More Than Just Sex
Having been in my sexless marriage far longer than I should, I have come to some important realizations recently. So I am just sharing here.
I tried for the past several years to resurrect my marriage and turn it into the passionate marriage I long for. This frustrating and futile journey has taken me thru a wide range of emotions, from thinking I was somehow at fault, unattractive, unwomanly enough to attract my husband, to trying everything imaginable to “get him to change”, to depression (fortunately short-lived) to resentment, to my present state of actual peace that I am not the one with the problem, I cannot change him, I am 100% in charge of how I feel.
I have a firm exit plan, and it feels pretty darn good. As I look back, he never was want I really wanted in a man. Silly of me to try to “get back” something that was never there. I have put much thought into just exactly what I want from my life. In no particular order, I have my wish list. I don’t expect all, I hope for most, I am realistic, and flexible. But above all, just checking all the boxes, or even most, is not really it. IT is that warm and fuzzy feeling, just to love each other so fully, to lust after each other every minute of everyday. To just want to throw our arms around each other the moment we are together again after being away, and have that feeling last forever.
I also now know what I don’t want, but this is my “wants” wish list. This is not my order form, and I don’t want everyone to waive their hands wildly screaming; It’s me! I want to hear what some of everyone else’s “wish lists” are, what you think is important to you. Heck I may add some things as I go along, or move some things down my list of importance.
I am in no hurry to find him. I just know that “the one” is out there, and I hope I will just know when he comes along.
So here I go….
Honest - with himself, and of course me. Authentic and true.
Caring – I want someone that really know my feelings, and wants to make me happy
Affectionate – He must like sex as much as I do. Not going to make that mistake again. But so much more than just sex.
Faithful and loyal – I want just one man. I want him to want me, just me, as his woman.
Intelligent – I just need to have someone to challenge me, more than keep up, stimulate me mentally.
A man of faith - I have fairly recently rediscovered my faith in Christianity. It has been hugely strengthening to me. It is important to me to share this path.
A giving and skilled lover – My needs are important, but so are his. I consider myself quite talented, and I want at least similar skills.
Motivated – Goals, dreams, desires to be successful. I want us to share, and grow and accomplish together.
Confident – I find a confident man so sexy. Secure in himself. Even a bit of an ego is far better than a wimpy guy.
Leader – I want my man to be a man. Decisive, respect me, but also lead me. This is hard to explain.
Playful – I love to laugh and have fun.
Adventurous – I love to travel. I love to do new things. Especially in the bedroom. So many things….mmmm.
Strong – In good shape, I’d love mr buffed, but beer gut slobs, don’t think so.
Secure – In himself, but also for me to just feel safe, no worries about him letting me down. Dependable.
I could go on, and I definitely have a “do not want” list, but that is for another time. As I say, I am in no hurry. I don’t want to really start anything before I have completed my exit plan. I really considered an affair, or FWB thing, but that is not who I am. I could not feel right about that, and I want someone I fully connect with, mind, spirit and body. To complete me and I complete him.
I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I will just trust, and hope, that when it does I will just know, as will he.
OK, too much to ask for? This is my wish list. I girl is entitled to her dreams, but dang it, I am so ready.
Many of you apparently have missed the part that I said this is my "Wish List". Some things ARE NEGOTIABLE, some are not. I'll let you guess, but I'll give you a hint.... they are at the beginning.