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Have Had Enough!

Been married for seventeen years and twelve years ago my husband moved into my daughter's room when she left for college.  He told me that it "bothered" him to share a bed with me!  I asked him if he could just come to bed and hold me for awhile before leaving for the other room but no response.  Sex was always alright for him but, even though I nicely asked him to do what I liked, it was always ignored, so I guess I have not missed a lot there with him.  There has been no intimacy since then.  No cuddling, just a chaste peck goodnight once in awhile.

I feel as if I am living with the brother that I never had and I am done with this life!  I don't hate him just the things that he has said and done, but I do not like him either.  We are just killing time here and he thinks it is just fine.  I am self-employed and recently had surgery and will be in rehab for some months so no income on my part.  That just adds to the problems.  He has not been very supportive and we just have given up. 

I had put all of my frustration and energy into my work for years but, over the past two years, something has shifted inside of me.  I cannot hide my hurt in my work anymore and am going to get out of this marriage while I am young enough to start over and hopefully find a man who deserves a warm, passionate, hard-working woman.  I have a great sense of humor, many wonderful friends who are a great support system, two great grown children, and a great zest for life. 

I absolutely love intimacy and enjoy giving pleasure and find that these feelings only grow stronger with time.  Sometimes I think this is some sort of karmic curse but then I would rather be this way than cold and unfeeling.  I love to cuddle and kiss and all that comes after that.  Guess I am a true romantic at heart.

I travel a lot in my business and have had so many opportunities over the years for encounters but have passed them all by.  I have even been approached by former partners from my single days to start up a relationship but haven't been tempted.  They are "former partners" for a reason!  One night stands do not interest me.  There has to be a connection first and some kind of feelings.  Kindred spirits and genuine interest and kindness.  One partner from years ago almost got to me, but in our talks, I sensed a bitterness and one time he said to me"You women are all alike!".  It was in reference to his ex wife and girlfriends but that was a huge clue into how his mind works.  I even took care of him through an illness and was treated like a maid.  Got so angry that I just had to take long drives to get away from him.  I am so glad that this happened because it taught me that I am not so desperate to take any offer even though I truly loved him years ago.  But even back then he was not good for me.  So life is a process and we learn who we are.

There is a man I have known for a long time who is starting the process of leaving his marriage too and we are great friends.  We talk about so much and share hugs and some kisses but nothing more.  Right now we need to be friends and not lovers and that is alright, but he does make my heart leap when I see him.  Who knows?  It is the best friendship I have ever had with a man and I do not want to ruin it.  I would rather have him for a lifelong friend that a brief lover.

Does this make sense?  Please respond.  Am I crazy for not making a move?

I desire a meeting of the minds.  A great sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, and someone who is also a romantic at heart and will not settle for less, for those are the qualities that I have.  Why would I want less for me than who I am? 

I have consulted an attorney and am slowly getting my "ducks in a row".  I am leaving this sham of a marriage for me and no one else.  I have even told my husband and there has been no change.  So here I sit and wonder where life will take me.  It has to be better than this.

Have any of you seen the movie "Shirley Valentine"?  My best friend gave it to me and it started me on my journey two years ago. 

To those of you out there on the same journey, I wish for you much love and happiness.  I had to learn the hard way that the first person I must love is myself. Diane

 

 

 

 

 

 

dartist dartist 56-60, F 37 Responses Mar 13, 2008

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Take strength Pilot and know that you have strength to change your life within yourself. Give to yourself and be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for any feelings of failure for it does take two to make a marriage. You may leave with feelings of anger however, with time, you can look back and remember times that were filled with laughter and joy. <br />
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People are who they are and trying to change another person is fruitless. Right now you feel emptied out but that will change. You have loved and you will love again. Heal your heart and know that the life you want is waiting for you. I did just that and know it is possible. Take the gift of your life and walk in the sunshine once again. Find your inner peace and your self value for no one can give us this but ourselves. <br />
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Never give up on who you are or what you wish for in life. It has been almost two years since I wrote this story and I am finally moving on to my new life. Much has happened over this time. Some events have been celebrations of life and some have been extremely sad and through all of this time I always have come back to the same thought. <br />
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We are put on this earth to experience it all. The joys and the heartaches. The joys help us get through the heartaches. The love and kindness of friends and strangers keep us strong. Take the joys and the love and kindness with you Pilot and never give up on your dreams. Dreams do come true. Peace,D.

