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Omg!

**** you for not getting off your *** and taking care of yourself.

**** you for staying in a medicated stupor for years and having little to no interaction with me or the kids.

**** you for letting the overuse of narcotic painkillers render you a sexless dolt.

**** you for getting mad at me because I've had enough and detached from you physically and emotionally.

**** you for being mad at me because I don't want you to touch me anymore. Tough ****.

**** off with your childish attitude because I WANT OUT and don't want to live in a dysfunctional relationship for the next 30+ years.

**** you for being mad at me because I didn't take you up on your offer for a back rub the other night and now I'm using the back massager for my sore-*** shoulder.

**** you for putting all the blame on me for this ****** up marriage.

**** you for making me feel guilty because I'm unhappy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, I'm a big chicken.

/rant
MissLee MissLee 46-50, F 19 Responses Aug 20, 2011

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" **** you for making me feel guilty because I'm unhappy." Priceless.<br />
Isn't that sick and twisted?<br />
MY h's favorite accusation: "YOU JUST DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE HAPPY!"<br />
wft?!!! <br />
(Me to myself: "No, no, throwing briks is not a good idea, walk away walk away, don't snap don't don't...ok, fumes are passing. Eyes on the prize....dear, you just don't know how happy I could go and get. Don't tempt me.)

ML...I see you responded above that "there is someone else"....GOOOD FOR YOU Honey... I'm Happy for you that you've found he/she out there!!!!!!! (((Hugs))))

I do, and it's someone from my past (25 years ago). He's been truly awesome beyond words.

make your self happy first

Of course you are chicken--we all hate to run around in constant turmoil and want to avoid more of the same. It is hard to just not say --why did you only think of yourself and put us all through this! If you loved me you would put forth some effort--but you don't CARE enough. That is why you have to go out into the world and see if there is someone who would care enough to put forth some effort. Even by yourself would be so much better--at least the ball and chain would not be dragging you into the pit with him

There is someone who does care, and that makes this even more depressing.

Now I am smiling at you MissLee!

A key thing to remember in these situations is that any offers the spouse makes (including attempts at behaviour change) that result from being told that you are LEAVING, are in NO way about YOU! These changes are about the spouse (once again)! They are made to keep you in the relationship, NOT because the person is seeking to make you happier. Or to address the issues that are causing unhappiness in the relationship.<br />
<br />
These actions are usually too late . . .and the refused person has to deal with the added burden of being accused by the Refuser:<br />
"I tried to do what you wanted but it STILL wasn't enough. . . !!"<br />
- thus adding significantly to the guilt already being felt.

Yes, yes, yes! Exactly! :(

Excellent point Enna and ever so true!

so so true!

Keep the anger ML. It will help you on your way out the door. You have no reason to feel guilty for being unhappy. You're not to blame for his refusing. You do have the right to want out to be able to have happiness and love and whatever else you desire that you aren't getting right now. I wish you all the joy love and happiness out there.

Thanks, jacee. :)

Carolina, venting here does help alleviate some of the anger and frustration. :)

Ulae, I get what you're saying, but I can't understand why you would martyr yourself. Are you truly happy? I suppose if you are genuinely happy then more power to you, but you don't appear that way (from the way you write).

Goes without saying I'm sorry about your predicament. However, consider that many of us are stuck with folks that are in excellent health and have no medical issues whatsoever...and are still less interested in intimacy than your spouse. Life sucks, and then you die.

WOW...you told him for sure. I bet he got the message LOUD & CLEAR, esp if you told him like your story was indicating. After all these XXXX him's, he's gotta feel like a *****...LOL<br />
GOOD LUCK ML, You certainly deserve MUCH MUCH BETTER, and it's out there for you honey.....(((HUGS)))

Haha....No, I didn't tell him that to his face. I'm too chicken. That's why I vented here. ;-)

I'd like to print your post out in big font, fr<x>ame it and hang it on the wall. With just a couple minor changes it would fit my situation perfectly too. Even so, they still wouldn't get it. Keep ranting until it's time to start exiting! Hopefully it won't be long.

Haha.....that is awesome, Waiting.

Yeah, but he quit his meds since I told him I want a separation. Now I have ALLLLLL his attention. Ugh.

Yeah MissLee, but we know it's way too late for that now. He may start to comprehend this simple fact once you've settled into your new place. Don't stop now.

You are young still and have a lot offer. Go while you can-you have paid more than your share of dues

OHgh, ****! Too little too late? Damn :)

Yeah MissLee. **** him, and not in a good way. You deserve to be happy. Time for you to take responsibility for your happiness and leave him to medicate himself into a stupor. He is not your responsibility anymore.

You all are correct, of course. I was very pissed last night and had to blow off steam. Also, having this anger from time to time helps keep my eye on the "prize." I know that sounds sick, but oh well. It is what it is.

I hope you get your prize before the game is over. What these refusers do to us is so unfair. Just get out as soon as your can.

Good Luck

Thanks. :)

Tough talk from a very nice person. Don't want tot state the obvious but you are ******* yourself by staying in your relationship. So **** him and get the hell out. You deserve to be happy as we all do. I am moving forward and know it is not easy, but we can do this. <br />
<br />
Good luck

ML - Nothing like a pissed off attitude to get you motivated! <br />
<br />
Now just try not to choke him until his eyes pop out and focus that enraged energy on moving on in your life. <br />
<br />
You are so ready.

Yes! **** him! With something hard and sand papery!!! <br />
<br />
It sounds like you're ready to leave to me, too.

Miss Lee,<br />
<br />
It's okay. You can leave now. Our stories have so much in common. I was just re-reading an old one yesterday. I thought my NXH wouldn't make it without me. I was wrong. Life was merely less convenient for a bit. I guess the drugs take the edge of the emotional pain too. <br />
<br />
Princess YoureAllowedToLiveToo

this is for all the he-man guys out there who think they are tough and do not need to work out or eat healthy...this woman is talking to you!