To Be Friends Or Lovers That Is The Question.....

I wish I was your H! I tell my W how good she looks and even get myself ready for her in the morning in case she EVER changes her mind. She kissed it once and said "sorry". I probably did have a few years of low desire after kids were born (I'm primary caretaker) and I spent my days/nigts changing diapers (two girls and I think I definetly desensitized my vag-appeal, and I TRULY hope that doesn't come across as sick). After the girls had grown enough to take care of their own needs (over the last few years) I'd been trying harder (no pun intended) to initiate ANYTHING... I don't want (to want) an affair...but after she graced my presence in the bed the other morning, as soon as I snuggled in she was out of the bed as if I poked her with cattle prod .



ooops- I guess this was about me and no use to you. (Typical guy,lol). I reckon' I need to write my own story sometime. Sorry and good luck.



we'll all see now if I actually hit post or delete my incessant rambling (per usual)

You seem to be fairly new to this forum. We have a lot of our own jargon that you should be getting used to seeing. I would classify the conversation you described above as A Talk (TM), but not THE Talk (TM). You will likely go the route of thousands who have gone before you, having different versions of A Talk many times. It is frustrating beyond belief to have Talk after Talk after Talk, and never really be heard. This will compound your anger and resentment, because these milder, gentler Talks rarely lead to any improvement. This may be because you do not yet know exactly what it is that you want, or you are not willing to truly demand it.



THE Talk is when you finally draw the line in the sand, it is a serious moment of meeting, or a "come to Jesus talk", if you will. You will be truly fed up at that point, and with it will come a sense of assured calm. Your choices become very clear and simple at that point, and he will be forced to get on board with his marriage or you will sail on without him.

If his issue is ED as you intimate here , there are countless remedies available that work extremely well, his health permitting . Most men are hesitant to admit tohaving ED since it in their minds think that it emasculates them somehow and they actually become defensive and reclusive from those that they love..



In the new world where woman are now more demonstrative, demanding and feel freer to express their sexual wants and needs much pressure is exerted on men to perform . This pressure of course can be counter productive and men become further recessive in their actions. Some will, to reinforce a since of their waning virility turn to **** which simply exacerbates the situation further..



It would be my advice that if it is ED that is causing this problem get him to a doctor and reassure him that you understand and extend some empathy for his dilemma.



I wish you well in this.

In your run of stories so far, it seems like you have been articulating your position pretty clearly.



This has the effect of passing the ball of 'choice' (what, if anything, he is going to do about it) over to where it belongs (with him).



Now, he does one of 3 things

1 - nothing

2 - a half arsed effort

3 - the absolute best he can.



And then* the ball of "choice" comes back to you (whether you can live with what he does or doesn't do).



Probably be wise to run the clock on this, to hold him accountable for his choice, and in turn hold yourself accountable for yours.



Tread your own path.

My husband started taking Ciali* for half a year now and our sexual relationship change A LOT. It took forever to convince him to go see a doctor but he did and now he gets that it was not a big deal to begin with. It is working miracles, of course it does not bring passion or desire but it makes him be able to and the rest is up to both of us.



Some men are very embarrassed to admit that something is wrong in the intimacy field. It is very hard for them to accept that and to seek help for it. Sometimes this destroys the sex life completely unless the man understands that this is not a big deal and it can be fixed.



Did you guys try anything yet?

I know the feeling well. Myself & my STBX BOTH realized that we will not be moving past the problems but it doesn't mean we cant be friends & roommates. So we did just that. Since then life is MUCH better. We are actually both much happier. For the first time in years I am experiencing HOT monkey sex. She knows & has no objection to that. I would have rather it been with her but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.



It is nice to still consider her a friend & very few couples could pull this off. Works for us though. I let her stay here because of her medical issues but consider her my ex in every way. She feels the same. So if you end up like that. Honestly it really isn't bad.