I Am So Tired of Not Being Loved!
Where do I start? I am 59 and have been married for 17 years. This is not my first marriage and I have tried everything I can think of to make this work. Therapy, Marriage Encounter, buying a hot tub, sexy clothing, losing weight anf keeping attractive.
I am told by others that I have a wonderful sense of humor and give off warm vibes. I am a good mother with two wonderful grown children. I am an artist and have a romantic and loving nature. My husband moved out of the bedroom into my daughter's room after she left for college. That has been over 12 years ago and it hurt me so much. I asked him why he did this and he told me that it was a bother to share a bed with me. I disrupt his sleep. I asked him to just come to bed and hold me and share some intimate time with me before he goes to his room, but I got no response.
I cannot go on like this anymore! I ache to be touched and feel so alone. Financially it would be hard for me to leave but that may change in the near future. I have not had an affair but am seriously thinking about having one. A part of me feels dead inside. Some people can live like this but I cannot anymore. The intimate side of a relationship has always been important to me.
There is a man that I have come to know as a friend and he is in the same type of marriage. We have talked about our situations and I care a lot for him. We talk and laugh about so many things and he is thinking about divorce because he cannot go on living like this also.
I have already made the emotional break with my husband but my friend is in the middle of that journey. I am ready to suggest taking our friendship to another level but hesitate for I am not sure if he feels the same. We kiss and hold each other but things have not gone any further. How do I suggest this? I want to be a little light hearted about it and not come off as needy. I am sure that he and I could have a very satisfying relationship for he is a very loving man. I have no guilt about my feelings and am a confident woman in so many ways but, because of the years of rejection from my husband, I am a little hesitant about approaching my friend with my thoughts.
I would appreciate any feedback on this. My friend and his wife have been in marriage counseling three times but his wife refuses to be affectionate and has shut him off totally. It is not that we haven't tried to make our marriages work but our partners do not want to make the effort.
I sometimes feel so alone and would appreciate any comments and suggestions on this. This life that I am living is so painful to my spirit. I wish to all of you that you find your answers on this journey.