I am a man and have the same situation only reversed. I travel international much of the time. . When home my wife has more interest in champagne lunces than me. se on theother hand is totally dependant on me. I have nothing left to give. I also look for a relationship with love and care, I hope you found it. i cannot go on much longer than this i feel it is time to end it all.

This creature that you live with doesn't have the right to be called a man. No real man would treat someone like that. If you don't love your partner, you try to fix it or leave.<br />
Even if there where no sexual yearnings on his part, there shouild still be agape, platonic love. If he even had this, he would not treat you like that.<br />
There is a lot of love out there, and there are people you will meet, who you will love.<br />
Good luck to you, and God bless.

I say god for you. Not happy, get the hell out. Intimacy is a very important part in a relationship. I have known people to break yp with another because there was no intimacy. We all have needs, ya know.

By reading this I can tell that you are a very intelligent and determined person. You are strong and can get through this. You deserve to be happy.

I really enjoyed reading your story. I am starting to realize that loving one's self, first, is the key to so many passages I had formerly been unable to make. Your integrity inspires me. Thanks.

I wish you the best of luck...From one who Knows.

Dear Trapped. Thank you for your comment. I will keep you updated on my new life. Going through the process. Left the marriage years ago in my heart and now just waiting to see myself clear to do this financially. Both of my children are getting married this year so I want to hold things together until they are wed. <br />
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Just got back from the dentist. Abscessed tooth and my jaw is swollen and painful. Will have a root canal in the morning. My "dear" husband was more concerned about watching tv than my pain! Jerk! He even called me while I was visiting friends and threatened to kill my cats! Didn't do this but just wanted to ruin my good time. MY best friend is a lawyer and while I was at her home she gave me some valuable legal tips which I am following. <br />
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My friend and I are just friends. He is trying to win custody of three young children and I am not taking this on. Raised my two and now it is my time to find happiness without drama. How I hate drama! Have been a caretaker all of my life and now is the time to find a partner who is an equal. Caring is supposed to flow back and forth and not be one sided.<br />
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Venting here a bit as I am in pain and put out with the jerk! I hope that you also find your own happiness when your time is right for you. We were born to experience happiness. God wants us to live happy lives. Misery and bad feelings means that we are not living our true lives. I wish for you to live your true life. I will keep you in my thoughts. Thank you again for commenting on this story. Blessings, D.

Dear Diane,<br />
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What a wonderful and intelligent woman you must be! Yes, you should pursue your dreams. You have raised your children, your husband has left "the marriage" a long time ago, and you are smart enough to demand the best for yourself which you deserve, btw. <br />
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You, my dear, have suffered enough. I feel happy for you and yet, I don't even know you. But, we are very similar women. The biggest difference is I have two much younger children that still need their mother so my place is at home. <br />
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I wish you all the best with your new friend and hope all goes well through the "division of assets." (I just hate the word divorce.) But when you're dividing things, give him your "married" bed and then let him keep his "new single life" bed as well. Buy yourself a great new bed for all your new happy memories. Buy yourself some great new lingerie for someone who will appreciate it. And enjoy those nights by the fire; cuddles on the sofa; hot, steamy baths in your jacuzzi tub; and plenty of great, fulfilling sex! <br />
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I'm thrilled just thinking about your new life. Keep us informed so we can all live vicariously through you. (It will be like the countless romantic movies I watch to drool over!) lol <br />
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I'll change my name to Diane..............hee hee hee.<br />
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Take care and enjoy a happy life for once. Don't give the old hubby your wedding ring. Sell that for new satin sheets, a matching dresser, matching curtains/valance, nightstands, etc. etc. etc. to go with your new bed! <br />
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The term 'sexless marriage' is silly. There is no such thing. I've discovered that.<br />
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Trapped.

