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My Gay Sexless Relationship

 I have been with my partner for 22 years and we have not had sex in over 5 years.  He is my best friend and I love him dearly but I have no sexual attraction to him at all.  I also not able to talk to him about it.  I have no idea what he would think of my no strings attached sexual affairs with others.  I live in fear that he would find out about this as I know it would hurt him. 

YagNam YagNam 61-65 9 Responses Mar 5, 2008

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I know sometimes sex can be a chore and I would say relationships are ba<x>sed on ying and yang...one more sexual then the other, one more quieter than the other....but when it comes to sex and I hate to make it sound like a chore but the more sexual partner should initiate contact.... play with his genitals... and watch that little puppy rise or if not and wants to be like a women try kissing him on the back or cuddling and just keep at it until you get that thing up one inch at a time :) Other than that try to be responsible guys... and if you really need to get it out of your system, then go and play with yourself invest in some toys... I know its not the real thing but at least you wont catch an STD or HIV. One more thing we are too busy looking for a better thing that we forget what we have right in front of you. For more info on gay help I would suggest visiting the gay love coach for advice and know that you are not alone.

These life situations also tend to come about as the result of multiple problems. These sad and challenging situations can build up after so many years of the same rejections happening over and over again. <br />
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It is often not just one person's fault, but unfortunately one partner usually ends up feeling more hurt and isolated than the other. For many years in my relationship, I was rejected time and again every time I made a sexual advance toward my partner, and each time, I walked away in tears, feeling absolutely HORRIBLE!<br />
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Now the shoe is on the other foot; I have absolutely NO interest in sex with anyone, not just my partner. Each time she wants to touch or kiss me, I just want to go the other way and do something else. The weird thing is, I still feel a very deep love for her, but there is no sexual interest at all anymore. I am not doing this out of retaliation from earlier events, but I think that so many times of being rejected and deeply hurt just eventually dissolved my feelings to a certain extent. I guess I got tired of putting myself on a chopping block.<br />
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At this point, we are just room-mates and have a fairly decent friendship if nothing else, so I guess it could be worse.

Start by being honest and split up. <br />
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What the **** is up with these people who are not attracted to their mates but complain that they do not get enough marital sex? <br />
Maybe, just maaaaaybe, your mates sense your callous and fickle love.... just a thought.

I'm in the same boat. It's been almost two years since our last sexual experience and it felt awkward and strange then. Before that it was a year before that and so on. This marks our 5th year together and going on year 3 of being married. I'm frustrated, he's stressed about work, his weight, high blood pressure medication... I still wake up pitching a tent. <br />
Before meeting him I was very sexually active and now I feel like a nun sneaking off to please myself, by myself.<br />
I'm at a loss as to what to do. We've been to counseling before and it has come up but I'm not even sexually attracted to him anymore. It feels more like companionship.

These are amazing comments. All I see is deception, and justifications for deception. It never should have gotten here because the conversation should have begun by the end of the first sex-less week. Now that it is here, it is vital to have a heart to heart convo so this person's whole life is not taken up by deception. It's the right thing to do. It's a process that may begin with a degree of outrage from the person who was deceived, which CANNOT NOT be taken personal....if you understand the position that person is in. So, let them vent. Let them get it all out of their system, and be there for them. It may take months, but if you handle it with care and concern, both of you may end up as lifelines for one another to the end of time.

These are amazing comments. All I see is deception, and justifications for deception. It never should have gotten here because the conversation should have begun by the end of the first sex-less week. Now that it is here, it is vital to have a heart to heart convo so this person's whole life is not taken up by deception. It's the right thing to do. It's a process that may begin with a degree of outrage from the person who was deceived, which CANNOT NOT be taken personal....if you understand the position that person is in. So, let them vent. Let them get it all out of their system, and be there for them. It may take months, but if you handle it with care and concern, both of you may end up as lifelines for one another to the end of time.

I'm in a gay sexless relationship as well for 10 years. We have been sexless 8 out of those 10 years. We are great friends but there is no intimacy or passion in my life anymore. He is extremely stressed from work and has completely no interest in me sexully.<br />
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I have lost my attraction to him because of this. I'm just waiting until I can get out...

I agree with Lass. If he would just tell me what his problem is, at least I would know where I stand. This not talking is eating me up. I'm afraid it's to the point of no return.

My husband loves me, but sees sex as a chore. If I had an affair I would be ashamed of myself.