I Live In a Sexless Marriage
Howdy, Folks. Im plugging along. It seems like fate has laid a little gift at my feet and I am struggling. My "Exit Plan" involves saving money, finding a place to live, making sure my daughter's medical needs are tended to... plus other stuff. the "Exit" fund is only up to $2K but is growing every month. Not enough yet for me to be comfy leaving on, though, but an opportunity has presented itself and I feel like I need to look into it. My Avon lady was in yesterday. She has a sad story.. her hubby dumped her at Christmas and ran off to Colorado to live with his high school sweetheart whom he got reaquainted with via Facebook. My Avon lady is disabled and Avon is her only source of income, except for an apartment on her property. It is a studio apartment, detached from the main house, with a deck out onto the pond. It is out in the country (which I am used to). If I moved there I could possibly even take one of the horses with me. She was telling me about the apartment yesterday, asking me if I knew of anyone who might be looking for a place to live. She prefers a single, older lady-- and is very picky about who she lets live there. Seems like it would be perfect for me. I just don't think that I am ready to go now. But... will I EVER be ready?
My daughter's recovery has had another set back. Our family doctor has recommended that I find another surgeon, to get a second opinion-- and I agree. Even though she has the "best" reconstructive surgeon in the southwest US, even the "best" can run into roadblocks. It might be time to get some fresh eyes on the situation. I thought that I had to stay in my marriage because my daughter is so frail mentally AND physically. But I am realizing that this situation is NOT going to be resolved in a matter of months. We may have years to go yet. She is almost 17 and will be going away to college in less then two years. But, I don't want to stay that long. I really have next summer as my departure date. So, how much would it matter if I made the move NOW? Yes, packing up and shuffling off just before the holidays is kind of sucky. But, does it really matter? Is there really a GOOD time to break up the family and start a new life? If I left now, maybe some of the hurt/sting would have diminished enough for us to have a decent Christmas. And if not, then I would survive. What is another crappy Christmas in the scheme of things? I've had nothing but crappy Christmases for most of my life. I just need to figure this out. I really am torn and feel like if I pass on this opportunity I may never leave.
This past Saturday, our family had a float in the parade of our town's festival. Hubby and I were working pretty well to get the float ready for the parade. He drove the float and I rode in the truck with him through the parade. It was a lot of fun. We were getting along well. I was thankful that he was there to pull the trailer with the float, as I was nervous about it. After the parade, we went home to drop the trailer off, and then Ethan and I were coming back to town to attend the festival for a few hours, As we were getting into the truck to drive back to town, Hubby joined us. I was surprised, as he said he was going to take a nap when we got the trailer unloaded. It sort of touched me that he wanted to join Ethan and I for a "family day" at the festival. I softened a little becaue we had been getting along so well and here he was, giving up an afternoon with his beloved XBox to join his family at this small town gathering. Neat! Which is what I thought, so I told hubby: "I'm so glad you're coming with us, it will be nice to have a family outing"! To which hubby replied: "well, I'm hungry and when we passed that bbq place the food smelled really good. I want a smoked turkey leg." Me: "so you're only going with us because you are hungry and I won't be home to cook?" He looked at me like I was stupid... like, "Duh". Good old hubby... it's all about his stomach. I think this sums up our marriage pretty darn well... hubby is only in it for the food (and the clean underwear).
So, do I have the guts to pack up and leave? And do I seize this opportunity, or wait till I feel more confident? And if I wait, will I EVER feel confident enough to leave????
My daughter's recovery has had another set back. Our family doctor has recommended that I find another surgeon, to get a second opinion-- and I agree. Even though she has the "best" reconstructive surgeon in the southwest US, even the "best" can run into roadblocks. It might be time to get some fresh eyes on the situation. I thought that I had to stay in my marriage because my daughter is so frail mentally AND physically. But I am realizing that this situation is NOT going to be resolved in a matter of months. We may have years to go yet. She is almost 17 and will be going away to college in less then two years. But, I don't want to stay that long. I really have next summer as my departure date. So, how much would it matter if I made the move NOW? Yes, packing up and shuffling off just before the holidays is kind of sucky. But, does it really matter? Is there really a GOOD time to break up the family and start a new life? If I left now, maybe some of the hurt/sting would have diminished enough for us to have a decent Christmas. And if not, then I would survive. What is another crappy Christmas in the scheme of things? I've had nothing but crappy Christmases for most of my life. I just need to figure this out. I really am torn and feel like if I pass on this opportunity I may never leave.
This past Saturday, our family had a float in the parade of our town's festival. Hubby and I were working pretty well to get the float ready for the parade. He drove the float and I rode in the truck with him through the parade. It was a lot of fun. We were getting along well. I was thankful that he was there to pull the trailer with the float, as I was nervous about it. After the parade, we went home to drop the trailer off, and then Ethan and I were coming back to town to attend the festival for a few hours, As we were getting into the truck to drive back to town, Hubby joined us. I was surprised, as he said he was going to take a nap when we got the trailer unloaded. It sort of touched me that he wanted to join Ethan and I for a "family day" at the festival. I softened a little becaue we had been getting along so well and here he was, giving up an afternoon with his beloved XBox to join his family at this small town gathering. Neat! Which is what I thought, so I told hubby: "I'm so glad you're coming with us, it will be nice to have a family outing"! To which hubby replied: "well, I'm hungry and when we passed that bbq place the food smelled really good. I want a smoked turkey leg." Me: "so you're only going with us because you are hungry and I won't be home to cook?" He looked at me like I was stupid... like, "Duh". Good old hubby... it's all about his stomach. I think this sums up our marriage pretty darn well... hubby is only in it for the food (and the clean underwear).
So, do I have the guts to pack up and leave? And do I seize this opportunity, or wait till I feel more confident? And if I wait, will I EVER feel confident enough to leave????
By:
TessieMae65
Age:
46-50
,
Female