Still working on the process of starting my new life. Being patient is hard for me at times but I am determined. Very hopeful for I see change coming now. Once it starts then the ball keeps rolling. Positive affirmations daily helps bring change about. I have learned the power in them. Blessings to you all and thanks for the comments. Looking forward to the time when I can tell all of you that I am in my new life. Exciting to think on. Exciting to plan. Life is still amazing.

he drowned a dog! I was able to read until this, because almost everything you were telling -if horrible- had happened to me. But no lover or family member had ever dared harming my dog. Once, he was kicked by a strong male stranger in the street .... and I gave him such a snap he almost knocked over his feet. Your husband is not only an idiot, but also a criminal. There are countries where torturing or deliberately killing dogs is a crime. And mine is one of them. If I was there as a whitness, I can assure you I would have called police... mental torture can be legally punished in my country.... if it' comes from a male husband or lover and the victim is a female! It's clearly absurd and unfair, isn't it? But at least torturing and deliberatelly killing dogs is legally considered a crime! I knew your ex was horribly brutal and idiot -just as some of mine- but drowning a dog is such a despicable crime I wasn't able to go on reading the story..... he just should be in prision

Hi, mum! I love Shirley Valentine. I absolutely agree with you, one night stands tend to be rather unsatisfying for many women, and I'm among them. For men, it can be different, they can be far less demanding, most seem able to feel satisfied whenever their sexual partner was pretty enough....but I'm so demanding that I prefer no intercourses at all rather than "acting" the role of a prostitute so cheap that won't even been paid money. In my case, offers of one night stands come usually from egoistic and sexually analphabetic as***** who wanted me to serve them as a sexual slave in their boring routines or ridiculous fancies regardless my own needs, likes or dislikes. Instead of giving pleasure to an often idiotic and brutal stranger who's regarding me as a prostitute so cheap that doesn't even get paid a bean, I need to feel a lot pleasure, and I,'m not talking of *******, because they are only a 10% of sexual pleasure for women. It's not a romantic stuff, but a practical one. If men don't care for you, if they actually plan not to see you again nor even having a second "round", they won't bother themselves being good lovers. If you get so dissapointed you don't want to see them anymore, it's even better for them.... well, it doesn't have to be necessarily this way, but it is how things happened almost a 9% if times in my case.... when you are suffering from the extremely painless desire of feel loved and desired, when you're longing for warmth, the worst experience you can have is precisely the chilling coldness of a one night stand!

Your story was very inspirational to me because im in a very similar one. Don't cheat, you will never be able to forgive yourself, and you'll give him leverage over you. Never give a man anything to hold over your head, and not to stereotyp, it goes both ways. So if your gonna cheat, just get out the relationship, then it won't be cheating. I don't see how people cheat and remain in contact with their significant other, how could you look into their eyes knowing what you've done. That is very painful when he/she finds out, and they almost never get over it. They may forgive, but they'll never forget, and you'll be stuck living with that guilt for the rest of your life, and that's a human killer within itself. So get out if you feel the need to cheat!!!! It's not worth hurting yourself or anyone else over. Just make sure getting out is what you really wanna do, before you decide. Cheating is a powerful thang, and it hurts!!!

Thank you for this comment. I am trusting in God and allowing Him to guide my path. Much is clearer in my life now and I am happy in knowing that I am walking the right path in life. God is love and because of this He wants us to live our lives filled with love and kindness. Anything else does neither Him nor us any service. Blessings to you.

