What Does God Think About A Sexless Marriage?I am a Christian but my wife isn't. I have been tortured for the past 3 years with a sexless marriage and have decided to seek what the bible says about marriage and sex, and what to do in this case. Withholding from your husband/ wife is definitely sexual abuse and I found it very interesting as to what the bible has to say about this.
I am first going to paste "1 Corinthians 7:1-5 (NIV)
Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to (marry)have sexual relations with a woman.”  But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.  The husband should (must) fulfill (to perform as Duty, satisfy, fill or meet a need or want) his marital (sexual) duty (moral or legal responsibility or obligation that arises from ones position) to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:8-9(NIV)
 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.  But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.  But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.  How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
I first want to talk about verse 1,2,8,and 9. It is saying that it is good not to marry/ or have sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality each man should have his own wife and vis versa. This is setting the stage for the main reason for marriage. You see, marriage was gods provision for the god created sex drive. God made our sex drive and it is good and holy within marriage. In fact god made marriage to be "set apart" (holy) from all other relationships. Sex is suppose to be the factor that set the relationship apart from all others, bringing the relationship from friendship to marriage. This is why a marriage can be annulled if the marriage hasn't been consummated (to complete the union of a marriage by the first marital sexual intercourse) Marriage is about intimacy, not only sexually, but emotionally and physically. The marriage covenant (an agreement, usually formal, between two or more persons to do or not do something specified.) is a formal and public contract for sex! And this is the only God approved and blessed way to fulfill our sex drive. You see marriage isn't the answer, it is sex in marriage!
Now verse 3 the word shall, means must, fulfill or bring to completion the marital/ sexual desires of his/her partner. This is the ultimate form of selfless love for our partner. You see when we have the need for food, we can meet this need on our own, by going into the kitchen and making a sandwich. But our sex drive need, completely depends upon our partners love for us and willingness to fulfill our sexual needs and desires. Will they respect the covenant they made with us? If they don't, they are performing fraud and depleting you of your marital rights. You see the wedding vows they repeat say, " to have (posses, enjoy regularly) and to hold, in sickness and health for richer and for pourer. Marriage is simply a life long promise/ commitment to fulfill your spouses sex drive, no matter what. A spouse should ask there partner regularly, are your sexual needs satisfied? Do you feel loved?
In verse 4 it says the wife doesn't have authority over her own body, but her husband does, and likewise the husband doesn't have authority over his own body but his wife does. You see marriage is the joining of 2 people and God. God is Love! In marriage God sovereignly removes the authority (to have rights over, or have exclusive claim to) over your own body and gives it as a heavenly wedding present to your spouse. This removes sex from the reward and punishment realm. So sex is not to be witheld as a punishment or bestowed as a reward. Sex is not to be offered because you've been good, or bad. It is simply the responsibility of the partner that is being initiated upon to respond and fulfill there partners desire.
Verse 5 says if you are to separate it must be done by mutual agreement. Because you no longer have complete authority over your own body through the marriage covenant. And if you both agree to separate, it should only be for a short time, with a "come back together again date" so that Satan doesn't temped either of you.
Now, down to what God might say about what to do if your partner is withholding from you, for no real reason or physical ailment.
I know this theory doesn't go over well in the modern day church, but God has put some verses in the bible that have caused me to really look at Gods intent for marriage. If you boiled the whole bible down to a short sentence, it would be love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as your self. God wants us in humility, to esteem others better than our selves. But I believe we have a responsibility to respect ourselves and care for ourselves as well as others. If a woman was being physically abused, what would a pastor tell her to do? He would most likely tell her to remove herself from the abusive situation. Likewise if your partner is withholding sex from you, they are depriving you of love, respect for there marital covenant, defrauding you, and it is a down right a form of sexual abuse, that hurts your mind and emotions and constantly causes you to live with no peace in your thought life and in your relationship with your spouse.
31[It has also been said, Whoever divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. ] [ ] 32[But I tell you, Who divorces his wife, except on the grounds of marital unfaithfulness, causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a woman who has been divorced commits ] adultery.
After reading this it seams like your spouse would have to sleep with someone else before you can divorce, right! But if you look up the word "unfaithfulness " it is defined as, (not true to Duty or obligation or promise) remember in verse 3 it said that the husband shall (must) fulfill his marital duty, and likewise the wife to her husband.
Also in 1 Corinthians 7:15 it says, if the unbeliever( in God/ love) chooses to leave, (excused from work or DUTY, depart, remove oneself from an association with or participation in) let them do so. A believing man or woman is not bound (liable or obligated) in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace ( a state of mutual harmony between people, especially in personal relationships)
It is amazing what you can discover by looking up definitions. The word leave can not only mean leave physically, but also if they excuse themselves from there marital Duty, or "remove from the participation in" the marriage, or sexual covenant.
I am still married but am living separately from my wife and I have been cautiously seeking answerers to this very painful experience called marriage. I want to do right before God, and what I feel I have been discovering in my study is against what my church believes. Could this be Gods heart or do I have to wait around and be tormented for an indefinite time? I love my wife, but she doesn't love me. I have tried everything to win her heart, but nothing has worked and now I find myself feeling bitter, and angry all the time twords her. I want to live in peace, but I would have to leave my church if I were to file for divorce. It is the only conclusion I have left. What do you all think?