in pretty normal ways!).
He wanted children for a long time and wanted to see a specialist because we couldn't conceive. He couldn't seem to accept that we just didn't have sex often enough! (Once occasionally twice a month back then). Eventually I did get pregnant and of course our sex life got worse.
It's not just the lack of sex, but the way he pushes me away. Makes me feel rejected. He can sometimes be affectionate in other ways, but I know he fears being affectionate in case I 'get the wrong idea'. I know he masturbates and has fantasies that he doesn't feel comfortable sharing with me. But I need the sex and the intimacy. I've tried initiating, talking, pleading, threatening (which I recognise isn't sexy!) - have tried to curb my own desire - all to little avail.
A few months ago, I had sex with another man. It's wonderful. He's not someone I'd want to be married to - and he has no desire to leave his family. It would be impossible for me to make life work for my son without my husband. I'm somewhat financially dependent (because of the current state of the economy) and we are from different countries - so if we split, my son might never see his dad (I can't imagine my husband wanting custody). So this isn't about breaking up either of our families, but helping us to meet needs we can't meet inside our marriages. I know I'm playing with fire, but I'm not sure I could stay in my marriage otherwise.
elkclan 41-45, F 21 Responses 3 Jul 3, 2011