The physical attraction between a man and a woman must not be mechanical.If they do not connect spiritually, eveything will be fleeting emotions and excitments.I believe more than ever that the problems and conflicts in marriage start before marriage.There is the right man and the right woman for each one of us.Nobody knows her or him.Only God knows him/her.There is God.He is real.He is the Reality.We donĀ“t know the Reality.The Reality is God.So your situation can change.God knows you inside.He loves you whoever you are.Let me say to you:God will make a way where there seems to be no way.You do not need to think of divorce.There is no divorce or separation.We are one.Nobody can flee from him or herself.Just now you have the solution to your problem and the desire of your heart.God bless you richly.

Thank you for this and all of the encouraging comments on this story. I draw so much strength from all of you. It is like a well that never runs dry. Blessings and warm wishes.

I will keep you in my prayers and God will show you the way.<br />
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Keep the faith!<br />
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Don't ever give up!<br />
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Everyone has their cross to carry.<br />
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I am truly sorry that you have to go through this.<br />
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You sound like a beautiful person, inside and out.<br />
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If only your husband saw that in you? <br />
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God Bless You ! May He send you angels to protect you.<br />
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Take care of yourself. *HUGS*

Shirley took her future into her hands and became a happy and contented woman. I wish the same for you and you paid me the ultimate compliment by saying that you wish to be adopted by me. Consider it done! Now I have three daughters and I love every one of you. Blessings and peace.

By the way, I do love Shirley Valentine.....<br />
As some other fan of yours told, I feel a bit as if I were your daughter.... I wish I was "adopted" by you....<br />
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And I wish I learned to prevent anger to prevent me enjoying life<br />
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But I must admit i also love "she-devil"....too

i didn't take the time to know more about you, dear, I've just read this story of yours and felt absolutely sympathetic. I experienced a very similar thing, and felt and thought in a similar way. You know the trouble wich brought me to EP was my family dissafection, but what i didn't tell yet is that I also was rejected as a woman and as a human being by someone. An incredibly narcisistic one, brutally indifferent, rough, egoistic.... extremely fond of his rodicuolus and empty self....<br />
I learned from him how not to love and even how not to desire.... I'm absolutly healed of that unundestandable wanting of such a "thing" (don't want me to call that a man!)....<br />
The probleme is that, when I had to escape from my mother and family and had nowhere to go with my dog no economical means or public help, I HAD TO go back to his home. Because it belongs to his dad and his dad offered help to me.... Now I have to live in the same home and I don't even mind seeing condoms in the bathroom every time I go to the toilet (and remembering that while we lived together he always "missed" them as an excuse for not making love ). I can also stand acting as a maid for him. His father has to act like a maid to. <br />
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What can't stand are his manners. I treats me (and his father) as despicable bacteraie or something like that. He has money but let his father or me pay anything. He's off duty 21 hours per day and helps nothing at all in housekeeping. But his (its) manners are killing me. I,m temporally here as a war refugee, and it's too hard to be treated as an outsider.... as an inferior one....just as in my own "HOME".... three minute ago I had just went our to walk my dog and didn't find my purse (whith all my cards, documentation, etc in). For two minutes I was afraid i had let it in the street on on a park bench and trying desperately to find it by the hall, sittingroom...He shouted at me for being (rather quietly opening and opening and closing room's doors while he watched a DVD on the tv. I excused me (I thing I've just lost my purse with all my things inside). He told me to stop, I repetared i had to find my purse or go back to the street at once before somebody stealed it, then he shouted "Shout up!<br />
That's the way he treats me. I can't get divorced or split because there's nothing between us but my homelessness and his father's hospitality....Of course I tried hard to get some social help before I finally came here again some 40 days ago, but I cannot because I'm not unemployed (believe or not, my salary can afford a rent room in a shared flat -or- food, locomotion, phone and tobacco expenses, but NOT BOTH. so, if I rented a room I probably couldn't EAT three times a day...)<br />
I am lost in life, I know I should do something, yes, I'm also looking for another job, but it is not easy, and my doctor advice is rather getting a health leave rather than a new job....<br />
Well, my extremely serious anxiety has driven me into a amood wich left me whitout any friend, my mother's lies and calumniae have left me without any family support... please don't call me a coward, I don't know what to do and rejected doctor's offer of a temporal health leave... my job contrats expires in three months and I decided to keep woprking and doing the best i could while staying here and trying to save as much money I can just for the sake of my immediate future...<br />
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Oh, excuse me! All this comment was to be about how bad a woman can feel when rejected as a woman and a human... by any brutal selfish unsensitive man... I apologize, and ressume my point: my dear diane, I wanted to tellyou I know how it feels, I understand you and sympathize... it's not sex, and I absolutely agree with you in avoidind one nighnt stands (when emotional cold is chilling your heart to death, there's nothing worse than that: one night stands are one of coldest experiences and that would be like committing suicide.... I just could'n stand more chilling cold....It's no sex....How much I need a friend to make me feel the world as a warmer place!<br />
I most sincerely wish you the best, dearest Diane

