We Just Don't Connect.

I just can not deal with my wife.  She has so many hangups.  She smokes and gets depressed about her past. She always seems to have some physical ailment that keeps her from enjoying me or anything else for that matter, except the TV.  She shuts down routinely and make excuses for not paying attention from me.  I have gotten back in shape and work hard on my appearance.  She acts threatened by my recent effort to make myself better, but she doesn't get close to me physically nearly as often as I need.  I just want to be accepted and loved.

misterman misterman
41-45, M
7 Responses Mar 9, 2008

when the sexlessness began I was overweight and had admittely let myself go.<br />
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I lost 40 pounds, got back to my 18 yr old weight, six pack....keep myself very neatly groomed EVERYWHERE, wax my chest, keep my hair cut neatly, dress very nice everyday. All things she used to LOVE back when we met.<br />
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Now, she doesn't even notice....I would consider it a waste since I did all of it for her...but hey I feel great...except for no sex lol.

Like I said, a common problem. Proved it again just yesterday.

Geez, I think we married the same woman.

I have considered that the reality of the situation is better than it seems to me, but I also know how I feel. This is kind of an age old problem for couples I think. You don't get what you need, you get angry, your anger pushes them further away, you get more angry, etc. I have told her that we need to meet half way on this, because I know it isn't all her fault or all mine either.<br />
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I'm totally new to this so I hope this is how I'm supposed to respond to comments on my story. ??

I also know the feeling. If you ever need to chat message me, I am in the same position, it can get very frustrating and difficult at times, I breaks my heart that I try to be loving, caring and romantic but he never notices...

I understand how difficult this is and I am going through a similar situation. <br />
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I am not sure if these spouses realize that their narcissistic behavior hurts those that love them the most.

How often is often enough for you and how often is the reality?? What does she think the problem is?? What do you think is the reason for the decline in her affections??