The Pillow, Part Duh! - Updated 1 year onSo, its been quite a few weeks now since I placed the pillow between us in bed, just read my pillow story to get episode one.
She is now shoving and moving the pillow around between us, and kind of trying to make it hers, put it under her power in a warped way.
It's all to do with control for her. She used to put her pillow between us as a barrier, a physical refusal of me, now that I use my pillow to reclaim my dignity she needs to put it where she wants as a kind of transferred ownership thing. It's all very odd!
The oddest thing though, is she has not mentioned one word to me!
Its a crazy world we live in here...
Roll on exit plan...
Just noticed it is just over one year since I wrote this story.
She now sleeps downstairs until circa 5-6am - that's fine by me, we both know it's broken.
She seems to need to be seen by the children to get out of 'our' bed, as if they don't know it's broken. Saying that she is thorough in her pretence.
The last year has seen me 100% not pander to her lies, verbally or by what I physically do.
The pillow remains, as a reminder to her when she creeps to bed in the early hours that I still own 'MY' choice. One may think she now has what she wants with 100% disengagement, but the reality is disengagement is not selective at this level. I am not affectionate and attentive at times and not others now I have stopped playing the BS games. She sees I have signed out and has lost control of my emotional strings.
To me the pillow is now a reminder to her each time that she comes to bed to live the lie. (I have a new bigger pillow too)
She did ask last year why it is there. I said "It is a barrier between us as I do not wish to share a bed with a person who does not want to share a bed with me". She said she does, I said your actions say you do not. I did not say "You should... I want you to..." etc.
The choice is hers. She owns her choice, and the consequences of her choice.
Before I would have wanted her to change, now I do not, and she knows this.
Her choice is to sleep downstairs. That is HER choice, as is the consequence.