The best advice ... love yourself first!<br />
Hope you made it.<br />
You give us all encouragement!<br />
Blessings

I will pray and ask the Lord and the Creator to protect you dartist. You need to know that we are on your side. I Love your spirit and your ability to still see some good in your husband. That forgiving quality of yours is a lot of the Creator in you.<br />
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I believe that before we enter this life we chose our trials and victory's. If we make it thru our choices successfully we go higher on the spiritual ladder - you must have set some really lofty goals, dartist! But that just means you do have the strength to undure and be victorious. <br />
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I actually feel sorry for your husband ... in a way...He is hast lost something so precious. He won't actually realize this until you are gone. But that is the nature of the true gifts that you must use them or lose them. I know you won't believe this but usually what happens in these type situations is that he will come begging. I hope that you do not return to him, but, that is not my judgement to make - only yours. But, if you do return to him, please 1st lay down some rules that he has to stick by. And, please test him on his ability to abide by them over a long period of time. Hs is pretty slippery, remember?<br />
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I want you to know that I admire your strength, courage, and your will to have a good life no matter what has transpired. To me you represent the Creator in action in the Earth. Your life reminds me of the true changing of the seasons. Spring will be here, soon. I hope you will be free to start fresh again like those most noble flowers of the Creator ... TREES. They are the most beautiful flowers of the Earth, to me. They weather the storms, rains, blizzards, and the good weather, too! But they come back better and stronger each Spring and so will you, my friend.<br />
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Peace Light and Love to You.

