He Walked Out

Geez, this guy is really creepy. Be glad you are getting out.

my first refuser walked out after ten years.............I got home from work all his things were gone! he left a dear Jane letter ................. of course it was all my fault he wrote in the 3 page letter............ I had found a pair of shorts he left behind, I took then out to the yard with a large dinner plate and burnt them a symbolic fire...... bye bye *** hole .........



later I got on the computer and wrote to all my friends who knew of the a hole ............ I wrote...... ELVES HAS LEFT THE BUILDING LOL

Good riddance! Time to count your blessings. Change your locks or better yet, move to a new location. Don't be a doormat for him when he comes rebounding back. If you feel peace now that he's gone, than so be it. Good luck my friend.

Honestly Rall, this sounds a bit odd to me. It kinda gives me a weird feeling too.



You damn well better change your locks/alarm system for your own safety, and not care what he thinks or feels about it. Then followed by an EPO if he comes around to intimidate you.



I hope for you, he enjoys his own space so much - he stays gone.



{{{Hugs}}}



WC

Make your move before he makes his move. Next step for him is support your the main bread winner and you might end up paying him a monthly support. While he's enjoying sex with another women. As long as he stays single. This walking out has effects on the wage winner.

Rall.....I am so happy that you are being given the opportunity to have the wonderful life you so deserve to have. Maybe when things settle down you should send him a thank you note for taking the step that led you to your new wonderful life. Best wishes for a wonderful happy future that now lays ahead of you.

sorry I have not been following this, but wow..he played right into your hands, what a duffus!

Did he think you would beg him to stay..apparently not, if he went to the trouble of removing your name from his Credit cards? this is strange. I say change the locks....throw his stuff in the yard with a big..Free!! sign on it and get to the Lawyer!

Dear Rall,

Well, this is a first for me on EP I think! I thought I'd read every possible version of SM and how it manifests itself in people's lives, but I think your husband may yet be due an "Enna Award" for originality!!! lol Solving the SM problem by the REFUSER leaving is certainly a creative solution - especially when it is the Refuser who makes the moves!



Take your time now to consolidate Rall. You seem to be doing brilliantly on all fronts, but inside you must feel very betrayed, hurt and astonished by his behaviour. Even when you know someone very well and KNOW what they are capable of, their behaviour can still blindside you at times. Your husband has attempted to create a "coup" by his behaviour, but in fact, all he has done is abdicate any position he did hold in your life.



You've had great advice here and you are obviously coping amazingly well. I think it is important for YOU that you don't rush things - do what you have to do, but DON'T feel t all has to be done immediately.



And take Wisi's excellent advice about the extra lock. And once in place, ensure you have it engaged at ALL times when you are in the house. That way, if he makes an unannounced return, he will HAVE to knock on the door for admittance. And be sure he WILL be back! That is his certain intent. To give you a few days to really understand how much you miss him, to realise what an AWFUL person you have been, and to resolve to NEVER question him again!! I'm sure he thinks this will be accomplished inside a week - so be certain he WILL be back very very soon. Don't allow that to happen.



He has handed you control - be sure to hold onto it now. You don't have to be vindictive or nasty - just clear, firm and unemotional (in so far as you can!). And know we are all here for you. {{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}

and please do change the locks too.

I don't think honestly he does not love you by doing that to you because that is just wrong 100%, However, everyone a male or female should always respect each other and not do something like this. It looks like he was playing a very harsh game and then he comes back by saying he was doing this because he loves you..... I am sorry you deserve better than this guy.

Great story. Congratulations on the freedom and your wonderful attitude.

He walked out now just do yourself a favor and make sure that he stays out. He's made his choice so who could fault you for just helping him live up to his choices. You've put up with too much garbage to even think about letting Loser Boy come back and mess up your life further, the feeling of peace and contentment that's with you now is a sure sign that you know that's what needs to be done on a permanent basis. Get the locks changed and make arrangements to move on. He seems to think that he's indispensable in your life but it's time you proved him wrong. You haven't anything to feel guilty about this infant has made his choice it's up to you to let him live with it. He thin ks you need him desperately and will come crawling to him begging for him to take you back. Time to deliver a very big shock to his system, you don't need that at all. You are a woman and you can take care of yourself perfectly well without him and he's about to find out that he's no longer necessary in your life so bets are he will be begging you to take him back but you would be foolish if you do, his past history shows him to be a loser and unworthy of you. So get on with your life and start being the you that you were meant to be before Loser Boy showed up and messed things up.

absolutely...change the locks, no question. Better safe than sorry. He's CRAZY!!!!

