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Excuses, Excuses.. When Will It Stop??

My husband is a bloody refuser! and as said refusers never change until and unless they want to..

Excuses, excuses and excuses.. goes on and on.. When will it ever stop? Lame excuses that too..

Wanna listen to a joke?- he told the doctor(family doc) that he never made love to me in our first night, as it was hot and humid!!! hahahahaha.. i couldnt stop laughing but felt pity for myself when i came to know!

he didnt consider it in honeymoon, bcoz he thought he could take it slow..

last night when i suggested him of going to a prominent doctor in the city for councelling, he said its 3 hours journey , full weekend loss and that its very far from home!!

when told to come to me,hug me and sleep( he said he is not used to sleeping sidewise but always on his back) he hesitated bcoz of the pain it might cause him!

All good and fair reasons according to him.. what can i say except keep quiet?
rhea413 rhea413 22-25, F 16 Responses Jul 9, 2011

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Kick him in the nuts and throw him out. He deserves a real good kick.

look maybe he is tired, you should instigate differen things. if all else fails i'm here x

Run you are still young it gets real bad as you get older. RUN NOW.

If u need sex and just sex find me. And maybe my wife will **** u too

Late charge by jimmyllama. Bear in mind jimmy that 'dadless' is already in the clubhouse at 11 under and pantyman4 is at 6 under.

Just to clarify, Jimmy, this means you are eligible for the "troll of the week" post. The other two posters (named above) however are streets ahead of you in votes, so I don't like your chances . . . !

Your usband does not love you and he is a stupid *******. <br />
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Stop seeking medical advice. You need legal advice.

It would only let me hit 'like' once. Maybe they're all just stupid ********.

You're young and it's not going to get better. You need to get out of this marriage.

He isn't even remotely interested in "why" he is like he is.<br />
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That makes any notion of YOU trying to fix HIS "why" a fruitless exercise in chasing shadows.<br />
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Even if you KNEW for absolute certain what his "why" is - YOU can't fix it. That is his job, and his job alone. And he doesn't have the slightest interest in "why" he is like he is. Let alone doing anything about it.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Read Lao's post twice. And then read it again, out loud.<br />
Hard as it is to accept, the truth is right there -<br />
the WHY doesn't matter.<br />
The "Why" only matters if you can fix it - but you cannot.<br />
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As Lao says, you need BOTH partners equally committed to saving the relationship to have a chance . . .and you don't have that.<br />
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And YES, men CAN be like this! Far more men than one would ever realise! Your husband is not alone in being like this.

If you want a reason - just pick one. Apart from medical issues and some psychological trauma, other reasons are probably equally valid and yet will not help you fix the sexlessness. Look at it this way, the 'whys' don't matter - they aren't important. They neither fix nor do they promote sexlessness. What ultimately determines whether a marriage remains sexless or not is whether both partners are trying. If both partners want it to work bad enough and care for each other enough - the 'why' doesn't matter. If one or both don't want it to work, the 'why' also does not matter. In the end, the 'why' means nothing.

Too hot, too cold, too tired, too sick, too bored, too..... <br />
<br />
The truth.... too NOT INTERESTED.

@ETH- yes thts the truth.. but nobody could answer my question yet.. parents, doctrs .. no one.. WHY IS IT HE DOESNT WANNA HAVE?? medical reports perfect.. he says he loves me.. wr is the disconnect?? am i missing something here?? Can men be like this?? i have no idea..

I'm sure you don't need to hear this again, but:<br />
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He doesn't want to have sex. He will always have a reason not to. At some point, if you haven't gotten there yet; he'll start making excuses before you've even got the lights turned out. He won't run out of excuses until you run out of requests.

My husband told me once to "Go have an affair". I think it wouldn't bother him a bit but I will be 60 this year so it ain't that easy.<br />
He is a great provider, a good father and a hard worker. He always was but sex was never his thing.<br />
I remember my mother saying that if she were a young girl today, that there would be no way she would get married and have kids. I feel just like her now.

@sensibleshoes- I am sorry for you.. btw few days back, i told him i wanna fall in love with someone..he asked me who?? or whether i have found someone.. i relied i was talking in general..he failed to understand that i was asking love from him.. but no use.. i guess our so called H are gonna be like this only!!

You can not outlast a refuser. He will have more excuses than you can believe. He will wear you down and ruin your self-esteem. You have to face the reality that he does not want to have sex with you. Then you have to deal with that reality. Most likely he will not change. Ask yourself can you live with this situation for the next 5, 10 or 15 years. Their will come a time when the constant rejection will take its toll. You will reach a point of no return where if he becomes the most affectionate person in the world, you will not be able to respond favorably to him. It will not make a difference. <br />
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I wish you well.

@OoP- thank you for your comments.. the situation / point of no return has already arrived.. even if he shows something.. its all out of passion to me and done just for the sake of it.. just bcoz i beg for it.. and yes as you rightly said, i dont even respond.. but just behave like a dead woman.. nt bcoz i want to... but its just the way it is..its just i cant even if i want to..

I am enjoying a nice bottle of wine, and watching some TV, and surfing the net. I'm 44, and I've been putting up with this nonsense for a long time from my wife. I've got kids, a mortgage, car payments, etc. etc. <br />
<br />
Honey. <br />
<br />
Baby/ <br />
<br />
You're in your early 20s. <br />
<br />
All I can say, is, **** that noise. Don't feel pity for yourself. Go do something to get what you deserve.

You are here because you are worried ... Your instincts are right.. Five, ten, twenty or more people will come along to confirm that. The relationship without affection and sex is not normal. <br />
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You are young, it may be hard to leave .. but will not be as hard as it will to stay. <br />
<br />
Best of luck

Rhea, the excuses continue forever. Please stop waiting for them to stop! You are a young woman with your whole life ahead of you. Your DH sounds like a block of wood - no passion and not even the imagination to see why the "hot and humid" remarks is so funny. . . . !!<br />
<br />
Girl, let him go. Tell him that you realise that YOU and your marriage do not figure on his radar and so you are zooming off to another place, where you WILL be on the radar of a man who truly cares for you.

@enna- thanks for your comments enna.. block of wood i wont say.. but a huge stone.. wood atleast absorb water!! he nonetheless absorbs nothing!! as you rightly said time to let it go..