I understand what you are saying to me and I have this legal matter to take care of for I am self employed and do not have any income due to my injury in 2007. Life was good for me financially before I was hurt and I did see a divorce attorney and was putting in to motions plans on leaving him and then my life drastically changed. Have used up all my resources in the past year due to my inability to work. Do have an attorney working on my case with my injury and there will be a resolution this year. Have to maintain my life here for the present and it is hard. Feel as if I am walking on a tightrope and am fighting to maintain balance in my life. . Never ever imagined my life would be so compromised at this point. <br />
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I was raised in an abusive household and saw my mother beaten at knife point and threatened with a gun numerous times. My father was an alcoholic. Funny that I used to think everyone lived this kind of life. Was told that as long as a husband worked and brought home the paycheck that it was acceptable for a wife to put up with a lot. Things like this were not talked back then and I am thankful that my children did not take the same path that I took. My one prayer was that I could live to see them grow up to be loving and have good partners and they have done this. So in this respect, I have done what I set out to do. Now I will find my own happiness and peace of mind for me. It is a slow process but I am determined to succeed. <br />
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For years I was ashamed to let others know what I have endured. Piled on the guilt and thought I could make my life better by sheer will. Always worried about others problems and shut down thoughts of my own. It was only after my injury that I started taking a long hard look at my life. I could no longer bury myself in my artwork. Before I was hurt, I could travel and get my pats on the back from my customers and had an independence that kept me going. Could bury my real life in my creative spirit. <br />
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So when I was no longer able to get away from here, I then found EP one night when I was searching for answers and the people here have helped me so much. Given me strength and determination. Reinforced my feelings about what I must do. As soon as I am able to do so, I am out of here and it will probably be a quick move. I do have a support system available to me. Change is hard at my age but my things do not mean much to me anymore. My house does not mean much either. It is just a place where I lay my head at the present time.<br />
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For the past months, I have been having dreams about a small place somewhere safe and warm that I can call my own. Just living a simple life with my animals and and my books and a few items that mean something to me. A place where I can invite my children and friends to come and visit me and share in laughter and good feelings. A home studio where I can do my artwork and some writing. Take time to be on my own and regain my footing in life. <br />
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This process is hard and patience is hard. Right now my life is in a sort of limbo but I do have a plan and with God's grace I will accomplish my dreams. I do believe in the circle of life. That what goes around, comes around. Even opening up my life to others was a huge step for me to take but what I have found in doing so is compassion and a lot of encouragement and understanding and I am so thankful for this. More than I can write to all of you. <br />
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Something that I hope will happen through my sharing of my life is that anyone here going through the same things will realize that life does not have to be this way. We all deserve to be loved and accepted for who we are. Piling on guilt does not help anyone of us. <br />
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I got into this marriage thinking it was going to be for the rest of my life or I would have never chosen to take this step. Wanted my children to have a stable life and go to good schools and get an education. Now I choose to be alone by choice and not life a life with someone where I feel so alone. Knowing that that is coming is what keeps me going through these hard times. Knowing that others understand my pain is what keeps me focused. I am looking forward to the day when I can write the good news that I am out of my life here and starting the beginning of my new life. <br />
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This January I started emotionally shutting down and reading these latest comments on my story has inspired me to not give in to the dark side. I feel my determination coming back strongly and I thank you. I really needed this a lot. Needed to open up more and regain my fighting spirit. Spring is coming. The rebirth of so much. The rebirth of life and hopes and dreams. Thank you for encouragement. Thank you for reading my story.

Listen, sweetie! It only matters what you think, really. You are going to have to heal your spirit as much as you can because your body responds more deeply to how you feel when there is an injury.<BR><BR>I will not judge your husband no matter how much I want to, but I am going to ask you if there is someplace else you can stay...with family, friends, even something smaller than a house, of course? Our surroundings have a lot to do with how well and fast we heal.<BR><BR>Sometimes we have to learn to do with less when a change is indicated in our life. I hear so much compassion in your story for your husband. But, I do not hear any compassion for yourself in this situation. Its almost like you are taking this punishment because you think your erroneous judgement caused your downfall in this loveless marriage. Give all those feelings back to him, sweetie. Please Stop beating yourself up. No one deserves this type of treatment! Do you hear me? NO ONE!<BR><BR>You blame yourself for not knowing about the lie your husband acted out before your marriage. There is no way we can know everything there is to know about a person before we live with or marry them. We are trusting them to be what they said they would be, okay. He out and out lied. There is no way to control anothers' deception. You cannot blame yourself for that at all. This does not mean that you are a bad judge of character, either. It just means he conned you into this marriage, period. He is probably wondering why you have stayed all this time. <BR><BR>I don't know what he is into because I don't understand the blanks in your last entry. But you should find another way to live away from him, immediately. Your atmosphere is not condusive to growth. I mean really, what else do you need to learn from this situation???<BR><BR>You are a lovely soul. You have to protect your gifts in life. He has been and will continue to stomp all over them if you let him. If he has separated himself from the marriage bed...what is stopping him from leaving you whether you are financially able to fend for yourself or not? How do you know this is not the plan? I really hate to ask this, but does he have life insurance on you?<BR><BR>From all outward appearances it looks as though he is not through hurting you. You are still in his life because he needs someone he can kick when he gets ready. Please get away from him. Some people find pleasure in destroying beautiful things, souls, spirits, and lives. And, anyone who would kill a poor defenseless animal is not someone you should be sharing a house with at all.<BR>I would be physically afraid of this person all the time.<BR><BR>Prayer and self work are always things you can and should do. But in this situation my advice would be to find a kitchenette somewhere and start living again. Work out a amicable divorce from a place of your own phyiscal safety and good retreat. You will be starting over, yes. The new place you create may not be as grand as where you now reside. But it will be happy, safe and full of the Light and Love you create.<BR><BR>When you find your hand in the Lions' mouth. You have to gently and slowly get your hand free, and then run like the dickens to a safe place. Be thankful for your escape and go on with living the life you were promised by the Creator.<BR><BR>Peace Light and Love to You.