Rallacious: I"m sitting here, laughing my *** off in empathy with you! OMG, I think you are the master judo flip queen. He thinks he's pullilng one off on you??? ROTFLOMG!!!!!

Change those locks, honey... how is that "harsh" compared to his performance. Hello!!



Oh... and congratulations!!! Freedom!!

Wow, well it's obvious you're a very strong woman. Funny how he thought you'd be an emotional wreck.. I think that's what he was hoping you would do. The less you show you care, the less important he will feel. The opposite of love isn't hate, but indifference afterall. Good luck. And just curious.. how long have you been married?

I agree with the rest, change the locks. I don't know your exact situation, but consider moving to a different location if you can. Wouldn't that be great if he came to abuse you some more and you where not available. I would change my phone number and file for divorce. It is time for you to move forward.



Good luck

I agree with everyone here who says to change the locks...immediately!! This is not harsh, what he has done is harsh! He walked out, there is no reason for him to have free access to YOUR home!



You say you're still paying the bills...I hope this does not include any bills that are his alone. Do not continue to support him financially! Pay only what you are responsible for.



See your lawyer ASAP and move towards getting this bum out of your life!



Continue to enjoy the peace that comes from not living with a refuser spouse. Good luck to you as you move forward!!

He left, so just go ahead and file, Rally. You said it all when you said that the last 2 days had been the most peaceful you've had in a long time.

You have been given a precious gift-- FREEDOM! You don't have to agonize anymore about leaving-- that decision has been made. Now, do you have the courage to embrace this gift? Do you have the courage to accept your husband's gift and start your new life? I don't think so. If you did, then you would have changed the locks, made an appointment w/ the attorney and you would not be thinking about what will happen when hubby returns. It is a shame that you are going to waste this rare and almost divine opportunity.

I just finished reading your posts, going back to 2009, on this.



It is a sad story, and I wish I could give you a hug. Kudos to you for sharing the whole saga with us.



And sadly, I do agree with other posters here that you must change the locks immediately.



It's time to let go.



One conclusion I do see from this: A sexless marriage is usually a marriage in trouble. It's not just a mismatch of libidos.

He can't walk back into your house (and your life) and magnanimously annouce anything if you change the locks!



And you are financially supporting him per your statement: " I will keep covering the bills of course."

Why? His financial situation just became his problem when he walked out. But you are already planning to enable him and rescue him per your statement: "at which point I will be at square minus one, as him leaving a second time would be highly unlikely (due to his financial situation)."



You are not planning on exiting this SM anytime soon because you two are still playing games to see who is going to be in control.



Have fun!

How about don't change the locks - just add a new one! That way you can say it was for security as you were now alone in the house!

I'm pleased for you! Tell me how you did it!!!!



Change the locks.

His little stunt of taking you off of his credit card, redirecting mail, etc,etc is actually good practice for you. When the divorce finally happens, you can look at this period as training.



Stay strong. Do not fall into the game.

What a loving gift he's given you with his absence. The peace you have felt the last couple of days were thanks to him leaving you the space you needed to realize how much better you are without him, no?



Accept the gift. Change the locks, keep your cash, and see an attorney.

4ME60: "Imagine how unpleasant it would be to come home from work to find him sitting in the lounge again, "



That would truly suck!!!!

I am SO happy for you Rall! PLEASE change those locks NOW!!! The fact that he would pull a stunt like walking out shows just how hard he's trying to headfvck you, he just didn't realize how little you'd care. Imagine how unpleasant it would be to come home from work to find him sitting in the lounge again, then pick up the phone and get a locksmith in post-haste.

Good luck. Keep the control.



Princess KeepYourDistance

p.s. I said a silent "**** yeah!" when I read that you stopped taking his abusive calls. That's gutsy. I am proud of you.