Newly Married Without Sex
I married seven months ago. A 31 years beautiful and lovely person as they say inside-out. I happen to be sexy and with a vivid sexual desire. Bec of my traditions and commitment to religious beliefs, i abstained from sex all my life- with the hope of expressing my sexuality on marriage- which was difficult. It was a short enggagement, and for many reasons, we didn't get very initmate, or sexual.
During the first couple of months of marriage, we had sex twice a month, then every ten days, then every month, and now he has an ED. This was a shock for me, I thought that at least in the honeymoon, we would be intimate all the time and have sex everday. Is this wrong? I know that it will be heavy in the beg, then it will gradually decrease but not to the extent that we have now, nothing for the last 2 months!
I talked to him abt it, and asked for more in the begining, and discussed therapy with him. He tells me that this has put pressure on him and helped to develop the ED plus that fact that he is pressured at work and in money. For me, the pressure that he (we) are in is natural, its not like he will get fired or anything, we are just working hard to get promoted and he is actually enojoying it and the resutlts in these seven months were great! and with his sharp mind and cleverness, it will only get better for him on the professional level. That's why i can't buy that the pressure we are in is causing him ED.
I feel like I live with a room-mate, we share interests, i respect him alot, i admire his mind and love him as a friend- but as a husband, it is falling apart. I hate some of his habbits, but its nothing i can't put up with. At the begining, he got nervous from my comments on his habbits and was fiercely defesive, now after the ED, and last 2 months without sex, he is sooo nice with me. He cries of fear that I would leave him. He truely loves me. But i can't imagin a future life without sex. I on sedatives that i used to take for anxiety, they help me to face the situation and reduce my sexual apetite.
I feel so tense and depressed. On one hand i don't want to go into therapy, cuz, it seems that his libido is extreemly low by nature. It is not his fault. He will not be able to administer drugs forever, and if the ED is for psychological issues, it will take a lot of time without a gurantee for remedy or healing.
On the other hand, i don't want to give up and have a divorce. I am afriad that if i ever marry again, i will not find someone who is my friend as he is. Also, i will not be able to stay is sexless marriage. Actually, i don't go out from home and mix with people no more. I try to avoid seeing other men or seeing the way they look at me, and the sad face i get when men hear that i am married or see my wedding ring. When this happens I should feel flaterred, but i feel threatened and anxious when they do that, as is i am telling myself "you might have a chance to enjoy intemacy and sex with this guy". This threat makes me feel that i am betraying him.
Am I impatient, or unfair. To what extent should I try, or wait. I also don't want my years slip away, especially that i have no children. I want to know how to move on.