Of course there are two sides to any story and my husband surely has his take on the breakdown of our marriage. As time has gone, I am finding out the main reasons that he married me and they are not what I thought at all.<br />
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He wanted to buy a quad cab pick- up truck and talked about this at length. For over a year he mentioned this particular type of vehicle and I decided to drive our old truck to the dealers and see what kind of deal I could make as a surprise for him. Found a truck that my husband liked and we bought it. He seemed very happy and gave me a huge kiss and hug. That weekend we drove the truck to a classic car show run by good friends of ours. Of course everyone was making over the new truck and mentioned to my husband how lucky he was to have a wife that cared for him so much that she would do this for him. He stood there in silence and then said "The only reason I married her is because I had to find another place to live!". Dead silence. Then, even worse, looks of pity for me. I was embarrassed.and walked away feeling as alone as I have ever felt. <br />
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I used to travel to other states to do art shows before my injury. Was coming back home in a terrible ice and snow storm and had to find a place to stay about half way home. Called him repeatedly to tell him that I was not able to make it home as the roads were closed and he never answered the phone. Made it back a day late and when I walked into the house, I asked him if he was worried about me and he just looked at me with a blank ex<x>pression of his face. Then he told me that I could take care of myself and was not concerned at all! <br />
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My husband also drowned my pet dog in front of me and my children because he became angry when she got loose and ran over to the neighbors yard. He has called me and other women the foulest names. Has run off the road and threatened to run our vehicles into the backs of other cars when we are out driving to frighten me. I have witnesses to these events so here is part of his side of this marriage validated by others. Yes, I finally turned away from him and am biding my time presently until I can financially work my way free. He did choose to leave the marriage bed and have his own room and now I am glad for I found out a lot about him after this fact. He is into **** and has a "friend" at work. I was very ill the first of January and woke up in severe pain and told my husband that I had to go to the ER and get some help and he sat in his chair and complained about the $50.00 cost of the ER visit. I had to drive myself there alone and was given a shot of morphine for the pain. Had to call my daughter and her fiance to come and get me and drive my vehicle back to my house. I would never treat my husband in this way and this caused a huge rift between him and my children. <br />
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I blame myself for this terrible marriage too because he presented himself as the most loving and kind person when we were dating for almost a year. Had me totally fooled and it was only after we were married, that this other side started emerging. Why couldn't I see this at the time? I do not know. However I do know that I have given this my best and tried to communicate my feelings over and over and nothing changes. <br />
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I take everyone's comments to heart and think about what you all say to me. Do not get offended by questions or any comments for everyone has a right to their opinions here. I am not even writing this to defend myself for it is not necessary. Just giving a little more information on my situation. It is natural to ask about his side of the marriage and I appreciate this for I finally opened up a bit more in this comment. <br />
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My husband is a hard worker and has been fairly good with raising my children. We were a pretty good team in this and I tried not to turn them against him but they saw too much over the years. Are grown and formed their own opinions about my marriage. <br />
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My injury in November of 2007 has put a slow down to my plans to work myself free of him. Life continues to be very hard but I have faith and wonderful children and friends who stand by me and give me emotional support. I do not hate my husband. Rather I hate the things he has done over the years. It is not in my nature to hate. Emotionally, I am drained and do not seem to be physically healing as well as I should. See a therapist and she helps me a lot. Spend a lot of time thinking about my choices in life and where I want to be in the future. At the present time, there is a lot to overcome but I am determined to have a better life for myself. <br />
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All I can write here is what I have experienced. My thoughts and feelings. I do not know what my husband thinks for we no longer even try to talk about anything but the most basic parts of life. So this last comment has opened me up to some venting about my life and perhaps this is good. I am remaining hopeful about my future.

