I Live In a Sexless Marriage
I've been absent the past month or so from EP, mainly because I am working on going forward with my plan to start my own business (I can't figure out any other way to earn a living; nobody wants to hire me). But I've also been absent because my husband and I decided that we needed to work on our marriage. So I haven't really wanted to spend time complaining about a sexless marriage that could be used to communicate my wants and needs to my husband while trying to build a better partnership. Of course, there's still no sex.
I've alternated between drunken bouts of hopelessness - if I drink a little too much periodically, I don't have to deal with the thoughts or feeling a desire for sex - and sober acceptance of the lack of sex combined with gratitude for his increased efforts as a partner (more shoulder rubs, more cuddling on the couch and more help with chores).
I woke up really wanting sex this morning. It was only 5am, so I wasn't going to wake him up. But I realized that I put him on notice a couple of months ago, and a month and a half ago we decided to work on the issue and where are we? Nowhere different. He said he'd do whatever it takes, but he has not gone to a doctor or a therapist. He hasn't tried to get sexual with me. Last night he pulled his shorts down briefly to show me his member. That's as sexual as he gets, aside from occasionally grabbing my breasts. Don't show me if you're not gonna do anything with it!
The frustrating thing is that I am dependent upon him. Since I've been without work, he has paid most of the household bills. Which is great because when I was working I paid all of the household bills. I still cover my personal debts (car, credit card payments which are huge as part of a debt management plan), my car insurance, and all the food and household goods for the two of us. That eats up my unemployment pretty quickly. And so far most of what I have earned from my business is going back to the business (I've so far earned less than $1000, so that's not much).
Facing the music of the sexless marriage (again, for the second time in the past few months) means figuring out an exit plan. And that is a daunting task given my lack of financial independence right now. Maybe I should just go back to numbing myself so I don't feel any sexual desire.
I've alternated between drunken bouts of hopelessness - if I drink a little too much periodically, I don't have to deal with the thoughts or feeling a desire for sex - and sober acceptance of the lack of sex combined with gratitude for his increased efforts as a partner (more shoulder rubs, more cuddling on the couch and more help with chores).
I woke up really wanting sex this morning. It was only 5am, so I wasn't going to wake him up. But I realized that I put him on notice a couple of months ago, and a month and a half ago we decided to work on the issue and where are we? Nowhere different. He said he'd do whatever it takes, but he has not gone to a doctor or a therapist. He hasn't tried to get sexual with me. Last night he pulled his shorts down briefly to show me his member. That's as sexual as he gets, aside from occasionally grabbing my breasts. Don't show me if you're not gonna do anything with it!
The frustrating thing is that I am dependent upon him. Since I've been without work, he has paid most of the household bills. Which is great because when I was working I paid all of the household bills. I still cover my personal debts (car, credit card payments which are huge as part of a debt management plan), my car insurance, and all the food and household goods for the two of us. That eats up my unemployment pretty quickly. And so far most of what I have earned from my business is going back to the business (I've so far earned less than $1000, so that's not much).
Facing the music of the sexless marriage (again, for the second time in the past few months) means figuring out an exit plan. And that is a daunting task given my lack of financial independence right now. Maybe I should just go back to numbing myself so I don't feel any sexual desire.
By:
deleted
Age:
26-30
