Just Want To Make Out With Someone!I just watched a chick flick and boy I NEED to suck face with SOMEONE right now!! I have been married for 23 years. I stopped working when we got married and stayed home for 14 years. During this time, I was dissatisfied with the frequency of sex, but when it happened it was good. I had always been sexually expressive and adventurous, but suppressed the feelings of dissatisfaction because he really was extremely busy and tired from working and I was not tired at all at the end of the day. When I started back to work, I threw myself into the job and became a work-a-holic as well and I was too busy to notice that there was no emotional intamacy in our marriage...and less sex.
While we raised our children, they were our focus and I used them for my emotional needs. During the last 5 years or so, we have had sex about once every 6 months when I would have an "I need more" discussion with him. At this point, we have not had sex in a year and a half. We talk about how dysfuncional this is and that we are going to change things but nothing ever happens. We talk about how it would be wierd to jump into it right now when we are so unfamiliar with each other and we need to reconnect before actually having sex. We make a little progress in improving our emotional connection only to back slide and never make it to the "I'm comfortable enough with where we are to have sex" point.
Our youngest just graduated from high school and we are now empty nesters. I had hoped that the swinging from the chandelier sex would commence...you got it...hasn't happened. He has absolutely no libido! He has had some issues with ED but if he wanted to have sex, with modern day meds, we would be having sex!! Growing up in the 70's/80's we always heard that if he is not getting it at home...he is getting is somewhere!! This causes sexless females great concern. I really don't think that he is unfaithful, he doesn't have time (or energy). I have done some checking and have not been able to find anything. I have gained weight over the past 9 years due to stress at work, but loose weight - gain weight, he is still not interested. I have expressed the desire to experiment with ideas that other men would go crazy for and still I get nothing.
We have never said the word divorce. He is clueless about how desparate I am. Since our kids have moved out, I started thinking about moving upstairs. The thoughts started creeping in as a first step to see if I can be on my own emotionally. OR, as a wake up call to him. I did turn our son's room into a dressing closet for myself and he said several times, "You are just moving your clothes, right?". I think he thinks as long as we are SLEEPING in the same bed that we are okay!!
My husband is in the textile industry and had to downsize his business about 5 years ago. This has greatly affected his self-esteem. Also, he now really resents me for overspending and "overdoing" when we had plenty of money and no idea that times were about to change. He has mentioned this as something he has to overcome to help our relationship.
I started getting hormone pellet incertions for low homone levels 2 years ago. Many women say that this has changed their lives and/or saved their marriage (some of you men that are LIASM might suggest these to your women). For me, it has made my life miserable because I want and think about sex all the time and my husband is still just busy working and taking care of EVERYTHING but his woman!! I have to take care of things myself which only adds to the emotional lonliness and dispair.
Right now I just don't know how long I can keep going. I don't want a divorce! I love my husband and can't imagine not growing old together, but my heart hurts so badly that I don't know if we can turn it around. I am 48 years old and even though I do not have to depend on him financially, I am afraid to be alone. It would break my children's hearts too. The biggest fear is that if I leave him, he will be in a relationship right away and will be treating another woman like he used to treat me!! We have an abundance of local divorcee's who hover over marriages in trouble. We were such a good fit that I can't imagine finding that again!
That is my story...