Everyone deserves to be happy.

I think some people, men and women are not able to be sexual. Some do not even like it or think it is base and grimey. Somewhere in their life they were taught that sexual contact was dirty.<BR><BR>We are attracted to them because they seem clean, fresh and have a type of innocence about them. We overlook their meaness most of the time because they give the impression of being true, solid, and trustworthy people. Usually they are but the closeness, intimacy, warmth of phyiscal contact, and complete sharing of life is just not there or available to us. I think sometimes they did have a love that somehow failed and they are no longer available to anyone else. They refuse to be alone so they have relationships that are cold and unloving with no regard for the present person in their life.<BR><BR>I am glad you chose life. Please continue not to cheat. I believe you will be able to have all that you desire. Life is meant to be a celebration peace, light, and much love. Everyone has a natural human right to fight for the best life he or she can have.<BR><BR>I do not know why we stay in loveless relationships. I think it has something to with a fear of failure. Human geings do not like to admit any failure. But sometimes the failures teach us more about ourselves than our wins. The biggest failure though is accepting less than what we want and deserve in the name of some nonexisting relationship we want say is a relationship. In this instance we are only fooling ourselves. <br />
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We must come to grips with our own failure in not seeing this unloving person for what they truly are and what deficits they represent in the relationship then we can pull free. To stay in a doomed situation when you have tried your best is accepting a life of failure as your plight. Get out and Live. No day that we have in this life is promised to us, not one minute. So hurry up and starting living the life you dream about, today.<BR><BR>Peace and Much Much Love to You.

Thanks to you who have picked my story as one of the best on EP. Life continues to be a challenge but it is the same for all of us here. This could be an illness or financial problems. Problems with children or friends who have betrayed us. It does not matter. Hurt is hurt and pain is pain. <br />
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Who can truly know what people go through unless we have walked in their shoes? All over the world something has shifted. Friends are worried about their pensions and health care. Retirement will not be possible for some of us. So many problems with out clear cut answers face us now.<br />
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I live in America and do not take this lightly. We have been a beacon for the world but sometimes, we take all of the blessings here for granted. I do not know if I would want to live anywhere else? Yes, my country has its problems but I hope and pray that the world will still think of the American people as being caring and kind instead of looking at our politics and judging all of us who continue to strive to lead good decent lives. <br />
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Since I wrote my story so many months ago, I have grown as a person. I have made many wonderful friends here on EP. My journey continues and I wish all of you many blessings as you continue on your journeys.

I am still going through this process. My injury has slowed up my progress some what but I am determined to end things here so that I can start my new life. I appreciate all of you who commented on my story and asked how things are going for me now? It is one day at a time now. <br />
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Today my husband forgot to get fuel for the furnace and I almost froze in this house! When he came home, his comment to me was this. "The dog is not cold!" Not one word for my discomfort! I guess if the dog had been cold then he would have thought that there was some problem. Just one more nail in the coffin!

I don't know if I can speak for anyone else here but when you said "I feel as if I am living with the brother I never had" the line hit me because I used to feel the same way about my wife. For a while it felt like we were "playing house" or were roommates rather than husband and wife. She has picked things up a bit in the loving department but we still do not have sex. If it ever gets to the point where I need to move to another room I will just move out. I mean seriously, if he is that unhappy there is no need to stay in a miserable relationship with him. Don't cheat on him though... you're better than that. Just use the thought of a new life of freedom as a springboard to move on to your new life without him. You deserve to be loved in a physical and spiritual sense.