Torn, And Broken

Since you mentioned a baby: I am having an interesting time observing my wife compensating for her lack of tenderness and affection toward me with excessive attention and permissiveness to the kid. She will probably end up spoiling him. She has declared that disciplining is exclusively her domain, so I stay out, saves me some unpleasant tasks. Luckily the marriage was as far south as possible before the kid, so I do not suffer from the common post partum husband angst owing to reduced attention from the wife, I can say "I have seen worse" under any circumstances.

You are not selfish. You are still in the marriage that shows you do love her. However you said you are thinking about sex with others and that makes you feel realy bad. I know how you feel. I gess we are normal. Take care I wish you peace.

If you Try to divorce her Or leave her and she goes to a solicitor, and she tells him Lies, as a woman Always does when you split-up, then she'll SLAY YOU in Court.........

If you wind up with anything more than your underpants then you'll be Very Lucky............

If it goes to Court - Be Afraid - BE VERY AFRAID.................. :(

lol

Yes, I was used Twice as a "***** donor", too......................... :(

Its not very nice, is it ?

She Also stole £2,555 out of my bank account,too............Along with her New bf..............

I didn't find out till 10 Years afterwards, when I went to the Bank.......... The bank only keeps "withdrawal slips" for 6 Years, so I had No Proof to show the cops, so the pair of swines got away with it................ :(

And my ex told our daughter Lies about me,and now our daughter wont talk to me, so I hope they Both ROT IN HELL...............

LOL

Sadly many moms have a perverted sense of the type and level of attention they should be devoting to the kids. Not good for the kids and disastrous for the relationship, particularly when it's festered on as yours has.



When you're ready, you can fess up to your own contribution to this debacle (at least that you have not yet confronted the issue), and start to take action. I don't think you're weak, we can all be temporarily halted by fear, normally we reach a point where the pain outweighs the fear. I'd recommend that point be sooner rather than later.

This is a happy marriage, in as much as one of the spouses is getting all THEIR needs met, and has thus far has found no necessity to attempt to meet the needs of the other spouse.



Now, if the time now is for her to find out how much effort she is prepared to put in (to meet the needs of the other spouse) the answer and results are likely to be ugly.



I think you know that, and you don't REALLY want to put that question to her at this time, as you know only too well what the likely result is. And, if the result is what you think, then it would be incumbent upon you to get pro-active about dismantling the union.



That is a pretty intimidating prospect. You DO need to pose the question. Doesn't have to be today, but the sooner the better. It won't get any easier putting it off.



Tread your own path.

Somewhere on the road, the lack of sex soured both relationship and you both became roommates. What your feeling is normal, believe me. It has happened to me. After constant rejection I began to get used to not having sex. We drifted apart. Now the thought of having sex with my husband is not appealing in anyway.

Unfortunately, once you've crossed over into the territory of disinterest and emotional detachment, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to get back to a normal sexual relationship. It's time you have a very frank discussion with your wife.

We are also in a relationship where both of us seem to have lost interest. I am very much more bothered about it than he. I am more in shape than he is... I am DESPERATE to make meaning of my life all of a sudden. I will be turning 40 next year and it seems to be that life passed me by.... I want to atleast catch the last train.

My exp so far has been, that getting them to get back into the relationship would be very contrived and humiliating if they also do not want to do it with the same intensity. It is time for you to take steps to claim your complete life back or to make a decision to live a half life. you will have to choose...

I still am baffled reading all these post how common this is. My marriage is sexless pretty much because my husband is in prison. He's been there for 19 years. We thank god have family visits and get a trailer on prison grounds for 48 hours. I would deny him nothing on those visits. We bond in ways that few people ahve ever encountered. So ask yourself this. If **** hit the fan would your wife stand by your side. If the answer is no. Then move on. Woman who control their partners through withholding sex have no clue how much damage they are doing. Your true mate could be out there and how damaged will you be whe you finally find her.

Torn,



You have reached capitulation. It comes from being hurt and humiliated when initiating intimacy over a long period of time. It also marks the beginning of the end for most of us, however this stage can last a very long time. Mine has lasted 18 years and counting.



If you wish to speed through this process open up communication with her and tell her how you feel. Find out if she feels the same. Make a decision that will make you happy. Don't just except this situation as your fate.



Good Luck!

You've taken the first step of diagnosing the state of your relationship. You've got four options.



1. Live with it

2. Try to fix the marriage

3. Get action on the side

4. Leave her



It sounds like you are pretty well set against option 1. My opinion is that option 3 is too messy, unless you get permission from her to stray (in which case, you should get it in writing for legal reasons). I'm not so sure people in SMs can keep an affair from getting too intimate to the point that it puts the final nails in the coffin and the lawyers are called.



Good luck man

The problem is that your wife does not love you. Your response is normal.



Keep rambling and eventually you will figure out what to do from here.